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Original poster

Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

254 replies

Pawprintjoy · 25/12/2018 12:51

Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

OP posts:
Aridane · 27/12/2018 19:05

i had something similar with my gorgeous son . all his life hes never asked for anything although he can have what he wants within our means obviously . he is 18 works part time and goes to uni . we gave him his gifts and he was made up with them , later in the day my daughter said he had put 400 pound in my bank as he didnt want us wasting our money on him .

My DM would be offended to the core if I pulled that stunt!!

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 27/12/2018 19:06

Just read backwards up the thread - you bought her a Desktop, not a laptop?

What the actual eff?

Do you even listen to your child?

beerandchocolate · 27/12/2018 19:20

As others have said, maybe she wants to be heard? I was immensely upset when my dad bought me chocolate for my birthday (a large double tray box) when I had repeatedly told him I didn't want them.

Being ignored is very painful. It says clearly that you aren't worth listening to.

IceRebel · 27/12/2018 19:21

the reason she accepted the iMac because otherwise I was gonna keep it for myself

You said you would take away her present, not offering to take it back and swap it for what she wanted, but to have for yourself. Hmm

Meadowflowers · 27/12/2018 19:24

Awwww bless her!!!! I wish my dc were as aware of the value of money. Sounds like she just hasn't mastered how to express herself diplomatically yet. A bit like my 17yo dd. Let it sink in and she'll be over the moon.

greenpop21 · 27/12/2018 19:29

You spent over £1000 on her Christmas present? Wow.

Enthymeme · 27/12/2018 19:29

What an incredibly sensible girl. Wonder where she got it from.

greenpop21 · 27/12/2018 19:32

My DD bought a Macbook, after she worked and saved up aged 17. We said we'd buy her a laptop but wouldn't spend more than £200. We ended up giving her £200 towards the Macbook she wanted. She also wants to go to Reading but at over £250, she will be funding that herself.

Kathygnome · 27/12/2018 19:32

There's also a lot of social stuff with the difference between a desktop and a laptop. Having your own laptop is a sign of independence for young people. It's a very personal device. I can't think of a teen or twenty-something that doesn't have stickers or a funky colored vinyl or something. It's their hub of communication and entertainment. Desktops are for Olds. Sharing a computer is for children. Most kids would rather have a cheapo Chromebook or use their phone rather than use The Family Desktop.

Serialweightwatcher · 27/12/2018 19:33

It probably made her uncomfortable because you've been struggling and then present her with a stupidly expensive gift - buy her the bloody laptop anyway because that's what she wanted and try to be more careful with your money because you'll end up in the same position again Hmm

adaline · 27/12/2018 20:02

So you didn't even get her a laptop?

Do you even listen to what she wants at all?

Ohheyyy · 27/12/2018 20:05

I hate Macs misses point of thread

BeatriceBee · 27/12/2018 20:07

Sounds like she is overwhelmed with the pressure and responsibility owning such an expensive item will put on her and I can understand that. Perhaps you could assure her that you have insured the laptop, so it won't be a problem if something happens to it and tell her that you bought because you love her and you wanted her to have something really nice. She sounds like a good kid to me.

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 27/12/2018 20:08

I “look forward” to this reaction every year. My two adopted children don’t believe they’re worthy of gifts and Christmas morning is spent reassuring them. We don’t spend a fortune, we manage their expectations as much as we can but they do deserve to be children and enjoy what we can give them. It’s a long adulthood with budgets, debts, etc. Your DD is reacting to her self confidence rather than the gift.

Tweety1981 · 27/12/2018 20:08

Do her friends at school get expensive presents ... is she getting bullied ?

impossible · 27/12/2018 20:09

Your dd sounds very thoughtful. I can fully understand why she's uncomfortable about the gift. She may also be disappointed at getting a desktop rather than a laptop.

We have very little extra cash so when dd (18) asked for a mac laptop we agreed to look for something 2nd hand for her bday and Christmas combined. We found one for £400 - not the latest obviously but in excellent condition with one owner. She is delighted, though was at first a little uncomfortable about us spending this much. I think if your dd has seen you struggling she is bound to feel awful and not getting what she asked for must add to her confusion.

impossible · 27/12/2018 20:12

Gilld69 - your son sounds lovely and I can imagine something similar from my dcs. I think there's no joy for dcs in receiving expensive gifts if they know the family is over stretching to afford them.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 27/12/2018 20:16

She’s not being ungrateful at all. She is overwhelmed and probably feels guilty over the money you’ve spent on her.

Thewifipasswordis · 27/12/2018 20:18

Why didn't you just get her a Chromebook and an office 365 subscription?

Iseveryusernametaken · 27/12/2018 20:33

So, if stbxdh recently moved out, who is we? It sounds like you have only recently started a new job and therefore have very little protection if it doesn't work out. Who will be responsible for the debt if you find yourself out of work again?

Your daughter sounds like a great credit to you btw.

ILiveForNachos · 27/12/2018 20:33

Reads original post, decides OP has totally not listened to what her daughter wants. Reads whole thread and decides OP is not listening to anyone. Wonders why OP bothers to ask people what they want or think at all as she doesn’t listen

ILiveForNachos · 27/12/2018 20:34

I didn’t mean to bold that Confused

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/12/2018 20:37

Maybe she’s embarrassed about having a flash laptop and like most teenage girls, just wanted the same as all her mates, a 200 quid laptop.

IceRebel · 27/12/2018 20:39

Maybe she’s embarrassed about having a flash laptop

She doesn't have a laptop, OP has brought her a desktop.

homegrownmumma · 27/12/2018 20:45

Oh bless her , sounds like you've brought her up very well