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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

335 replies

Marg0tt · 25/12/2018 19:48

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

OP posts:
Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 23:10

aghhhh irritating? No. Epic joke? Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 23:13

Okay maybe not as great as epic AGHHHH but not deserving of punto’s fury

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 26/12/2018 23:20

There is always one at Christmas isn't there? Today we have Punto.

Most teens have clothes, etc etc for Christmas you are taking mad mad shit.

I got shampoo too! Usually nicer stuff than would ordinarily be bought.

Storminateacup1 · 26/12/2018 23:24

Well that escalated quickly. Jeez.

MissusGrinch2018 · 26/12/2018 23:52

oh OP please ignore Punto - unhinged comes to mind.

Presents are treating her and I enjoy doing this because I love her, they’re not validation for her

I'll be honest though - there wasn't many 'treats' for her and the lack of thought would mortify me - I have one son who I put a lot of effort into his presents.

Budget wise yes you aren't 'flush' but also you say aren't 'struggling' - I know everyone is different but to me that seems a very small amount of things you bought her, I do recognise though that I'm at the opposite end of the scale whereby I overbuy.

A shopping trip or vouchers would be lovely - no time though is no excuse for such few *unexciting. presents - I work full time, look after my elderly parents etc etc - I still managed to buy my son lots of gifts that I know he'd love.

Original poster
Marg0tt · 26/12/2018 23:55

missusgrinch haha yep I definitely didn’t treat her this year 😂 I just mean, in general, I view presents that way.
I don’t tend to buy lots for Christmas and this was a bit less than usual but not wildly less. However, I usually get better, more thoughtful presents even if there aren’t many of them.

OP posts:
MissusGrinch2018 · 27/12/2018 00:01

Well I hope you've all had a lovely Christmas and bless you for taking my comment in the spirit it was meant

AGHHHH · 27/12/2018 00:04

@Punto1 I know I'm not funny, but at least I'm not a horrible, mithering prick who doesn't know when to leave someone be. Cheers Wine

Marriedwithchildren5 · 27/12/2018 00:05

You must know Punto in real life! No one can get so upset, so quickly over a jumper!!

MissusGrinch2018 · 27/12/2018 00:12

oh and entering the 'jumper' debate - My son wears them - his GF bought him one for Christmas that cost 130 pound! Loads of his mates do too - absolutely bizarre Confused

twosoups1972 · 27/12/2018 08:37

@Punto1 not that unusual actually, my 15 and 17 year old dds both wear jumpers a lot. Hoodies for slobbing around at home but for going out they like to look a bit smarter. Don't be so judgmental, I hate these teen stereotypes.

twosoups1972 · 27/12/2018 08:53

Blimey! OP glad to hear it all ended well. Your dd sounds lovely, you must have raised her well Smile

@Punto I don't know why you sound so angry, Christmas isn't just about the gifts. The OP came one asking for advice which she has got from other posters.

MochiBean · 27/12/2018 09:23

You keep commenting how lovely she's been, have you told her this? Honestly, it'll mean more than presents even if she can't tell you that. She's old enough for her to be honest with her, tell her you can see the presents perhaps weren't her favourite, but you're so proud of her for being so gracious about them! Xx

Dieu · 27/12/2018 09:33

Was that all?

On the plus side, I think you have raised a wonderful daughter for her to have shown such gratitude and grace.

Mine would have been less than impressed at this.

Sorry OP x

mimiasovitch · 27/12/2018 09:51

I think your daughter sounds lovely. For what it's worth, my 17 year old dd would love a wall planner, and both dds (then other is 15) wear jumpers all the time. Not that I can choose them mind - they're really fussy Over details that I wouldn't consider, like the drop of the shoulder seam etc. Also they like fancy shampoo. Maybe she didn't have enough, but the gifts themselves sound great.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/12/2018 10:11

I'm glad you had a conversation and I'm glad that she now has something else she really wanted, and will be able to buy something with the money from the jumper.

I don't think you did that badly and cannot understand the level of over-involved vitriol from some on here!

Have a great New Year! Xmas Grin

Georgeofthejungle · 27/12/2018 17:31

Ask her what her friends got for Christmas, her answer will give you her feelings on what she got :) x

PolarBearkshire · 27/12/2018 17:31

Yes sounds lousy. Shampoo and clothing are not really “presents” unless high brand and otherwise out of reach. Sounds like you justifying buying smaller child more..
take the poor teenager for sales shopping with a voucher...
If you are feeling guilty - you know why. Address it

FTTtheatre · 27/12/2018 17:33

I wouldn’t worry about it, it’s just material stuff and in the great scheme of things is not important.

Your daughter has clearly been brought up well to show appreciation.

I used to stress about this stuff and now due to major life changes it doesn’t seem important.
My 9yr old got a slime making kit and some squishys.
In truth I would rather had spent all of Christmas Day with her (she went to her dads and his new family) instead of spending it alone.

Time and love are far more important than things. Things she won’t remember by next Christmas.

canadianbanana · 27/12/2018 17:35

I have had the same issue with my older dd, but have found it helpful to address the issue with my dd directly. Tell her you feel badly, and that you feel she got short changed this Christmas. When you have a free day, take her out for lunch, have a good gab and maybe buy her something she can choose herself. If she can't think of anything she'd like, use some of the suggestions other posters have given, and see if anything appeals to her.

EdWinchester · 27/12/2018 17:43

I have a 16 year old.

You’re clearly on a budget, so I’d hope she’s old enough to be grateful for the gifts she did get. I can’t imagine giving shampoo as a present though.

sunshineNdaisies · 27/12/2018 17:51

too little imo. I agree shampoo is a wierd gift

Turquoise123 · 27/12/2018 17:59

As you say - another chain about presents and how they ruin Christmas

neveradullmoment99 · 27/12/2018 18:04

Well it all sounds sorted out now. Glad she is happy. The presents weren't that bad. Tbh, I envy people who haven't over indulged their children. I wish I had given my children lower expectations. Now I feel I have to fulfil them every year. Don't get me wrong, I do like giving them things but its expensive!

Mumofferalboys · 27/12/2018 18:12

Some of these comments are quite harsh and judgemental. 😱 Most kids these days are so spoilt with stuff they don’t need. What kids really want is our time more than anything. Getting stuff is exciting to open but the excitement doesn’t last. There’s more to life than presents and spending time with your kids is priceless. I reckon spend time with her doing something she loves and make memories. Don’t let yourself out others make u feel guilty for not buying into commercialism. Xx

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