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Original poster

Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

254 replies

Pawprintjoy · 25/12/2018 12:51

Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 26/12/2018 16:24

We have spoken about it and it’s the reason she accepted the iMac because otherwise I was gonna keep it for myself for work and just get her a laptop or whatever she wanted instead. She’s now happy with it after realising that we could afford it and the amount of money spent was due to the fact that her birthday is so close to Christmas that we agreed with her she would get small presents so she had something to open then and main presents along with Christmas presents. After our conversation she was the one who brought it upstairs and was quite pleased about the fact she could do the same things on it her mates could do on theirs. We budget for things like this and a lot of change happened for her in the past year (moving to a new town from the city, starting a new school, leaving the school and moving to a bigger house in the same town) so we’re working on getting settled down here and knowing my dd I knew how much she had wanted one but also knew she never thought we’d ever be in a position to get her one. The want for the IMac isn’t recent, she’s been obsessed with them for the past 2 years so we thought now we’re in a position where we can we might aswell treat her to something she’s wanted for ages

OP posts:
TalkinPeace · 26/12/2018 16:34

So when does she get the laptop she asked for?

What does the size of your house have to do with the fact that you did not listen to her?

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 26/12/2018 16:34

Of course shes accepted it if thebother option is you keeping it and Spending MORE soemthing for her. You reallky do have budgetting issues.

Have you genuinely told her you cam take it back and get a laptop instead and not spend any more?! And get what she wanted?!

Poor girl.

TalkinPeace · 26/12/2018 16:35

now we’re in a position where we can we might as well treat her to something she’s wanted for ages
Sorry, do not believe you
otherwise why did you not buy the machine outright?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/12/2018 16:37

now we’re in a position where we can we might as well treat her to something she’s wanted for ages

You are presumably on a probation period with this new job. A few months back you were in rent arrears. You have bought this on finance because otherwise you couldn’t afford a holiday you wanted.

It really, really doesn’t sound like you are in a financially stable position.

mbosnz · 26/12/2018 17:09

This is so funny - we had a fairly similar reaction from our 15 year old DD who needed a new laptop, asked for a new laptop for Christmas, and got one! (Turned out she asked very tongue in cheek, never expecting it).

She raved about it today, and yes, she was totally overwhelmed.

I think it's an age where they start being aware of money, and cost, expense and value - and also feeling like they should be making their own. . .

BollockingBaubles · 26/12/2018 17:29

I dunno, I kind of think you can't afford it or you'd have paid outright rather than go in debt for it, if you genuinely did have the cash to pay outright rather than go into debt for gift to keep the money for a holiday, it might have been wiser to put that extra cash away in case you find yourself in the same boat with using rent money on living essentials while benefits get sorted you'd at least have enough put away for a few months rent til you got back on feet.

My iMac cost the same as four months rent. Not having a dig but it sounds like you can't afford it. You could have gotten a decent laptop and have enough to put away to cover at least one months rent.

Breakfastofmilk · 26/12/2018 18:02

so we thought now we’re in a position where we can we might aswell treat her to something she’s wanted for ages

But you aren't in a position where you can treat her. You literally spent money you don't have (finance) because you're spending every penny you have every month. Which is presumably how the rent problem happened, the money didn't go to the landlord and instead of noticing you had an extra £400 that month you just spent it all and ended up in deep trouble.

What happens if your boiler breaks down or your car? Why are you choosing to live with no safety net and set that as an example for your daughter?

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 26/12/2018 18:54

We don’t drive, boiler has just been replaced by landlord after it broke. We don’t spend all our money as it comes it was just due to benefits not going to landlord when we had payed the amount we were meant to to him so therefore owed him money. We have a savings account now with enough in it to cover emergencies and anything unexpected. Money issues happened because STBXDH moved out and we didn’t have his income to fall back on when things didn’t work out. That’s all sorted now and we can live comfortably but planning a holiday to see family came before presents and we had to make it so we could pay both at the same time. Why I got it on finance when I had the money to pay it in full is not relevant.

mbosnz Grin I don’t think people realise she is the same way as your dd was today. She really is delighted with it now but she just wasn’t expecting it

OP posts:
TalkinPeace · 26/12/2018 19:12

Pawprint
When will you buy your daughter the laptop she asked for?

BollockingBaubles · 26/12/2018 19:35

But you said earlier that you

When you say money didn't go to landlord do you mean housing benefit was paid to you and you spent it while waiting for other benefit payments or that the housing benefit wasn't paid at all. If the latter and you have the award saying that x amount will be paid and the landlord can show it wasn't then that can be claimed.

You said earlier that you didn't buy the Mac with cash because you wanted to use that money on a holiday instead, but now your saying you've gone from having to save money to catch up on rent debt, to having enough disposable income to pay for a holiday, a very expensive computer and enough in savings to cover rent and other stuff should you end up having to claim benefits again? But still chose to go into debt for the computer? It makes no sense esp if you've gotten it on credit from places where you pay well over the value of the item over several years.

My sister almost got a Tv on credit a few years ago, TV cost something like £500 in Currys but paying weekly on credit it was going to be over £1,500. She planned to go without and save for a second hand one but brother gave her his old one.

NeverTwerkNaked · 27/12/2018 07:11

Op I really think you need some financial education. It’s astoning you have taken out finance for this so soon after experiencing battling rent arrears. I know you have told your daughter you can afford it and she is happy for now, but please be more honest with yourself and start teaching yourself better discipline and financial planning.

Also, affordability aside, I would be furious if someone bought me a desktop when I wanted a laptop!

Tistheseason17 · 27/12/2018 17:52

Your daughter sounds lovely and sensible

EdWinchester · 27/12/2018 17:53

Mine are the polar opposite and turn their noses up at anything less than a MacBook 😂

That is probably my influence though, as I love mine.

And what teen asks for a ‘cheap’ anything? 🤔

RoboticSealpup · 27/12/2018 18:01

what teen asks for a ‘cheap’ anything?

One who's just experienced her family having financial difficulties, as the OPs DD has?

EdWinchester · 27/12/2018 18:02

Yes. After I posted, I saw the ops update!

GimmeGimmeHellYeah · 27/12/2018 18:02

Totally offtopic - but is there a reason your 16 year old's friend wasn't with their own family on Christmas?

I wonder if there's a link there..

winniestone37 · 27/12/2018 18:03

She's being very very sweet and overwhelmed. Talk to her about lap top covers and insurance.

user1486076969 · 27/12/2018 18:31

I feel for her. My DH bought me an iphone for Christmas, I didn't ask for it and was very happy with my android phone (and Google Drive etc) which works just fine. I do have a MacBook from a previous job so appreciate its' aesthetics etc but I only use it to access non apple Apps (gmail, Drive etc). I feel uncomfortable knowing how much it cost Confused.

a1poshpaws · 27/12/2018 18:38

What Ellisandra said.

Kathygnome · 27/12/2018 18:45

I feel so bad for this girl. She's living in a financially precarious situation and you bought yourself this really expensive computer that you can't afford, then put the psychological burden on her by claiming it was a present. Well, if it's a present, then it's hers and if she wants a laptop, she can return it and get one. Right? But that's clearly not on the table is it? Because it's your computer, not hers. The only option offered is for her to take responsibility for further putting the family into debt if she wants a laptop, which she has sensibly declined.

Slothslothsloth · 27/12/2018 18:48

winniestone she does not need a laptop cover, as the computer the OP has bought her is a desktop. Yes, that’s right, a massively expensive, totally unfit for purpose desktop.

Gilld69 · 27/12/2018 18:48

i had something similar with my gorgeous son . all his life hes never asked for anything although he can have what he wants within our means obviously . he is 18 works part time and goes to uni . we gave him his gifts and he was made up with them , later in the day my daughter said he had put 400 pound in my bank as he didnt want us wasting our money on him . i sent it straight back gave him a big hug and said thanks but its our pleasure to give you the gifts . lovely to have such unselfish kids when so many expect the world x

ToastyFingers · 27/12/2018 19:01

It gets worse and worse. Your income is low enough to claim housing benefit and yet you're taking out credit for unnecessary stuff.

My parents pulled this sort of shit when I was growing up and I lived in a constant state of worry till I left home.

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 27/12/2018 19:01

She specifically told you that she didn’t want it, and yet you bought it anyway. Your gift was all about you and not about her

This is whatI think, too.

She asked for a particular laptop. She knew exactly what she wanted and (doubtless was looking forward to it, and picturing herself using it etc).

YOU decided that you would buy her a "better" one - one she didn't want, didn't choose, and is now stuck with. To you, it's "better" - to her, it means that you've taken no notice of what she has asked for, and imposed your own opinion on her.

And as a Mac user, I can tell you that the programs that come with Mac (pages, numbers, keynote etc) aren't NEARLY as good, or as easy to use, as Word equivalents.* You can get Word for Macs but it is quite expensive.

*And often they won't communicate with other computers which use word, so she will have difficulty sharing notes, etc with her friends if she wants to. Or if she submits work electronically, it could cause formatting problems there, too.

See if you can return it and get a different one (unless you bought it at the apple shop - that will make it harder).

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