To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

[Marg0tt]

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

What's wrong with buying shampoo.
I got my dd some because it was Victoria Secret and 4 times what I'd normally spend on a bottle.
I bought shower Gel for exactly the same reason.

Think we've all been there ! Don't beat yourself up , she'll get over it before you .

Doesn’t sound like much thought or effort went into choosing her gifts shampoo?
Perhaps a gift voucher for her favourite clothes shop.

Late to the party but I struggled with DS (14) as I must now admit I’m out of touch and wouldn’t have a clue what he’d really like so he sent me an email list complete with links, it contained a jacket, socks (branded) a belt, trainers (specific retro style) a watch, a baseball ball cap. Father Christmas filled his stocking with sweets and various basics like deodorant, hair styling products, after shave, usb cables etc. None of it was ‘exciting’ but he was thrilled, I would never have got the right thing in a million years because my taste is just of a different generation. Urban outfitters was featured heavily and it all looks like the shit I wore that wasn’t stylish the first time round!

Dd told me what she wanted and I negotiated as it was WAY too much for all of it. We've ended up scooping up the stuff she didn't get in the Boxing Day sales though.

She's very non-girly - into gaming and 'weird shit' so no way I could guess what to get her without direction.

OH yes, but despite being into 'weird shit' she's always very very happy to receive knickers, shampoo, general bath and skin stuff - they are basically all the things she doesn't think about herself. She's 16.

I was going to say that if your DD feels any sense of unfairness, what will matter to her is that you acknowledge it and try to put it right. But reading the whole thread, that’s obviously what you’ve done. Sounds like a good outcome.

I don’t get the hate for the shampoo! What my 9 year old was most pleased with was a Tube of Molton Brown hand cream.....

I also have 2 DDs, and a DS. My cardinal rule every Christmas is that they get roughly the same amount spent on them (one memorable year I got both girls' presents to within 50p of each other, yes, I am that scrupulous about being fair!). They also have to have the same number of presents to unwrap.

I look for gifts that have the 'wow' factor, so I listen carefully to what they admire over the course of the year and then I buy it. I was lucky this year to have a trip to NYC and I bought a lot of bits there. They are 21 and 19, and I do buy them clothes sometimes. I have a pretty good idea of each one's (different) style. Spend time with them, go window shopping, listen to what they admire that their friends have etc. And yes, of course they wear jumpers, and so do their friends!!

DS was a little amused (he's 15) at the three body wash sets, but as I explained, they were 3 for 2 in Boots lol! He also got hoodies, T-shirts, books and what he's wanted forever, a goddamn Nintendo Switch plus games.

Does she like jewellery or makeup? Nail varnish? Read books? Like concerts or music? Have any hobbies? There's so much you can get a 16 year old, I think it's a far easier age to cater for than 10! You just need to put some thought into it. For example, DD2 got the Greatest Showman piano book for her birthday - she has grade 8 piano and she saw the movie 5 times, lol. DD1 adores our cat and loves jewellery (DD2 adores the cat but doesn't wear jewellery much) - so she got a lovely silver necklace with a cat washing its face. I bet there's lots you could think of it you just use your creativity and join a few dots!

My 20yo DD old got a new kindle with Alexa, a lipsy tracksuit, ugg sliders, a fancy irregular choice pillow for her bedroom, a blue tooth party speaker, several W7 eye shadow palettes, lip glosses, two cheapish perfume,shower gel/body lotion sets ( beyonce and a lipsy ), a set of books and a cheap smart watch to go with her phone. She was delighted.

I have 4 kids between 10-20. my eldest son is 18 and I wasn't too sure what to get him so I bought what I knew he would like and then gave him the difference in cash as that was what we had agreed.

I find it really sad that you do not know more about your own child. I would focus on investing time in your relationship so you DO know what to buy her. Poor girl.

I feel she seemed happy enough and grateful, I wouldn't worry. Taking her shopping in the sale at one point is a good idea. But maybe also just taking her out to something that isn't about gifts and money is a good idea. Take her to see a film perhaps, or whatever she enjoys, ice skating or something else. I think it's good if children realise early in that they don't always get exactly the same things, as long as they both generally feel loved, a small difference in presents shouldn't matter. Too much go Ian on presents in general at Christmas.

Focus not go Ian

You did fine. We bear too much responsibility as mums, keeping the family afloat financially, domestically and emotionally.

This happened to me one year, where I ended up with more for the younger one. I pulled the older one aside and said "Looking at the presents, I think you might have been a bit short-changed compared to dd2. Here's £50/£20 whatever to balance it off". She was over the moon. She'd far rather have the cash than my botched efforts at getting something. It sounds like you're on a strict budget, but if so, even a tenner might go down well.

Don't beat yourself up.

When I was that age my mum always got me fancy shampoo and conditioner and I LOVED it!

Sadly she probably feels you favour her sister 😞

Another fine example of MN leaping to conclusions 🙄

That’s what she gets for not believing in Santa. (Take her to the sales)

I bought too much for my second DD. I held some back for her birthday.

Also OMG some of the presents people mention on here! Crazy big. My DD 4 years old got two paw patrol dogs w the belonging vehicles, a single paw patrol dog, an Olaf from Frozen teddy, a v small Anna doll and a puzzle from us. Everything but the Olaf teddy was bought second hand. It's all we can afford, it was in pristine condition, she didn't notice or care that it wasn't wrapped in plastic, and was delighted and grateful. As she rightly should be. That is more than enough for a child who is already drowning in toys, like all children today are. Especially thinking about our planet disintegrating under our overconsumption, to be frank, that's what we should think of gifting our children: the understanding that they shouldn't want more than they need, that life isn't about the amount of material stuff you can accumulate, but about living gently and kindly. WELL DONE OP for bringing up a polite child who's grateful for what she is lucky enough to get.

London, your daughter is FOUR. Huge, huge difference.

I know, and I do worry how I'll handle pressure to give huge gifts when she gets older. The materialistic frenzy at Christmad really puts me off. Even when we had more money (I've recently become unemployed) I didn't get bigger presents.

That's why I think starting setting the bar low w regard to money spend early on is important. Thoughtful and cheaper presents Ian the way to go, in my eyes.

Seems like you've got things sorted now but I'd just like to add I got shampoo and conditioner for Christmas and we're not on a budget but it's something I wanted, needed and asked for. I have expensive taste when it comes to hair products (although not much else.)

Anyways sounds like you had a Christmas and you've raised a very humble kind teen.

*good add a good in.

I would have to agree that there's a lot more stuff to buy a 10yo than a 16yo. I would be so proud of her reaction though. You've obviously done a good job raising your dc. I find it easier to give the older one a few small gifts on Christmas day, then take her shopping after Christmas so she can choose exactly what she wants.

I would be semi-honest with your DD1 and not say you left it late etc but instead say you know her presents weren’t exactly inspiring but that you really weren’t sure what she would want as you are aware that she is a mini-adult now with her own opinions etc so you thought perhaps she would like to choose a few things in person on a shopping trip with you to bulk the gifts up a bit.

London, your daughter is FOUR. Huge, huge difference.
I don't have a 16 year old but I have been 16 myself, and I have a 12 year old. I was buying more when he was four. He's long outgrown toys and doesn't like 'stuff'. I would have been anxious myself if I were to receive some of the long lists of things mentioned on here, it can feel overwhelming.