To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

In our house, Santa brings small gifts in a sack to open first thing. Everything else and certainly everything big comes from the gift giver so DC can thank them properly. We find this works best for us and I didn’t want Santa taking credit for any of the good gifts from us.
Santa clearly works differently in your house which is fine but it seems an awful lot of hassle if this then involves people apart from you and DH having to wrangle presents around. Next year, just make sure you buy anything from Santa and leave your mum and brother the fun of choosing and wrapping their own presents.

Wow, just unbelievable your poor DP, you totally sucked the joy out of their gift giving. Hope you’re happy with yourself. At the end of the day the list to Santa is a wish list, it doesn’t mean they get everything on it. If I had done this some years my son would have had the entire toy section from the Argos catalogue. You need to apologise and bloody quick. Your parents should be allowed to give them gifts in their own right, and be thanked for it. I feel really sorry for your mum.

Ywbu. You could have told the kids that Santa knew what granny had bought and so got the other things. They wouldn't have batted an eyelid!

Jesus thats complicated, how old are your DC's? I am a massive control freak but there is no way I would have asked someone to 'swap' presents that they had got and wrapped. I think you need to apologise.

YABVU

It doesn’t matter which presents come from who! Our DC did letters, some of it came from Santa, and we identified a couple of things on there that PIL and SIL could get. That’s fine. The things from PIL we actually purchased but told them what it was.

It’s very rude to then say presents need to be swapped in that way, and there is no reason for it at all.

Santa doesn't necessarily being you everything you ask for. Every year since she's been old enough to understand the concept, my daughter has asked Santa for "a real motorcycle (she) can ride on the street." Every year, she doesn't get it, because she's a little girl.

Why couldn't Santa have just not brought that gift because he knew Grandma had already bought it?

I agree with everyone else. My dd wrote about 10 different letters to Santa, mostly with different things on each time (she's 6 - notes to Santa was her favourite activity throughout December! ) however of the 2 main things she wanted, Santa brought one and grandma gave her the other. She wasn't fussed that one came from dgm when she'd actually asked Santa for them both. The end result was still the same - she got the things she wanted and grandma had given a much loved gift.

I don't think your dc would've been bothered that one much-wanted gift came from grandparents rather than Santa.

YWBU!

@darkbaptism - the DCs didn’t know that they had been bought by the grandparents - and so when they changed their mind about what was from Santa - I said but Santa knows your original wish list and so it has to be something from there. I should have crossed the GPs item off, but I hadn’t so after much fuss (and me trying to keep the Santa letter writing a nice and magical thing), they picked one of the items that my parents / brother had ‘bought’ (and not yet paid me for).

If it had been for me to give to the Dcs, or was expecting them to go buy something else, or give the DCs something ‘worse’ - I would be with them - but the point was that it was a Santa gift - and I always thought (within reason) Santa brought what you asked.

Ps - I still remember about the same age crying my eyes out that I wasn’t allowed to put a cabbage patch doll on my Santa list (as obviously my parents had bought something else) - and I guess I thought it was a similar situation which could easily be avoided.

Wow. You’re crazy. The fact that the relatives can’t even choose their own presents to give.

@ipswichwitch has a good idea able Santa knowing they’d already been bought them.

You were, like everyone else said, being a complete knobber. You need to apologise and not pull a stunt like that again.

Fucking hell op. You were appalling. And hard work. Cant believe what a drama you created. Did your mother feel youd ruined the happy
Christmas vibe, because thats how id feel. What a ridiculous set up

You made this far too complicated. The kids can put anything they like on the list. As long as they get some of the things (from santa or relatives) it's fine.

and me trying to keep the Santa letter writing a nice and magical thing

I think as soon as you’d started dictating what was on the list you’d lost that one.

Stop micromanaging your children, Christmas, family
This is nuts and very rude
And you are teaching your kids the same. Why are they choosing what Santa sends them. Ridiculously complicated. Just let them write a letter

Presents really shouldn't be that complicated. One of the things my 4yr old wanted from Santa had been bought by my MIL. Similar to your story, he hadn't originally wanted it from Santa but we knew he wanted it so then she ordered and got it delivered to our house. She lives in a different country, but was coming to stay with us for Christmas. When he saw he Santa gifts, he was delighted, but did comment that XX wasn't there. His excitement when his opened his granny's gift and realised that it was there all along was a joy. We just said that Santa had been speaking with granny and she had got it instead. He didn't care where it came from!

You are not only unreasonable you are completely ridiculous hth

santa bought what you ask for

See, the OP is even controlling Santa.

You need to go back a stage. Telling your family what presents to buy, or actually telling them you’ve bought presents for them to give and they need to give you XX amount was where you were rude and went wrong.

Yavu!!

How rude

Stop micromanaging your children, Christmas, family

This

How old are DC? This strikes me as awful! my parents / brother had ‘bought’ (and not yet paid me for) I'd be well pissed off if l was told 'I've bought this as a present from you, gimme money!'

Hard work!

Why are you giving out commands and moving goalposts on people like that? Just go with the flow and let your kids puzzle out Santa and his mysterious ways in their own time.

You sound overwrought, and very demanding and rude. YABVU.