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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

254 replies

Pawprintjoy · 25/12/2018 12:51

Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

OP posts:
HopeHopity · 26/12/2018 08:31

@OhFlipMama exactly 🤦🏻‍♀️

OhFlipMama · 26/12/2018 08:31

@HopeHopity I have seen that now! I thought the op had written MacBook which is a laptop. Yikes.

HopeHopity · 26/12/2018 08:32

And now it is all ok because DD is "happy" with it 😫
How frustrating.

FlamingJuno · 26/12/2018 08:32

I'm struggling to understand what's happening here. The DD wanted a laptop for school (presumably of any brand) because up till now she's been using an old, slow desktop. She also wants a laptop so she can lie about in bed / on sofa etc while browsing or working. The OP is short of money to the point where she has recently been unable to pay the rent. DD isn't actually in school atm for some unspecified reason. Her other gift was festival tickets.
OP didn't get the laptop and hasn't explained why, she expect the DD to use the family laptop for school and has burned a large sum of money to no good purpose. No wonder DD is upset.
You've been a twit OP and you need to put this right.

seven201 · 26/12/2018 08:33

You should swap it for a laptop.

AfterSchoolWorry · 26/12/2018 08:38

I think she's annoyed she got a desktop too, when she wasted a laptop. She's probably irritated but trying to cover it.

I'd bring it back and change it OP.

MsTSwift · 26/12/2018 08:39

Oh and dd is not “happy” with it she sounds like a lovely girl who is trying to save your feelings and make the best of a bad job. Her first reaction was a strong one and is how she really feels. Now she’s still scrabbling round for lap tops and you have yourselves an expensive white elephant you can ill afford Epic parenting and money management fail all round. Why didn’t you listen to her - so high handed.

MissWilmottsGhost · 26/12/2018 08:54

My heart sinks when I read this thread. Your DD is parenting you

^this

Oh and dd is not “happy” with it she sounds like a lovely girl who is trying to save your feelings and make the best of a bad job

^and this

She is feeling bad because she was ungrateful about something she didn't want, and is now pretending it is fine to keep the peace.

Roussette · 26/12/2018 09:02

Why in god's name spend so much on something (just because of the name TBH) when you can't afford it? Madness.

I wouldn't dream of spending that much on a DC even if we could comfortably afford to (and we can). It's a big birthday coming up for one of the DCs. I have spent £295. That is more than I've spent on any birthday for any of them and she is beyond delighted with what she is getting.

Why do people stretch themselves so much..... payment plans and all of that? It's beyond me.

The MacBook and festival tickets are probably more than £1,500, maybe £2,000. Why just why??

DreamOnandOnRon · 26/12/2018 09:11

I think you don’t listen OP. To anyone.

She wanted a laptop (MacBook or iMac)

You got her a desktop which was a) too expensive b) not a laptop.

Now she still needs a laptop to take to school (my dd is a teen, not yet in 6th form) and occasionally she takes her laptop to school for study. In the 6th form I expect it will be a regular thing.

She is trying to reassure you but stop her. Be the parent here, reassure her that you are not offended in the least but explain that it is such a lot of money that you really would prefer for her to say EXACTLY what she wants - which I suspect will be a MacBook (Apple laptop) which is best of both worlds - great tech which is compatible with her phone but portable.

OP do please do this before it’s open and being used.

DreamOnandOnRon · 26/12/2018 09:12

She wanted a laptop (MacBook or PC) that should say..

Ellisandra · 26/12/2018 09:17

The OP was always going to come back and say her daughter was now happy Hmm

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2018 09:30

It's exactly as everyone's said then.

You are out of pocket. Signed up to a payment plan. Flashy new computer but she still needs a lap top and will have to borrow yours.

Wtf was the point.

donquixotedelamancha · 26/12/2018 10:23

spent a few months recently £400 in debt with rent

she’s had iPhones since she started secondary school
It’s on a monthly payment plan
we’ll get a cheap laptop if necessary in the future
payment plan meant we could afford to book a nice holiday for the summer

Punto1 · 26/12/2018 10:29

Some people really haven't got a clue have they. Then again, it beats what another 16 year old got on another thread I'm on.

Ta1kinpeace · 26/12/2018 11:02

OP
YABU
Your daughter wanted a cheap laptop
you bought her an expensive desktop on finance

so you DID NOT LISTEN TO HER
poor kid

Holidayshopping · 26/12/2018 11:05

So she’s been worried you were behind with the rent and now you buy her an expensive MacBook on finance?

She sounds like a sensible girl.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/12/2018 11:22

You’re off your head, OP. Rent arrears but buying Mac computers and booking holidays? No wonder your poor daughter is upset. Poor girl shouldn’t have to worry like this. Christmas is just one day and I get that you want to treat her, but surely listening to her, getting her what she wants, and most off all, building up savings so you are all secure is more important.

Slothslothsloth · 26/12/2018 11:25

OP you sound really out of touch and like you don’t understand the significant differences between a laptop and a desktop. Very few teens are really going to want a desktop, unless for running very specific games. And she REQUESTED a laptop. Listen to her. If you really wanted to spend loads of money on her you should have got the MacBook. Although you didn’t need to spend so much at all.

Slothslothsloth · 26/12/2018 11:26

Holidayshopping it isn’t even a laptop, it’s a desktop! Crazy.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/12/2018 11:49

OP she has cheered up and put a brave face on to protect your feelings.

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 26/12/2018 16:04

Rent was when I was unemployed and on job seekers, money that was meant to go to the landlord didn’t therefore we had to save to pay him back but now I am in work it’s all paid off and we can live comfortably

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 26/12/2018 16:09

Have you told her that

There seems to be a lot of change in her life (and she has been out of school since March) she needs reassurance that everything is ok. She is 16 and clearly there has been upheaval recently talk to her

TalkinPeace · 26/12/2018 16:20

Pawprint
The key point is that you bought her something that is not fit for purpose as her requested gift.
the whole point of a laptop is that it locks onto the wifi and printers at college / the library / university / workplaces
a desktop will never fulfil that niche

you still owe her the gift she asked for

and if you can live comfortably
why did you have to put a gift on finance ?

NEVER get into debt you do not need

XXcstatic · 26/12/2018 16:21

Your poor DD. She knows you can't afford the Mac; she tried to stop you buying it. You ignored her, so now she has to swallow her anxiety and pretend to be pleased.

No one who is only just out of debt should be buying a Mac for someone who has said she doesn't want one.