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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have swapped the presents

367 replies

Onahillside · 26/12/2018 09:40

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

OP posts:
PickledChutney · 26/12/2018 16:25

Yet another person who asks is they ABU, is told that they are BU, but then carries on explaining why they think they’re not!! Just stop it OP! You made the whole thing far too difficult and unnecessarily dramatic!

FairNotFair · 26/12/2018 16:31

No doubt the OP has flounced and will shortly be asking MNHQ to shut down the thread because it's outing or some other made up crap.

No; she's too busy organising Easter. Those eggs won't micromanage themselves, you know.

Allthewaves · 26/12/2018 16:36

Omg you have me a that stupidly complicated and you really can't tell other people what to do.

Cornishclio · 26/12/2018 16:44

I think rethinking this is a good idea. Firstly so long as the children get a few things they want does it matter if it comes from you, Santa or relatives? Asking your mum to rewrap presents so you can gift them as a Santa gift sounds a bit controlling. Reminiscent of some other thread where the Santa presents had to be wrapped in a certain paper design. Way too much work and fuss. Our kids wrote letters to Santa but not as an order form. Some people need to relax a bit and no wonder kids grow up spoiled and expecting to get everything they ask for.

Kikipost · 26/12/2018 16:51

Ps - I still remember about the same age crying my eyes out that I wasn’t allowed to put a cabbage patch doll on my Santa list (as obviously my parents had bought something else) - and I guess I thought it was a similar situation which could easily be avoided.

And rather than try to a more sensible strategy such as actually explaining that the wonderful think about Father Christmas is the magical surprise dimension to a Christmas list ie you may get some bits from the list, you may not get over bits but you may get some surprises, you went down an odd route that ultimately does your children no favours whatsoever

Comeymemo · 26/12/2018 16:58

Wow. You’re crazy.

My thought exactly.

SilverySurfer · 26/12/2018 17:04

Oh of course FairNotFair silly me. Does she make everyone who gives her child an egg dress up as the Easter Bunny do you think? We don't want them emotionally scarred for life by knowing their family gave them gifts or eggs Hmm

EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/12/2018 17:16

YABVVVVU

You need to apologise to your mum right now

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 26/12/2018 17:20

I don’t think people need to unduly harsh or horrible to the OP - many of us try to undo our own childhoods by going overboard in making sure our children don’t needlessly suffer. And anxiety about things like that can easily manifest itself in a tendency to micromanage or becoming overly controlling.

OP, if you’re still reading, please don’t take it all so seriously. Your children would have been fine had you left things the way they were.

Hannnnnnnxo · 26/12/2018 18:06

I have a headache trying to distil the ridiculous, childish and pedantic OP - I can’t believe controlling and weird people like this exist??? Present swapping- really? Asking relatives to bank transfer you money to cover the presents you already bought for your own kids - wtf?

What entitled little cretins are you raising if they’ll throw a strop that a present wasn’t labelled as being ‘from Santa’? My god, grow up. It’s not that serious.

Starlight456 · 26/12/2018 18:09

No point apologising your not sorry.

Please do show your mum this thread she may take comfort from the fact everyone gets why they were upset

3luckystars · 26/12/2018 18:17

WHAT AGE ARE YOUR CHILDREN?

CSIblonde · 26/12/2018 18:27

YABVVU. What on earth was the logic behind 2 lists? Recipe for disaster. One list as is normal would have prevented the pure chaos. I'm not surprised the other adults were fed up.

mammmamia · 26/12/2018 19:09

fairnotfair

Grin
Schoolchoicesucks · 26/12/2018 19:29

Your poor mother! I may have missed how old the DC are but you're making this terribly complicated for yourself.
Surely the dc (and you) think of some ideas, possibly even write the list or letter. Then some gifts come from family, some from Santa, and maybe some not at all (it's a wish list not a shopping list surely?).
If the dc need a story for that to work, you make one up, you don't start unwrapping gifts other people have bought and wrapped!

Amaried · 26/12/2018 21:32

Omg
I have no words

PumpkinPie2016 · 26/12/2018 22:01

You were unreasonable and rude. Your children would probably not even notice that Santa brought different gifts and Granny and grandad bought the things they wanted. They would have been happy to get the things they wanted.

To be honest, I don't do santa bringing gifts from.him. I tell my son (he is 5) that people order/send pennies to father Christmas for the things he might like and then father Christmas gets the elves to sort them out and he delivers them. It's honestly just as magical - DS has been thinking for weeks that the elves were making his Lego and was delighted on Christmas morning. Also means that he can say Thank you to people for his things.

Armchairanarchist · 26/12/2018 22:05

I'd be pissed off you wanted to include my gift as coming from Santa. You sound controlling.

Stormy76 · 26/12/2018 23:41

OP didn't get the response she wanted so she hasn't come back !

ceeveebee · 26/12/2018 23:48

Jeez I have heard it all now, seriously you commandeered other people’s gifts and then unwrapped presents to pretend they were from Santa.? That is the rudest thing I’ve ever heard. You are batshit crazy

FlashByReputation · 27/12/2018 02:33

Well hats off to those who understand what the hell is going on here! I'm as baffled as your mum OP. Big thing that stood out for me was the santa letter thing. You don't get EVERYTHING you ask for, you just give FC a few ideas or maybe ask for ONE super special gift. It's not a shopping list or online order form! In short - YABVU.

BasinHaircut · 27/12/2018 08:36

I feel like I read a different OP to the rest of you. Because to me it sounds like OP did all the present graft anyway so I can’t see why it made a difference which gift the grandparents ended up giving.

Yes it may have been slightly inconvenient if the presents were already wrapped but she gave them a heads up about swapping before the actual day and they could have raised an issue with it then but didn’t. To kick off about it on Xmas eve is pathetic.

You all think OP is unreasonable and controlling to try and micro manage Xmas, but everyone seemed happy with her making all of the effort and just handing over cash for pre-sourced and bought gifts up until that point so I can’t see why they would suddenly be put out by this approach.

Aridane · 27/12/2018 08:40

Eh? I don’t think I’m reading the same OP as you!!

MrMeSeeks · 27/12/2018 08:47

Yes yabu, massively and you were beyond rude to your parents

Ski4130 · 27/12/2018 08:50

And the award for over complicating Christmas goes to ...... op. I do understand trying to make it magical for your dc, but try and relax a little, and allow yourself, your family and your dc to enjoy Christmas. I’m pur house only the stockings are from Santa, it saves this kind of carry on, and means that our dc know that Christmas lists aren’t a done deal, they won’t get everything they ask for.