To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

YWBVVVVVU

You were rude. Very rude.

I think you were being unreasonable. You can't co-opt other people's gifts.

Why did the presents from your parents have to come from Santa, surely your children would be happy to get them no matter who they were from.

You were very unreasonable and rather controlling.
As for telling your mum that she was being childish, words fail me.

I'm with your mother here. You told her what to buy, she was looking forward to seeing her grandchild opening them. If I were her I would be very disappointed.

You were extremely rude. Wow.

I think it's also good for children to understand that they don't get everything they ask for - I find that's a good preperation for life!

This sounds like a ridiculously over complicated present system.

This is one of the things I don’t understand about Santa. In our house the children write their list and may ask for things when they see Santa but they really don’t care who sends it. This year their main ask was bought by GP and I made sure they knew it so they could thank them. Santa got them some smaller things and other family got the rest. They really aren’t bothered who is on the tag for a specific item and know Santa is aware what family have bought them so works around that.

I’d be very very annoyed if you asked me to swap my gift to keep in line with your strict Santa rules.

Surely all presents go on the list and then it doesn't matter if they come from Santa or family. Yabu to start unwrapping and swapping presents round

You sounds incredibly controlling. Your DC's letters to Santa are not an order form. If they get something different it's not the end of the world. If a grandparent gets them a present from the list, it's not the end of the world. Did your parents and brother want to be dictated to in terms of what they bought? If they asked for suggestions,that's fine, but perhaps they might have liked to pick something out for themselves, and you haven't given them the chance!

Ywbu, childish and controlling.

I genuinely don't understand why the presents had to be swapped. Why couldn't they simply be from your parents, who had bought them and wrapped them? Isn't it up to you to get what your kids put in their letter to Santa? - and to get them to write it early enough so that this doesn't become a problem?!

It sounds bonkers to me, and I'd have been pretty pissed off as well.

YABU OP. And controlling. I'm all for Santa but I'm also in favour of children understanding that people buy them presents. I would have been annoyed with you too.

You were the bad guy.

HTH

I can totally understand your mother's response.

You are WAY overthinking this. Yabvu.

This is why we always told our children the presents came from who they came from, not from Santa. They always wrote to santa and got some of what they asked for but in our house the little stockings full of sweets and tat come from Santa. Much less confusing and easier when it comes to writing thank yous!

Oh crikey, what a load of angst

I'm not even sure what went on, you asked your parents to switch presents? They didn't want to, you wouldn't let it go? Is that right?

Wow you were very unreasonable.
I don't like being told what to buy, how to wrap it etc etc.
You are lucky your relatives bought exactly what I said.
Dds bf asked me what I would like for Christmas and I said some make up brushes please. No particular brand but especially the make up brushes.
I had to laugh when I opened his present, he had bought me an umbrella!!!!
I received it with good grace.

Christmaszilla! I think you were being completely unreasonable, they were not your gifts to take and rewrap.

Go and beg an apology saying you went a little Christmas crazy. Honestly this is not normal. If I know relatives have bought something the kids want from Santa then they don’t get it on the morning and when they do get it I just say “Santa must have known granny had bought you that already.”

I would have told the kids that Santa knew their grandparents/aunt/uncle/whoever had already bought that present so he’d got them a different one he knew they’d like. That’s if they were particularly bothered about it, which they probably wouldn’t have been since they seem to have got everything off the list anyway.

I don't think anyone here will tell you that YANBU

What you did is extremely rude. Why does it matter if the presents come Santa or from their Grandma? She's paid for a present for your DC and you demand to unwrap it and swap it. Ridiculous. Your DM is not the childish one.

I wouldn't have asked to swap. I'd have prepared the kids beforehand with the knowledge that Santa knows if someone else has bought something he gives you something else. My DD has often not had her most requested present on Christmas Day, but she knows that it's likely that nan or grandma will have bought it instead.

You’ve made this very complicated by determining which specific gifts were coming from FC. Why did you need to do that? All you need is a wish list from the kids or a letter to FC and then decide who is buying what. I’m sure kids don’t care one way or another if an item was bought by a relative as long as it’s wanted. By doing it your way you’ve created a drama and unnecessary work when lots of us are already knackered.

You were telling your Mum that tne most ‘important’ presents have to come from Santa, she has to give ‘B’ list presents, and look on while you micro manage your kids gifts from other people.

Children change their minds all the time.

They already had listed things they wanted and you persuaded them to leave them off the Santa list.

You caused this by a much too rigid / controlling approach to the whole Santa thing.

Relax, chill, and let others enjoy giving and your kids being happy whoever a gift comes from.