Should DH share this money with?

[TeeJay1970]

DH has been out of work for 3 years this Christmas. I work as a primary school teacher fulltime and have taken on 7 hours a week of private tuition to keep the money coming in.

For 3 years every bill has ben paid from my earnings, my wages pays for both our cars and holidays - everything.

For Christmas his dad gave all 3 of his children, including my DH, a rolled up bundle of £20s. Not sure how much but a few hundred pounds.

I don't want this money; it's DH's - a present from his dad. However, AIBU to think DH should offer to share it with me? It's the only money that's come into the household from his side for 3 years.

I'd turn it down if he offered BTW but, under the circumstances, should this money be joint like my teacher salary and tutoring pay?

he's so slow to do things around the house and it drives me nuts. Funny that, when he should at least be keeping the home fires burning.

Do you mind that he's no intention of working again? Or doing anything domestic?

Why the hell are you letting a grown man live off you? He's too proud to sign on but not too proud to live off you!?

Is his stroke game that strong?

Sorry Op but he's a lazy fucker and you're putting up with that shit.

Fuckin' hell, he's a very expensive pet. A dog would be cheaper. He's deliberately incompetent because he knows you'll put up with his lazy arse.

Lazy fucker. Your a mug op.

Birthday money the receiver spends on themselves. Christmas money we pool. It works for us.

It sounds like being married to a two year old.
He can drive and has access to a vehicle. He can't be unemployable.
I really can't believe you're going to put up with this for ever.

Sorry OP, but I think you’re an absolute mug!

Ah wise up OP
Are you that desperate for a man ?
Cocklodger in the extreme.

l don't know if he'd get benefits if you're working, to be honest. They stopped mine when l got my work pension, but l still sign on so my NI stamp gets paid.
Not the same thing benefits wise, but my friend was on some form of disability benefit, which was stopped after an assessment. They put her onto jobseekers, but because she lives with her partner who works full time and earns a decent amount, that stopped after a few months. l don't think they pay anything in benefits if a spouse/live in partner is earning over a certain amount. They're expected to keep you.

Well after reading your updates, he’s a ponce who is happily lazing around while you do all the work. Sod that. Why does he have a car? He could find work, he doesn’t want to. It’s easier sponging off you.

I wouldn't take the money but I would tell the loser to use it as a deposit to start again. I am sorry but he is a complete cocklodging sponger. Nobody is unemployable, nobody, he won't sign on, he doesn't work, he has no kids and you are working extra hours to support him, how unattractive do you get?? Nope, he could keep it, it's the least of your worries

That said you treating him as god telpis probably doesn't help him

lf he's shy and/or has social problems, there are agencies out there who will support him. l'm registered with one because of physical health problems, but they also help people with depression/anxiety etc. They do courses and have support staff who can liaise with employers who they know are likely to take on people who have difficulties.

@katseyes7 is absolutely right.

He won't sign on he hates the idea. happy to live off you though? When you're taking on an extra day a weeks work?
YANBU plus although he does 90% of housework if you don’t have any children it’s not that arduous.

He needs to sign on for his pension credit whether or not he gets any benefit. He would have got contributions based job seekers for I think 6 mths but they work you hard to look for a job which is maybe what he doesn't like!

I wouldn’t put up with living with a useless lump wipe as too proud to claim the benefits he was entitled to.

That’s the issue. Not the banknotes.

There’s always work, even over 50 and unskilled. Shelf stacking, delivery driver, warehouse worker....

l don't know if he'd get benefits if you're working, to be honest. They stopped mine when l got my work pension, but l still sign on so my NI stamp gets paid.

He won't. A lot of people are still living in the 90s on here. It's UC now for all new claims like his, not even sure if' they'd pay the stamp any more.

A mate was made redundant at 51. She has dyslexia and dyspraxia but she can drive. She works in an Amazon warehouse now. Barring pretty serious disability, no one is unemployable.

You have much bigger problems than a few hundred quid Christmas present!

Mainly the fact that your husband is a cocklodging waste of space who has no intention of working and is happy for you to support him indefinitely

My dad was made redundant from his lifelong profession in his 50s. He applied for any and all jobs going and soon found another one. Not in the same career as he’d worked all his life, and less money, but he wouldn’t dream of not working. After being made redundant again in his early 60s he became self employed, because not working isn’t an option.

I’m over 50. I lack confidence. I’m shy. I work.

As the MN saying goes he is a 'cock lodger'...

It's ridiculous for a grown man to be doing nothing while you support him. If he has MH issues, there is help for that.

Don't know if there is Uber in your area but he could do that since he has a car. He could retrain short term for something.

Why are you paying for a car for him if he doesn’t work? Unless you’re somewhere really rural.
Does much money come to you in the way of gifts? How would you deal with an inheritance for example?
Personally, despite it being a gift, I’d be telling him to share it. If he wouldn’t I’d seriously consider leaving based on what you’ve said here.
Love the poster who said he’s an expensive pet.