Should DH share this money with?

[TeeJay1970]

DH has been out of work for 3 years this Christmas. I work as a primary school teacher fulltime and have taken on 7 hours a week of private tuition to keep the money coming in.

For 3 years every bill has ben paid from my earnings, my wages pays for both our cars and holidays - everything.

For Christmas his dad gave all 3 of his children, including my DH, a rolled up bundle of £20s. Not sure how much but a few hundred pounds.

I don't want this money; it's DH's - a present from his dad. However, AIBU to think DH should offer to share it with me? It's the only money that's come into the household from his side for 3 years.

I'd turn it down if he offered BTW but, under the circumstances, should this money be joint like my teacher salary and tutoring pay?

Flogging a dead horse here.
Carry on op another few years then you might realise but it’ll be too late by then.
Because “I love him”.

He loves you. And your money. And your ability and willingness to let him do whatever he wants all day everyday. While you work all sorts of hours to make that happen.

If he loved you he wouldn’t let you take on extra hours just to make sure he can do nothing all day

He has no respect for you.

OP you don't want advice and you're quite comfortable in your current circumstances so why even bother posting?

Lots of women on MN don't work and don't want to be housekeeper. There is outrage if DH so much as asks for dinner when he is working 50 hrs a week. So why are you all being nasty about this DH?
That said I think the money should be used for joint treat like a holiday.

In what way would you be lost without him? He’s a burden that you would be better off without. Sometimes people we love become a burden through no fault of their own and sometimes like in your case they become a burden out of choice because it’s easier than standing on their own two feet.

This is such a depressing thread.

I have friends who think i'm odd for remaining single, but then I read things like this and remind myself that it's better to be single than funding a man child. People like him are so unattractive, no drive, no get up and go, no desire to be an equal partner.

Honestly OP grow a backbone, "he loves me" sounds like a teenager trying to convince her parents that her deadbeat partner is good enough.

He obviously has no respect for you, if he did he wouldn't be happily sitting at home doing pretty much fuck all. And domestic chores can't be that arduous, there are only 2 of you how much domestic stuff could there actually be? He knows he's got a sweet deal, he pays bugger all and gets to benefit from all your hard work.

My exH inherited a few thousand.

I used to run a business as well as work FT so paid for lots of luxurious holidays as well as the wedding. When I asked if he was planning to share the cash he reacted as if I'd asked him to cut off his penis.

When I divorced him shortly afterwards I cited this as part of his unreasonable behaviour.

What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too.. I don't f think so!

Bloody hell, if he can drive, he could drive a bus. They're always crying out for new drivers, up here.

Or is he the sort that's too good for the bus?

@converseandjeans it's not a male/female problem. The problem is that the OP's DH is making zero effort to find work and the OP is blindly paying for everything, when no agreement was made that this was fine. He's just taking it upon himself to be a lazy freeloader and the OP is happy to allow it because apparently he 'loves her'. Usually on MN the other parent (be they make or female) is usually a SAHP, not just a lazy twat.

Lazy fucker.

OP whether you love him or not, the fact is, you cannot afford to keep this up.

Taking on a second job now isn't going to sort his pension provision (if he's mid fifties, how many decades of living expenses is he going to need if he never works again?!).

It's unsustainable. And I'm assuming you've got your own pension provision sorted which is a big, optimistic assumption on my part.

If he's only worked FT for six years in the last fifteen, that also means he essentially stopped FT work.. what.. in 2005? So, mid40s?

He won't have even paid enough National Insurance contributios as a standard worker to get access to the basic state pension, unless you start paying the missing contributions for him! Can you not see what a massive problem this is going to be for you both? (Most SAHPs claim child benefit which pays their contribution - but clearly that doesn't apply to him)

It's irrelevant whether you love him.

You can't afford to keep this up.

I can buy that he is unable to find or keep work, I can just about buy that his pride won't let him sign on but will let you take on extra work. However, if he is genuine, he loves you and values how hard you work to maintain his standard of living then his first thought with this money would be how to show appreciation to you. If he has a wonderful time for himself with the money while you work hard for little disposable income then I couldn't give him the benefit of the doubt any more.

There are plenty of people in your situation OP.
I have two female friends (with no children) who have haven't worked since they got married. Plenty of others don't go to work even now their children have grown up and left home.
I wonder if it's seen as odd because he's a man?

WhiteDust no, it's seen as crazy by me because the financials just don't allow that setup to be an option. Read TFT. Nothing to do with gender.

Eilaianne - he’ll get other benefits instead it’s if she boots him out at working age he needs to worry, pensioners don’t do too badly

I can't get past page one....Why are you putting up with this ..bizarre indeed

What a mug! What an embarrassment

If the situations were reversed and the man was taking on extra work because the women was too much of a klutz to get a job and there were no children I'm pretty sure the responses would be the same.

This isn't a case of ladies who lunch and are quite happy to be kept by men who have plenty of money and actively want someone catering to their every whim.

We shared all our money although we both worked full time - teacher husband and my higher earning career so it was fairer - although tring.
I bet we could find this over 50 man some work. He may be unskilled but he drives. My son drives a van (delivery locally) and makes about £22k a year at it. Could your husband not do that?

Plenty of women don’t work and spend their days swanning around spending their husbands money

Really? Genuinely? Women with no kids, and no need to, just swan around spending money? Can’t say that’s something I’ve come across.

Oh dear OP.. he loves you and would be lost without you? I bloody bet he would.. he'd have to earn some bloody money and look after himself. 🙄

You sound like a decent and hardworking woman, but honestly how are you not repulsed by a man who is happy to sit back and let you do everything for him?

Your choice obviously though if you are happy with that status quo 🤷🏻‍♀️

He sounds like a pathetic waste of space. He certainly does not sound lovable.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn - yes and around the world too. I’ve lived in several countries and met plenty of those women. Lucky them

I think my DH would use it for a treat for both of us that we wouldn't otherwise be able to afford because he can't find work

Of course he loves you and would be lost without you out you - he'd have to work!! 😂

Seriously he is a loser, you are deluded and you enable him. Let him keep his few bob, he can buy a few sweeties with it! That's how you treat him.

Wise up op, he loves you because you facilitate his lazybastarditis