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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have swapped the presents

367 replies

Onahillside · 26/12/2018 09:40

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

OP posts:
PumpkinKitty82 · 27/12/2018 09:02

What ..the ...fuck?
Bonkers

Platypusfattypus · 27/12/2018 09:43

YANBU

Only joking. You were very unreasonable. Your poor mum

AleFailTrail · 27/12/2018 09:47

“Santa told me what to get/gave it to me to give to you” was the line my grandparents used. Keeps the magic whilst avoiding all this.

Platypusfattypus · 27/12/2018 09:47

You all think OP is unreasonable and controlling to try and micro manage Xmas, but everyone seemed happy with her making all of the effort and just handing over cash for pre-sourced and bought gifts up until that point so I can’t see why they would suddenly be put out by this approach*

I buy all the gifts ffor the dc from us, Santa and grandad (I am a bit controlling) but I wouldn’t dream of treating their grandad like the op treated her mum. Dd2 gotbthe presebt she really wanted from grandad not from Santa. She’s over the moon, grandad is happy and it doesn’t matter who gave it to her.

Twillow · 27/12/2018 09:54

The way I see it is, your parents agreed to be told what to buy with good grace (although in one case they simply had to transfer you the money Shock have you considered they would have preferred the pleasure of actually choosing something themselves, perhaps with a few hints?)
but then you went on to remove even that from their gifting experience by swapping things around. No wonder your mother was irritated! Honestly I would apologise and say you know realise you went so over the top in trying to be organised and make sure your children were happy that you forgot about the pleasure of giving!!

singingismypassion · 27/12/2018 09:58

Sorry but you are being b rude and manipulative.
You should buy the santa gift (s) and family give presents from themselves.

In our family santa fills their stocking and gives 1 present.

Family and friends five other gifts .

SushiMonster · 27/12/2018 10:00

This is why IMO it is batshit to do actual presents from Santa.

Presents are from real people.

Stockings are from Santa.

If you’d wanted to swap my gift I’d have told you to fuck right off

Twillow · 27/12/2018 10:03

Also, while Christmas and birthdays should definitely have an element of the magical, at the same time are learning experiences about how to manage your feelings and be gracious/show gratitude even when you don't get everything you want.

Apart from their stockings, my kids get one thing from their list and another gift which is a surprise that I think they'll like. And I didn't feel any guilt about the one who wanted Nike £150 trainers - that was a non-starter!

WishIwas19again · 27/12/2018 10:06

My parents were so excited and overjoyed to see my DD open the gift they had bought. It didn't matter I had linked it and chosen the specific one of its type to fit her room (large toy!) What mattered was my DD loving it and knowing it was from her grandparents. They would have been devastated if I had suggested we swap it and tell her it was from someone else. Awful. That's why we don't really do proper Santa in our house, gifts are from real people.

Twillow · 27/12/2018 10:11

OP hasn't been back for some time, it's always a shame when someone comes on clearly hoping to justify their position and then buggers off asap in the face of massive conflicting opinion!

SuchAToDo · 27/12/2018 10:17

I can't believe how unreasonable you were, if I were your relatives, I'd have took the presents back (to stop you unwrapping them) and then when the kids came in I'd have handed them to the kids myself saying merry Christmas this is from me...

You are a cheeky fucker to expect other people to hand over their gifts and then complain about their reaction...

Your mother's reaction was spot on

GimmeBread · 27/12/2018 11:51

In our house when the kids were little, Santa was basically the delivery boy! Gifts came from individuals, never Santa.

Claudia1980 · 27/12/2018 17:33

You were extremely rude and the whole thing is just weird! They bought presents, the presents should have come from them not Santa!

Confusedbeetle · 27/12/2018 17:37

AArgh! Ban Santa! What a load of. Apologise

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 17:44

Wow, you are very rude.

canadianbanana · 27/12/2018 17:45

Here's a crazy idea -- why don't you let your dc write a letter to Santa with one thing they want (or three, if that's what you do), then have a wish list (not a demand list) which you can circulate among relatives. If you don't want possible duplicates the relatives can either talk to each other about what they're getting your children, or you can provide each relative with a couple of suggestions. You were being crazy controlling, expecting people to unwrap gifts they had chosen and wrapped, just so your dc (in your opinion) wouldn't be disappointed over who got them what. Honestly, what a ridiculous complicated mess you created. And you owe everyone, especially your mother, an apology.

Vampiratequeen · 27/12/2018 17:47

YABU, they don't have to get everything they asked for from Santa from Santa. My DD asked Santa for a Hatchimal and as it was the most expensive thing in her list, I wanted it to be from us. We have always told DD that we talk to Santa anyway, so she hasn't even questioned it, she is just happy she got it. If your DC question it, you just say that the person that bought it wanted to get it for them, so talked to Santa and he got them something else instead. There was no need to swap and change presents.

Tistheseason17 · 27/12/2018 17:47

I laughed sooooo much on reading this AIBU!!!

Where is OP?? Up her own backside, I reckon!!!

Dogsmellssobadbob · 27/12/2018 17:48

I get where you are coming from OP.
Can see what you were trying to do and had it been mine gift to them I would t have batted an eyelid but fact is your mum was upset so might have been better to recognise that and not expect her to swop.

In the end although we panic about ‘the magic’ kids don’t usually notice or care when they are in mid unwrapping excitement!

mumsastudent · 27/12/2018 17:49

fgs my dm stopped buying dc presents when they were very young so not to make them think badly of her (it wasn't money issue it was just her) I use to buy something which I wrapped & put her name on mostly so they wouldn't be disappointed - be grateful for whatever she does & stop trying to control & criticize her!

Babygrey7 · 27/12/2018 17:51

Christmaszilla!!!

winniestone37 · 27/12/2018 18:00

You caused this, you've behaved ridiculously and should apologise.

howthehelldoIcopewiththisone · 27/12/2018 18:03

Sorry OP you do sound like my sister. Still controlling her kids lives well into their twenties - everything has to be perfect for them. Controlling the whole extended family at Christmas with HER demands/availability/needs. TBH her kids have turned out ok regardless though - thank goodness - but they have never saved or wanted/waited for anything in their lives

jessstan2 · 27/12/2018 18:10

Honestly, can't believe this thread is still going strong. Hee hee, what a joke.

Op, you've been not only a prat to the rest of the family but the santa myth has taken several other turns - Santa changing his mind or getting it wrong. FFs the bloke doesn't exist! Don't turn the fantasy into a lie.

Happy new year to you too.

AtomicSquirrel · 27/12/2018 18:11

Jeez, what a complicated system. When my kids were little, all presents were from Santa. End of. No messing around.