To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

this is the problem with santa hes not fuckinmg real so get a grip about which present is from whom

Why the fuck is everyone still piling onto this thread when the OP isn't even reading it?

If you have nothing new to add then let the thread die

Sounds more complicated then it needs to be!

How very rude of you. You cannot go around telling family what presents to buy and then expect to change things at the last minute to please your kids. They need to know that things won’t always go their way in life.

I have sympathy- I had to do the same thing, just in advance not on the day. I had arranged something for Grandad to buy DS1, but he then specifically asked for it from Father Christmas (they ask for one or two things, not a whole list) so I had to arrange for Grandad to buy something else as Santa delivered the presents to us with the stockings and presents from Grandad were at grandads house!

Maybe some of us have only just read it - did you think of that Tiaobscura? Are you OP?

I don't want to ruin Christmas for you but you do know Santa's not real......

Kids get presents and forget who got them what by the time they have unwrapped them, time to stop overthinking and enjoy your family time

Gobsmacked by this VU behaviour!

TiaOscura who made you the thread police?

Jesus, who can be arsed to keep up with all that? Just put all the presents from Father Christmas or let people take credit for their own. My kids do lists and they know we get some and so do grandparents, the rest are from Father Christmas, simple

snugg as youre already lieing just say santa knew grandad already got the present for him

its not hard

This can't be real, no-one would unwrap presents paid for by someone else to make themselves Santa look better

Talk about making a rod for your own back.

I haven’t read all replies, I understand you wanted the gift they asked Santa for to come from Santa. Surely the easy option is to get them to put several things on their list. Then Santa just gets one of them. Then it wouldn’t matter if your relatives had bought other items if there’s a choice of several.
I’ve always said my children’s stocking are from Santa and he puts one small gift each under the tree.
I’ve always made it quite clear the rest and bigger gifts are paid for by us. Why should Santa get the credit? 🤣😂

I can't believe how rude you were! Your parents paid for the gifts and they had to accept not being thanked because your DCs thought it was from Santa? If I were your parents I'd be having nothing to do with any suggestions or demands for gifts you made and would choose what I wanted to buy my grandchildren and leave you out of it.

In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

wow.

Wow!! To echo everyone else, yes, OP, you were BVVVU!!!!

Sounds incredibly complicated to me. As kids, my DBs and I wrote lists of what we wanted to Santa. All mums, dads, grandmas, grandpas etc bought the gifts and gave them to Santa to deliver. If Santa thought you hadn't been good enough that year he didn't deliver. None of the presents were from Santa.

OP I presume you're not coming back but YWBU as everyone else says!

I don't understand this thing some do where Santa brings all the presents. When I was a child he brought a stocking and 1 medium present. Relatives - and parents- gave their own, labelled as such. How do children know who to thank otherwise? Or is it considered acceptable now to receive a present and not thank the giver?

I actually didn't realise this was so widespread. We dropped round a present to my partner's nephew a few weeks ago and I thought it was just SIL being odd as usual when it was swiftly whipped off us with hisses about Santa not coming yet before the child saw!

Maybe I've had too much port or too little sleep but am I the only one who doesn't understand OPs motivation? Why couldn't her parents just give what had originally been decided? Why did Santa have to give such a specific gift?

From what I do understand of it OP, you were being ridiculous and very unreasonable. I think you probably sucked all the joy our of it. No wonder your family want you to tell them specifically what to buy your kids if you kick up this sort of fuss and confusion.

I think that I’m trying to make Christmas as magical as possible, you’ve unwittingly made it over complicated and managed to offend your family in doing so.

Father Christmas isn’t real. The more lies you tell to keep “the magic alive”, the bigger the hole you’re digging for yourself.

I use Amazon. The gifts I want to buy go on my “shopping list” (private) and then I add them to my basket when I get my Christmas bonus. Gifts ideas for family, I have on a “wish list” that I can then share with my mum and sister. We find it works well.

Oh please come back and tell us other mad shit that you do.

This is why allow your children to believe in Santa is ridiculous! You and your family spent their hard earned money on the gifts, why should someone else take the credit. Stupid and ridiculous! The mere thought is stupid. FYI I have 3 children and they have been told from a very young age the parents and family buy the gifts for them, also it’s a privilege not a right to get presents.

Oh dear OP what a mess. You invented a problem and used it to offend your family.

Do say sorry to your mum. You could have been having a nice evening instead of picking a fight.

Next year, do lists or letters or whatever but remind your kids: a) you don’t get everything you ask for, b) you sometimes get other things Santa knows you’ll love, and c) only stockings come from Santa.

Stress free. They can put a life size unicorn on the list but with those reminders you’ll be ok.

U need to apologise big time