To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

You need to chill the FUCK out
What a palaver for absolutely no reason. You have created a pointless drama and bad feeling for nothing at all. Don't be so controlling!

Uhm wow.

I think you’re coming from a good place but you really need to relax about this.

A list for Santa is just that, a wish List.

You don’t usually get everything on it, because that’s not how life is. You get some of the things you asked for, and some surprises. That way you learn that, a) you may sometimes be fortunate enough to get exactly what you wanted, but even if you don’t, you’ll get a few of the things you wished for, and maybe there’ll be something brilliant in there that you didn’t even know you wanted.

Your parents got it wrong, being so adamant about what you could and couldn’t put on your list. What is the point of a wish list if it has been dictated to you? Think about that...

And then think about the fact that you are enacting that same controlling, dictatorial, micro-managing approach.

It’s not good for anyone, least of all your children.

Next year maybe focus on the fact that it’s a wish list, and Santa decides what is possible from that list! And don’t go trying to engineer magic by dictating to everyone else.

Oops forgot to slot my b) into that sentence. But it’s simple enough to follow.

Relax, though.

Wow, Is everyone in a bad mood today with a festive hangover or what? Poor OP. I agree with @basinhaircut... it might have gotten a bit out of hand, but at the end of the day what is so damn wrong with wanting your child to have the present that they asked Santa for?? And if you don't agree with OP, why do you have to be so mean about it...

I’m dizzy with the complicated lists and presents from Santa, not from Santa, wrapping, swapping and general fuckwittery.

Be a bit more easy going about Xmas. Fun isn’t “managed” or “organised”......even the Santa letter writing sounded like a chore for the kids.

You own your Mum and apology. You should have accepted her gifts in “good grace” and not worry about swapping and changing.

I gave up reading halfway through.
You lot are smarter than me, for making sense of it all!

Ha! I think if I was the mum I'd have checked the whole lot in the bin and gone up the pub!

Yulezilla

Honestly OP, even ignoring the rudeness of it all, you really do sound like you're micromanaging the fun out of Christmas.

Next year, start off by doing EITHER a wish list OR a Santa letter, not both. Because the Santa letter IS the wist list in normal houses.

Then let everyone buy what they want, wrap it themselves, and relax.

For now, have a drink, take a deep breath and admit what an idiot you've been about it all.

You sound controlling and quite hard work to be honest. Your mums comment that you're always spoiling things says that you do things like this quite often.

Next year get your dc to write a Santa list get them those and let your family choose their own gifts.

Yabvvvu. What is it with all these threads about Santa gifts, presents being in the wrong paper etc. Why make it all such hard work?

YABVU. Did you really unwrap and rewrap a present bought for your children!

I’m sorry but this is completely unacceptable and rude behaviour.

YABVU.

Rude and extremely childish behaviour. I feel sorry for your mum.

I can’t believe you re wrapped presents either. Crazy Christmas shenanigans.

This is one of the nuttiest things I've read on here, what the hell does it matter? 😂

FC only does stocking, didn't you get the memo?

I have the utmost respect for everyone who understood the original post as I have absolutely no idea what the fuck the OP was on about.

You sound a lot like my sister...good God the controlling crap she would constantly do in the name of "organising" everyone

She would control to the nth degree how people behaved around Christmas and holidays

She even once told my mother off for not organising the washing up correctly in my mother's own house

This is exactly the sort of stunt she would pull

Even my parents avoid dealing with her over Christmas and I definately do

You need to apologise to your mum.

You were extremely rude.

Wow YABVU

This all seems overly complicated and a situation entirely of your own making.

My DD used to write a wishlist to the Kings (she was born in Spain so it's the 3 kings that bring all the big presents on Jan 6th and Santa brings a stocking on Xmas day) and her dad and I would choose one of the large items from the list to be from the Kings and everything else came from us/family. On Xmas day Santa would bring a stocking of little gifts/new pjs etc and that was it as the big celebration is Jan 6th.

Now DD lives in the UK where Christmas Day is a bigger deal her dad and I basically split the two celebrations as we have divorced - one of us does Xmas and the other does Jan 6th.

We still employ the same process even now DD is 10 and doesn't believe in Santa or the Kings. DD writes a wishlist early in December and we agree to get 2 of the big presents - one from me and one from her dad. The rest of the wishlist gets given to any family that asks for it as a guide to things DD wants. If someone goes "off list" or doesn't ask for it, that is entirely fine as it's a "wish list" not an order form.

You’ve made this really hard work

Absolutely pathetic. How old are you? It isn't just your controlling behaviour but judging your poor parents. Christmas is stressful enough without your drama added to it.

No doubt the OP has flounced and will shortly be asking MNHQ to shut down the thread because it's outing or some other made up crap.

Despite the drip feeds you were UNREASONABLE, RUDE and WRONG. I know you're not listening to what posters are telling you but 100% disagree with you. Do you not get a tiny clue from that?

If nothing else you should be grovelling to your DM for an apology.

Disgraceful behaviour, you should be ashamed.

Yabu. Also rude, entitled, ungrateful, controlling and childish. All in all, you behaved disgracefully and you are raising your children to be entitled and ungrateful too. You don't always get everything you want in life and you are setting them up for disappointment.