Should DH share this money with?

[TeeJay1970]

DH has been out of work for 3 years this Christmas. I work as a primary school teacher fulltime and have taken on 7 hours a week of private tuition to keep the money coming in.

For 3 years every bill has ben paid from my earnings, my wages pays for both our cars and holidays - everything.

For Christmas his dad gave all 3 of his children, including my DH, a rolled up bundle of £20s. Not sure how much but a few hundred pounds.

I don't want this money; it's DH's - a present from his dad. However, AIBU to think DH should offer to share it with me? It's the only money that's come into the household from his side for 3 years.

I'd turn it down if he offered BTW but, under the circumstances, should this money be joint like my teacher salary and tutoring pay?

Don't throw the baby out with the bath water by the way. Even though this hasn't been an experience you've enjoyed, MN isn't just about one thread, so don't abandon MN just because of this. You may find it helpful at a future time, in a different context. x

OP, I have no idea what your DH is like as a person as I don't know him but you presented your situation to a bunch of outsiders to the situation and pretty much every single reply has tried to point out to you that your home situation is unfair on you.

You describe how thoughtful, caring and supportive he's been to you and others but that's generally what a loving partner would do! With a job!

Posters have merely tried to point out what you appear to not be able to see.
Or maybe you can see it and that's why you're being so defensive?

Put up with your situation if that's what you want to do but don't slate people for trying to help you see what's right in front of you.

Does he have all his NI payments up to date to get the full pension when he is 67. If something happened to you he could be stuck if not.
A family member works nights at a hotel, locking up, making sure no drunks are lying in the rose bushes. Perhaps he could do a night or two of something like that.

Put up with your situation if that's what you want to do but don't slate people for trying to help you see what's right in front of you.

Indeed this is obviously a case of OP wearing rose tinted glasses.

However, OP I don't for one minute believe you are happy with the situation. Or else you woudn't have included all the background on your husband being out of work, you paying for all bills, holidays, cars etc. You know he should be sharing the money but I get the feeling he has you so downtrodden that you thought yourself unreasonable, and wanted people to justify his selfish behaviour by saying their spouses would do the same as him.

SAHP = Stay at home parent

How can you be a SAHP if you have no children?

Op is MUG tattooed on your forehead ??????

My DP lost his job over 50 and struggled to find work in his field. He signed on with local job agencies and did some really crap jobs. He ended up.in a call centre which led to a full time job . It's half what he used to earn but low stress and a wage coming in. I suspect your OH won't sign on as they will make him apply for jobs. He should use his windfall to treat you both.

@C0CKL0DER
You are NOT a SAHP. Neither is the OP's DH. Stop offending every SAHP on here by saying such rubbish, it's absurd and offensive.

@Pinkyyy I am indeed a SAHP, as mentioned by other posters previously. Parental responsibilities don’t stop at children, I make a wonderful home - 90% of the time.

You don’t define me or the OP DH.

Being a SAHP is entirely different, because you’re a team.

Surely a couple without children is just as much a team and can arrange their working and finances in whatever way suits them?

@C0CKL0DER You are not. You cannot be a SAHP when you have nobody to parent. It's an absolutely stupid thing to say. It's like someone saying they are a window cleaner, but they don't clean windows.

Correct, I don't define you, but clearly you've got your definitions all wrong.

@Pinkky No, your definitions are wrong.

The fact I look after our dogs, three wonderful Peruvian Inca Orchid’s: Daisy, Fluffington and McDoggyFace means I’m not a parent?

You don’t cosinder my wonderful babies, because they are dogs, part of our family? This is speaking volumes about you and your outdated preconceptions!

@COCKLODER has to be taking the piss.

@C0CKL0DER You're batshit crazy. Also that's an interesting username you picked for yourself...

Cockl0der is obviously having some fun.

Cocklodger, there are no intricacies of housework without the soothing effects of children, what does that even mean?

Both halves of a couple being happy with an arrangement is one thing but this isn't what the op has presented

I just re-read the PP and it appears I fell right in to that one

I'm sorry but to me, it sounds like he is being a lazy twat. Unskilled and 50? No excuse. Tell him to get his arse to the JobCentre! And go to agencies and they'll help find him work. There's so many warehouses and distribution centres that needs workers which most likely will lead onto a position.

If he can drive he's not totally unskilled. He could get a job and sustain it if the OP weren't so determined to molly coddle him by working two jobs. If there were absolutely no necessity for him to work because their outgoings are so low she wouldn't be doing an extra 7 hours a week on top of a stressful, exhausting job.

So if you have a court date booked. And has been for ages. And you dump your lawyer, and then have no lawyer. What happens?