Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

335 replies

Marg0tt · 25/12/2018 19:48

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

OP posts:
ChristmasFlary · 27/12/2018 19:40

My teens would have been gutted to have received those gifts OP but only you know truely how DD felt.

Mine do a list though which helps enormously!

Ps4 / switch games
Ps4 subscription
Ps4 gift card
Books from the series DS1 likes
Calender
Chocolate
Socks
Pj
Clothes from some people called Sidemen
Favourite cereal Grin
Clock
One off Driving lesson

It soon adds up though!

puppy23 · 27/12/2018 19:42

I loved the idea of a mother daughter sales shop for the two of you if you can afford it!

impossible · 27/12/2018 19:52

She sounds lovely and gracious which must be in some part credit to you. My dcs have always had modest Christmas gifts and been grateful for them. I'm not sure I would have chosen clothes for my 16yo but if you can afford a sale shop together I would take her - it would make her feel appreciated and be fun for both of you.

Imabadmummy · 27/12/2018 19:56

I feel where you are coming from OP. I have a 7 year old who only wanted 1 thing!
He got it, but i feel like anything else i got him was a bit under whelming - and at his age, I feel it should be lots of ohhhsss and ahhhssss.

I got some tickets for family activites which we gave him as well, but his brother will also enjoy them. Plus 2 are next week and the 3rd not until April (show tickets).

I had no idea what to get him - he didnt 'want' anything really, which is sweet as hes not a stuff kinda person, but i did feel a bit sad for him.

He bought some toys with money given from other people and a new computer game to play on my ds, which he loves, so suppose thats not too bad - although annoying as i nearly bought him a ds of his own but hes not that fussed for computer games - until he chose this lego one - typical.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 27/12/2018 20:00

She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up)

Yeah I would feel bad too if I bought my daughter shampoo and a whiteboard for Christmas ShockConfused while spending more on their sibling. Shampoo and a whiteboard pretty basic gifts that you would just buy anytime of year along with the clothes.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 27/12/2018 20:00

Why not take your older daughter out in the sales as a one to one with her and buy her something else, say you were saving some back for a shopping trip in the sales?

amusedbush · 27/12/2018 20:01

Honestly, I would expect those gifts to be given as extras alongside a chunk of cash or a ‘main’ present. I’d have been disappointed with that haul at your DD’s age too. I’m glad you’ve talked and sorted it all.

As for the shampoo, it’s not necessarily a strange gift. My aunt once bought me ‘Big’ shampoo from Lush for Christmas as it’s £15 for a fairly small tub. I love it but don’t often buy it for myself.

user1467718508 · 27/12/2018 20:13

Glad you got it sorted and all ended well, OP. Your daughter sounds very sweet and unmaterialistic. Such an admirable quality ⭐️

Cromercrab · 27/12/2018 20:21

Right. Well, we are generous parents throughout the year, and this year, our 17 year old wanted a ticket to a music festival (£270) for next summer, which went on sale in October, so he already had that. And a Burberry shirt from Depop (£95), which he saw a month ago, so he already had that. Plus gym membership, paid throughout next year. He already has, from previous years and this year's expenditure, laptop, iPhone, headphones, new trainers, nice clothes, fancy socks and pants, slippers, throws and cushions for bed and sofa, gym equipment. He was also given help to buy his girlfriend's present. AND we've bought a puppy, which we'll collect on NYE (obviously that is for the whole family, but you get the picture - money has been spent). So, yes, on Christmas morning he unwrapped a bottle of body wash, matching body spray and more body spray, a big bag of cashews, a bag of chocolate coins, and cinema vouchers. That was it.

He wants a PS4, (to replace his PS2, which he plays through the TV he received on his 13th birthday) but has to save up for that - he's received money from grandparents and uncle, and it will now be up to him to exercise some discipline and keep adding to that very good and generous start until he has enough.

I would like to buy him some clothes, but wouldn't dream of choosing for him and he hasn't stated anything he wants, apart from the Burberry shirt aforementioned. He used to be a bookworm, but the one book he read this year was on holiday - Portnoy's Complaint - so I can't buy books. And all his music is obscure stuff off SoundCloud.

user1467718508 · 27/12/2018 20:26

Also, just to chip in - shampoo isn't necessarily a cop out gift. Higher end ones can be £££, and definitely fall into the indulgence category.

I'm hooked on the litre bottles of Aveda shampoo. I'd have been thrilled to receive one of those as a present as a teen!

Supercala123 · 27/12/2018 20:45

My 16 year old loved her posh shampoo and clothes from her wish list for Christmas! I don’t think it’s ‘meh’ at all to buy these things. I can’t affird to buy the posh shampoo all the time and with 6 of us living here she doesn’t have to share it!
Don’t feel so bad! But going sales shopping will be really fun if you can stretch to that xx

Aragog · 27/12/2018 20:50

^smellies, makeup, voucher etc.
I have never seen a 16 year old wearing a jumper. Hoodies yes, a jumper? She's not 56!^

Most of the 15-17 year old girls I know wear jumpers. They wear hoodies too but also a variety of jumpers.

We bought one as part of DD's Christmas gifts - one she'd highlighted herself on her wish list. Her friends all like it too.

Strange to think 16y don't wear jumpers in my experience!

AGHHHH · 27/12/2018 20:51

Shampoo can definitely be a valid present. As long as it's not a cheap one. Cheap shampoo is not a present.

brownmouse · 27/12/2018 20:59

May be worth a gift card for wherever she goes with her friends eg Starbucks etc in future?

By the she sounds like a lovely young woman. Well done. Glad you had time to sit and watch films with her. 16 year olds can be lovely. :)

Mumofferalboys · 27/12/2018 21:11

Honestly gobsmacked reading through some of these comments. Can’t believe how materialistic the world has become. The huge numbers of kids around the world that would be greatful for fresh water and something to eat and people are saying what you bought your 16 year old isn’t good enough. It just makes me feel sad. It’s not the kids fault either, it’s parents putting pressure on ourselves to give our kids more and more. It’s getting out of hand. Let’s teach our kids to appreciate the things that money can’t buy and stop teaching them that they need material things to be happy.

Dotty1970 · 27/12/2018 21:23

Cromercrab

Right. Well, we are generous parents throughout the year, and this year, our 17 year old wanted a ticket to a music festival (£270) for next summer, which went on sale in October, so he already had that. And a Burberry shirt from Depop (£95), which he saw a month ago, so he already had that. Plus gym membership, paid throughout next year. He already has, from previous years and this year's expenditure, laptop, iPhone, headphones, new trainers, nice clothes, fancy socks and pants, slippers, throws and cushions for bed and sofa, gym equipment. He was also given help to buy his girlfriend's present. AND we've bought a puppy, which we'll collect on NYE (obviously that is for the whole family, but you get the picture - money has been spent). So, yes, on Christmas morning he unwrapped a bottle of body wash, matching body spray and more body spray, a big bag of cashews, a bag of chocolate coins, and cinema vouchers. That was it.
He wants a PS4, (to replace his PS2, which he plays through the TV he received on his 13th birthday) but has to save up for that - he's received money from grandparents and uncle, and it will now be up to him to exercise some discipline and keep adding to that very good and generous start until he has enough.

I would like to buy him some clothes, but wouldn't dream of choosing for him and he hasn't stated anything he wants, apart from the Burberry shirt aforementioned. He used to be a bookworm, but the one book he read this year was on holiday - Portnoy's Complaint - so I can't buy books. And all his music is obscure stuff off SoundCloud.

spoilt brat alert

cheval · 27/12/2018 21:36

Oh for goodness sake. People criticising what you’ve bought. Sounds fine to me. It’s a good array. And more about spending time together.

Cromercrab · 27/12/2018 21:44

Ah, Dotty, so quick to rush to judgment, you sound rather spiteful. No, he's a very nice lad, good manners, works at school and cafe job, babysitting when he can get it. Has always had to save for things out of his allowance. But, we have a decent income,(not as flush as many of his peers' parents) and we choose to share it with him (although he still gets less than many of his peers.) But this Christmas, because we'd shared in advance, his gifts on the day were rather meagre.

Do your kids get more than the poorest children in your community? Does that make them spoilt? Or do they get less than the richest? And does that make them deprived and envious?

You stupid person.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/12/2018 21:49

I'd just like to add that my mum used to buy me Q-tips and cotton wool balls every year, usually for my Christmas stocking. I was a bit Hmm at the time but you know what, I missed it when she didn't and I ran out! Had to go and buy my own! (Which of course I was well able to do, I just hadn't had to before, because Mum had bought them for me)

I think shampoo is a perfectly valid present, especially if it's one your DD likes.

BettyBooper · 27/12/2018 22:00

Cromercrab - your post was a blatent brag. Own it.

DistanceCall · 27/12/2018 22:17

Cash. Seriously. Next time just give her cash.

Cromercrab · 27/12/2018 22:17

Daft post, Betty. Not a brag. Our presents on the day were rubbish, by the standards of this thread, as well as our own, and I was a bit shamefaced about the lack of ceremony and abundance, which is what Christmas is about for many. But the fact is, we'd spent the budget over the previous 3 months, and that's that, there was no more in the kitty.

Anyway, OP, I know what it feels like to think that the gifts on the day didn't go so well and I hope you and your daughter have a lovely time together.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 27/12/2018 22:19

I used to get cotton wool pads in my stocking too! They seemed so expensive to buy!

Cromer, it really feels like you were angling for a specific response with that very lengthy and detailed post. Bit odd.

Babyg1995 · 27/12/2018 22:23

Shampoo and a whiteboard ConfusedConfused

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 27/12/2018 22:32

dotty1970
Spending money on your children doesn’t make them spoiled brats ffs. It’s the way you bring them up that matters. What an ignorant comment.

Swipe left for the next trending thread