To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

I couldn't even read your first paragraph without getting a headache. Why have you made Christmas such a chore?!

Step one: children write letter to santa.
Step two: buy the presents 'from santa' if they are affordable of course & stocking fillers.
Step three: let the reayvod your family decide, give then helpful tips like "ds mentioned the other day he saw a walking talking pony toy on tv"

I don't understand why you had to swap the gifts at all.

Elementary error was getting them to write a list, buy the presents and then (when there was no room for manoeuvre) writing letters to Santa. Next year no list. Save the money, then write Santa letters suitably early so you can buy the stuff in response.

I imagine your mum has enough to do. I love Christmas, but it’s very hard work getting everything prepared. If she thought everything was ready and was looking forward to a restful evening before the big day, then she probably just lost her rag.

You set this up. Realistically, the children probably wouldn’t have cared either way. Next year, don’t complicate things so much, and if you’re staying with your mum again, make things as easy for her as you can. I appreciate you’d tried to do that by organising the presents, but then you moved the goalposts. No wonder she was a bit pissed off.

YABVVVVVVU

This is why Father Christmas fills a stocking in this house.

Then all other gifts come from us or family members and the child is given that gift into their hands.

Unwrapping presents OMG. Ridiculous behaviour.

You have approached Christmas with one primary goal in mind, your DC's Santa list. Everyone else's feelings were secondary. That's not how its done. You gave your family the opportunity to give your DCs something they really wanted, and they obviously got a thrill out of that. Then you took it away from them.

Next time leave your family to their own devices. Control what is within your sphere - and keep one or two special gifts from mummy! Santa really doesn't care about hogging the glory!!

YABVU and controlling, but judging by your responses here you clearly don’t see that and won’t acknowledge that.

When you messaged them to say the presents needed to be swapped did they agree? If so I can see why you were a bit surprised at the defence. On the other hand, moving forward remember that Santa is very fluid, very benign, often forgetful, changes 'rules' from year to year but ultimately magical so just be ready with reasons when questioned by dc about logistics etc although you will be surprised at how rare this is. Another thing to remember is that Christmas may be mainly for children but it's also for families and friends who get a lot from giving and hosting etc. and whose feelings shouldn't be shoved aside in correcting micro-managed fantasy scenarios however important they seem at the time. If everyone feels happy and loved then the day has been a success!

What a load of old cobblers OP. Not sure why you posted as you literally don't give a shit what anyone else thinks.

”When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list”

Lost the will to live at this point. Such hard work! They do a list for ‘Santa’. One list. Then you (not the children, WTAF!) work out who is going to get what. The end.

Of course if your children are allowed to do a second list they are going to use the opportunity to add stuff to it!

It’s been a while since we had a proper bat shit crazy post where the OP completely refuses to accept they ABU. I’ve missed them.

I get that it's probably too late now to change things but in our house Santa only drops off small gifts

This year he left my daughter a Cinderella dress, a 'magic' chocolate that 'regrows' itself once and 5 x $1 coins. The coins and the magic chocolate are regulars every year, the Cinderella dress was in place of the elsa costume she wanted but when Santa called to tell me he couldn't find one in her size but he had a Cinderella dress she happily swapped … oh and some 'ice magic' (the topping) in a box - apparently Santa misunderstood as she wanted real ice magic like Elsa but Santa's not perfect .

Anyway, my point is that along with only having small stuff from Santa we also tell our eldest (and will tell our youngest when he is old enough) that adults have a phone line to Santa so we can call him up to let him know what the kids like and he can also call us to let us know if there are any problems.

YWU to your family and I would have been annoyed too.

I am completely baffled by the whole 'not being allowed' to put something on the list for Santa. Growing up we always knew that we could ask for things but wouldn't necessarily get everything we asked for, it didn't work like that and we were grateful for whatever we did get. Children shouldn't assume they will get everything they want all the time and you have created a situation for absolutely no reason. YABU.

You owe your parents a massive apology.

Waaaaaaay too complicated. Too many lists and unecessary messing with swapping.

I'd really take the advice given on the thread of having an early FC list and then to decide from there. Have a couple of presents reserved from FC or you (the parents) and leave the rest for relatives to choose from.

Although, personally, I'd do away with FC/Santa, and all that crap.

You are crazy and rude, very rude.

YABVU

It’s been a while since we had a proper bat shit crazy post where the OP completely refuses to accept they ABU. I’ve missed them.

Totally agree, Win.

OP, I salute you and your insane and mannerless micromanaging.

You were being a total control freak and were rude. Your mother probably thought your behaviour was totally bizarre (as do I) especially after she had already wrapped the gifts and you insisted on unwrapping and rewrapping. What a waste.

They should have things on their letters that they simply dont get. They need to learn this lesson in life that you dont get everything you ask for.
It doesnt matter who brought what. You temoved so much fun from doing all of this on Xmas Eve your poor Parents.

Blimey, complicated and unnecessary! Do you think the kids know or care who gave what?

What a nut job. A control freak. YABVU.

2nd one of the day - why bother posting?

OP - AIBU

Everyone - yes, rude and controlling

OP - no I am not - lots more excuses

When the kids were little and able to know to ask Santa for something, that present came from us (as long as we could afford it - if not, just something wrapped separately) - you did ruin it for your mum and you need to chill ... you do realise that one day they'll know it was you in any case, so no point in having fallings out with family when you can choose the santa gift and they can do what they want to do

I’m completely confused by this whole thing! My children ask Santa for some things... on the day some come from Santa, some from us, some from grandparents etc. It really really doesn’t matter!

OP, you really DO owe your parents a heartfelt apology.

And, you haven't answered this (perhaps because it's material and wouldn't help your cause) but, How old are your children?

Be gracious in your apology to your Mum and don't be prescriptive again because that could backfire spectacularly.

Dear God, what a carry on. About time you explained to your children that a wish list is not an order form, it’s just to give Santa some ideas and the rest is up to him