To have swapped the presents

[Onahillside]

My DCs wrote a wish list of a number of items - all roughly the same price. We / Santa would get a couple and my DParents and DB one each. DCs identified which 3 they wanted from Santa - and I asked DParents / DB specifically which ones to buy. In fact one of them I had already bought and had delivered so they just needed to transfer the money.

When my DCs wrote their Santa letters, they then started to include items which weren’t on the original wish list (and therefore hadn’t been bought). It was out of our budget to add those to the presents - so I managed to get the DCs to be happy with a Santa letter which included only items from the original wish list (but each had one item which I had actually asked my DParents / DB to buy.

No problem I thought - messaged them to say we’ll need to swap the presents around when we arrive to stay over on Christmas Eve so that the ‘right’ presents turned up from Santa. Remember these are presents which I either sent them the specific link to buy or actually ordered myself.

Christmas Eve comes and after the DCs go to bed, I say ‘right let’s get the presents swapped’ expecting it to be rather lighthearted / joking about the things you do for kids etc. Instead I was met with ‘you can’t, they’re already wrapped before you told us’, ‘we’re not looking through all the presents for them’, ‘you’ve really messed things up’ etc.

DM did get the presents and I found the right ones and unwrapped and asked her is she wanted X gift instead (similar value and still really wanted by DC). ‘I don’t care just chuck it in the bag’ (unwrapped with some other smaller wrapped gifts) was my DM response.

I told her I thought it would have been done in good grace and that she was being childish, she said I shouldn’t talk to her like that, raised some other issues and said I was always spoiling things and it all kicked off.

Anyway, we’ve ‘made up’ now but deep down I’m still annoyed that I was the bad guy and I genuinely didn’t / don’t think I did anything wrong asking for the presents to be swapped - especially given the way they were chosen and bought.

Ps - my DPs love my kids dearly and would have been happy to choose something for them - but preferred to get something they knew that they wanted.

So - was I unreasonable asking them to swap and expect that it was done in good grace?

How controlling are you??? Christmas and its preparation must be a barrel of laughs at your house!

Madness YWBVVU

Wow. You have issues.

I must be odd but totally don’t see why they would mind which gift they gave as long as they gave something the kids liked.

Then why didn't you give the present you already had!?!??!

They asked Santa for stuff they aren't going to be upset when they get the stuff in a different order.

Asking to swap is a bit much, but as soon as you realised it was an inconvenience you should have dropped it.

Surely Santa didn't need to bring those presents as he already knew your family had bought them though? I really don't understand your anguish over this. That way your family get the pleasure of giving gifts the children really want and the Santa magic is still there. Instead you caused upset and unnecessary drama by acting so rudely.

They had bought a gift. It's not all about you and it's not all about Santa either. It doesn't matter if you chose the gifts or not. The fact is they had wrapped it, it was from them, and at the very last minute you demanded they change them. You need to apologise properly.

No matter how many explanations you give, ya still bu.

That's not going to change.

Yabu and controlling, not to mention rude. This all makes you sound quite hard work.

This sounds like such a shit system and also as the children get older it's going to get seriously expensive if they have to have everything on the list.

It's crap for those who have bought the gift if Santa is the one to get all the credit, and it's crap for the child if they only get what's on the list. Some of the best presents I got as a child were ones I hadn't asked for. If it has to be exactly what's on the list why even bother wrapping them.

I can understand rewrapping the present if they are given TO the wrong person (barbie paper for a boy and batman for a girl for example), but FROM the wrong one? It makes absolutely no sense at all.

You need to stop justifying your behaviour, you were out of order and that has to be the most complicated santa gifts system, why did you get your kids to do it twice? Once is enough and then it gets posted that way you don't have this stupidity. Kids can't have everything they want so in that your DM is right, you are spoiling them and ruined Christmas for your parents by being a joy sucker!

I would be cross if I gave a present and someone decided it had to come from Santa.

My two are slightly beyond the letter writing bit now but they used to write huge lists and know they might get 2 or 3 items from it.

These days, my son half believes and stockings are fun, so we still do Santa presents but he gets the small ones and I get the credit for the main ones. I also thinks that means there's less questioning when back to school about how unfair Santa seems to be by getting huge presents for some and very little for others.

Completely over thought and unnecessary behaviour.

If the DC even noticed enough to question it on the day, surely a simple "Santa didn't bring you X as he's magic and knew Grandma had already got it." would suffice?

It seems quite OTT to do it, and needlessly stressful the night before!

Op. Am I being unreasonable

Mumsnet. Yes you are. And very controlling too

Op. But. But. But. But. But

Ugh. This is why Santa brings surprises. Any wish list is just that.

Wow, this is utterly ridiculous. I hope by now after all these responses that you can see how far this is beyond all realms of normal behaviour.

Serious question here:

Why post in AIBU and then continue to justify your actions when being told unanimously that you ARE BU?

This is the reason we only do stockings from Santa with chocolate and small toys. I want friends and relatives and us to get the credit for any presents bought. Am trying to phase out relatives having to buy presents too. Too much money and faff for everyone and the children get overwhelmed with tatt.

I assume rewrapped as Santa uses his own paper and if he uses the same paper as Grandma it would ruin the magic of Christmas forever.

OP did you tell everyone what paper they could / couldn't use?

YWBVU

Kids aren't going to care if Santa or their grandparents bought a coveted gift. You are insanely controlling and the process sounds as far from magical as can be. Xmas is stressful enough without this kind of shot.

You are totally unreasonable and very controlling over the whole affair. You also appear to be stubborn as over 50 objective and uninvolved people have told you why they think you were wrong and yet you still think you are right.

We had a similar situation last year, DS asked Santa for one thing when he saw him, which was the thing that MIL had bought. But same as you we actually bought and she gave us the money for.

We had bought him the other (but similar thing) he wanted because he had told us that’s what he was asking Santa for.

We just asked MIL if we could swap them over and she said fine. No drama. Like you we wanted to make sure DS got what he wanted from Santa because we knew how much he would love that.

Really makes no difference to the adults surely?

Fml you are one of those parents - tying yourself (and everyone else) into knots to appease your children will not end well

Why are you making Christmas such a bloody chew? You’re teaching your children to be high strung like yourself. Mine write a bloody list and we get some bits off it. You’ve sucked the fun right out of Christmas.