To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

I understand that you are trying your hardest to make Christmas magical for your DC, but if I were their GPs I would want to watch them open the presents I had bought, with them being aware that they were from me. Isn't that all part of being a GP? Next year can't you buy all the "santa presents" and advise the GPs as to what the DC would like, but still allow them to wrap and gift their presents as they would wish to?

I want to know what the other issues were that her mother brought up.

Christmas with a control freak....

You sound so controlling. My child wrote three letters and got about half of what was on them. Mostly small things a couple big things, some came from other people, it doenst matter. He just assumes Santa told them what he wanted and that is fine.
As long as they get at least one wish kids are happy. My nephew wrote his list and refused to show my DS or anyone else, he posted it in the post box along the end of the street two days before christmas eve. We tried everything to get out of him just one thing he wanted to keep the magic alive, even down to trying to do a pencil rub on the notebook he used. It didnt work so I ended up sat at postbox for nearly an hour until collection and asked the postman for it back. Thankfully he hadnt put it in a sealed envelope he had just folded it over, otherwise posty said we wouldn't have been able to open it. I was lucky we got it cos he was testing to see if santa was real. His letter was along the lines of "Dear Santa, I am starting to think you may not be real cos my freind says your not and parents buy the gifts. This year I want blah blah blah but just to prove you are real could you please bring me a tub of Salted Caramel icecream, and wrap it up in gold paper. Then I'll l know you are real. So I rushed out last minute to get a couple of things on the list, and traipsed four supermarkets for the icecream he wanted and gold wrapping paper. Wrapped it up n put it im the freezer. I then typed him a letter from Santa saying I got his letter and not to worry his friend was just a non believer and that if he wanted proof he would find it in the bottom drawer of the freezer. Then we rolled it up, wrapped up the note in gold paper and stuck it in his stocking. He rushed down christmas morning and his mum played along by asking what he was doing looking in the freezer cos his oresents where in the front room and he had resurfaced seconds later dancing around saying "So-n-so is wrong, he is real" holding his ice cream". Thats magic, what you are doing is just controlling as far as I'm concerned.

This is far too complicated and unnecessary

LishLish encouraging your kids to believe in Santa is as much about creating the magic for you as it is for them. It doesn't need to be ridiculous or extravagant to be fun and enjoyable for everyone. I hope your kids were old enough to not spoil it for others when you robbed them of the magic of Christmas told them the truth at a very young age.

LishLish
you sound like a dream. What a shame your kids missed out on the magic of Christmas because you had to take the credit and talk about hard earned cash instead of letting them be kids for a little while longer.

Bekstar is this a joke - I find that

Rather creepy.

Absolute lunacy. What a farce. YABVU

why do your kids need to specify which gifts are from Santa? My dcs make one list then I just take ideas from there for family and Santa gets the rest

Bekstar how old is your nephew? If he’s about 4 or something that might be OK, but otherwise I think that’s really not on, it’s like you’re tricking him. I know you will probably just think I am a grinch, but I had a parent who carried on Santa after I had started to question it and it was a bad idea.

Santa only gives stocking gifts in our house.
I can’t believe you asked other people to buy your children gifts and then claim they’re from Santa!
You sound beyond controlling.

Yabu. As long as dc had "Santa presents" it really did not matter which you provided. You were ungrateful and unreasonable to make such a fuss.

This is why allow your children to believe in Santa is ridiculous! You and your family spent their hard earned money on the gifts, why should someone else take the credit. Stupid and ridiculous! The mere thought is stupid. FYI I have 3 children and they have been told from a very young age the parents and family buy the gifts for them

Wow I can feel the joyousness resonating through your post

ffs sitting outside a postboox so u could intercept ot so he thinks santas real

how odd and overbearing

YABU. I wouldn’t even ask you for a suggestion of what to buy the children in future years.

Bloody hell you make Christmas complicated. It’s supposed to be a fun family time. You are very uptight and I doubt I could pull a needle out of your backside with a tractor

Sorry but yabvvu. You totally over thought this one.

I’m not even sure I understand what’s going on here. It all sounds super complicated!

I knew FC wasn’t real at age 4. I figured it out by myself but it wouldn’t have bothered me either way. All I was interested in was the presents. I didn’t give a toss who they’d come from!

sounds to be your kids are incredibly spoilt to always get exactly what they want .
wow..
are you going to follow them around for the rest of their lives arranging this ??

SMH 🤦🏼‍♀️

I got my goddaughter something that she had spoken about lots but was a late addition to her Christmas list (after I brought it) it was a character she mentions often but wasn't on the list till long after presents had been sorted. Her mum just said Father Christmas must of told auntie wine what you wanted isn't that clever. She got what she wanted and the magic lives on. In the future don't tell the kids who gives what it just adds stress. You were wrong to make people change. But your also long gone so you can keep thinking you parents are wrong!

I feel a bit sorry for the OP. I think she's so caught up in her system that she's forgotten its all supposed to be a bit of fun. I think the OPs parents reaction was a bit ott. I happily play along with bonkers stuff for people I love. And would just leave her to to it to wrap and unwrap whatever she wants. Your heart sounds like it's in the right place but Christmas is about fun, the element of surprise and the anticipation that you might not get everything you want.

Cloglover makes a good point about anticipation. If DC grow up knowing they will always get everything they asked for from Santa it removes a lot of the excitement and hope I remember about waking up on Christmas morning. And if they only ever get what they ‘pre-ordered’ it means the adults in their lives never get a chance to surprise them with something new.

My own DSis didn’t talk to me for about 2 years when I didn’t buy her DD the very expensive Lego set she had ‘suggested’. It was way outside our budget and so I bought something else I thought my niece would like. DN still has that gift now so it was a good call on my part but I no longer risk going off-piste with gifts and send Amazon gift cards now.

So if your children had added lots of items to their Santa list in addition to what was on their Santa wish list you would have obliged? The whole thing just seems overly complicated and takes the fun and joy out of giving gifts and I suspect rather ruined it for your DP. Children don’t really care who gets them what on the day and to go so far as to actually unwrap and rewrap presents well that’s just a bit nuts IMHO