Page 8 | To think 12 is a bit too old to beleive in father Christmas?

nickiredcar · 2018-12-25T08:27:23+00:00

We were playing a game of guess the person and "are they real?" Was something asked. End of the story I got an angry text from SIL about saying to my 12 year old neice as part of a game that father Christmas isnt real. She's going on about "taking her innocence" that they want to keep for as long as possible [hmm] I know it's their parenting choice, but does anyone elses 12 year olds still believe in it?

Fresta · 27/12/2018 10:24

If all children who'd believed in FC equated him with Jesus then there would be no Christianity. Their faith must be pretty weak if finding out Santa was made up made led them also to believe God/Jesus was- you might need to take a look at your own beliefs if this is what you fear.

I honestly can't believe that there are many people who actually believe that bread and wine turn into the actual body and blood of Jesus. For most it is just symbolism.

I think some adults lack critical thinking skills-no wonder the kids are still daft enough at 12/13 to think that their presents arrive by magic, by a man in a red suit, on a sleigh, pulled by reindeers that can fly! They must also be pretty socially inept if they haven't joined in discussions about it with other kids, picked up clues from what adults say, picked up hints from TV, etc. by the time they are 12. Or maybe it's the adults that are blind to the fact their children are playing the game?

starcrossedseahorse · 27/12/2018 11:21

I think some adults lack critical thinking skills-no wonder the kids are still daft enough at 12/13 to think that their presents arrive by magic, by a man in a red suit, on a sleigh, pulled by reindeers that can fly! They must also be pretty socially inept if they haven't joined in discussions about it with other kids, picked up clues from what adults say, picked up hints from TV, etc. by the time they are 12. Or maybe it's the adults that are blind to the fact their children are playing the game?

This with baubles on.

Philomensapie · 27/12/2018 11:29

DSis certainly wasn't playing the game, or she wouldn't have made a tit of herself in front of her friends.

SuperSuperSuper · 27/12/2018 11:31

I agree with the "critical thinking" comments. If a neurotypical 12 yo genuinely believes in FC, it's pretty worrying.

I love the FC myth, but let's face it, it is very outlandish!

JudasPrudy · 27/12/2018 11:33

Yes it is too old. When children start high school the very naive and childish ones are not likely to become popular.

Jeanclaudejackety · 27/12/2018 11:43

My cousin still believed in father Christmas and the Easter bunny by year 8
It was exhausting as being the same age I had to sort of talk to her like a much younger child. It might have been lovely for her parents but to her peers it was just hassle

Jeanclaudejackety · 27/12/2018 11:48

Agree with the innocence /purity thing. It's icky. I have a friend who is delaying the birds and bees thing for as long as poss as she thinks it will make her son 'not innocent'.. No he'll be a 10yo child who knows how biology works. Letting him think babies are delivered by the baby fairy is not maintaining his innocence and improving his childhood. Similar to a friend's dd who started her periods at 9 in Yr 5. She uses language when talking about it as if the fact is a dirty secret, her dd is now in some way a grown woman who's personality needs to change. It's grim.

NameChangeNugget · 27/12/2018 11:48

I think it’s cruel. They’re going to look like an utter melt at school when they find out

Crudd · 27/12/2018 12:04

I agree re. critical thinking skills, particularly because it's so easy today for kids to google about Santa and get a definitive answer within minutes. It can definitely be fun to keep the Santa game going well beyond actual belief ceasing but, if I thought my 10 or 11 year old still believed, I'd probably find a way to let them know (probably by leaving clues for them to work it out by themselves, rather than a sit down talk).

Weightsandmeasures · 27/12/2018 14:38

Critical reasoning skills? I wouldn't be surprised if the young lady goes on to university and does just as well in life as her non-believing peers.

If her teachers are not concerned about her academically then neither should the OP or anyone else. I expect that all the non-believing kids her age are excelling at school, especially with critical reasoning skills (very important for English reading and comprehension and also Maths).

Before stones are cast at this young lass' reasoning skill, it might be worth looking at yourself and those around you first.

abacucat · 27/12/2018 14:47

I think there is a big difference between the type of reasoning skills needed for academic work, and the type needed not to be gullible.

Weightsandmeasures · 27/12/2018 15:02

Abacucat, really? The critical reasoning skills being described here is the power of deduction and piecing clues, etc together to form a defensible view of things.

Who isn't gullible? Everyone has their blind spots and can be fooled. Is there no one on here who has not been tricked or haven't thought something was pretty obvious but only after the situation has been explained to them?

I'm sure there are many people criticising this girl who hold a belief or views that are illogical or does not accord with reality. For instance, many have views about foreigners or they stereotype people from different backgrounds. If their critical reasoning skills are far superior to this young girl, then they wouldn't hold some of the beliefs the hold.

This young girl wants to keep the fantasy for a bit longer. Let her be and stop worrying about her. Her mum and presumably her school are not worried.

poppoppop100 · 27/12/2018 15:16

Many adults believe in God, and in other cultures in black magic , voodoo and the like .
Scientists believe in quantum physics phenomena which defy all critical thinking

Confusedbeetle · 27/12/2018 15:20

Mad isnt it? Why do we lie to children with such a huge whopper? Very young children can accept, "there is a story that many people believe is true" and I would include a lot of religious stories in this. Accepting and tolerating beliefs in others is a very important message for children to learn

abacucat · 27/12/2018 15:24

weights People can be gullible for different reasons. A common one is a failure to question an authority figure. I suspect that is what is happening when older children still believe. Their mum/dad told them, so it must be right.
It is not good for children to be brought up not to question what they are told.

Weightsandmeasures · 27/12/2018 16:09

Abacucat, I don't share your view on why this young girl still believes in Santa. I don't think it is because of a fear of challenging an authority figure. It sounds like some of the authority figures around her are actively telling her he does not exist. Her mum seems to be playing along but I didn't get the sense that the mum is actively getting her to believe in Santa.

I suspect this is an active choice by this child. She wants to hang on just a little while longer to the belief. I think deep down she knows he doesn't exist but for her accepting it must be hard and sad. It's the ending of an era in her life. Sometimes we do this as adults. We want to hold on as long as possible to certain times in our lives. For instance, some parents want to hang on as long as possible to their children. Even when the children are clearly independent, the parents want to hold on to them as their babies/still their child.

The criticism of this young girl is unfair. Let her say goodbye to that part of her childhood in her own time.

abacucat · 27/12/2018 16:14

I didn't say it was because of fear. Some kids are brought up to think if their parent says something, that that is always right. Their parent could never be wrong.
And it was other children that the girl was saying were wrong. They are not authority figures.
Of course I might be wrong, none of us actually know this girl. But I have seen this happen before.

puzzledlady · 27/12/2018 16:22

I think its not your placed to tell your niece that santa isn't real. YABU.

OpiningGambit · 27/12/2018 16:29

I agree oak. There comes a point when it's no longer about something a bit fun for the child and it's all about the adult's emotional needs and them not being ready to accept their child isn't a little one any more.

WORD. And really, I would be a bit worried about a 12 year old who is getting into arguments about it!

But then I knew someone at university who believed she had seen a unicorn in the zoo.

Weightsandmeasures · 27/12/2018 16:37

Abacucat, from what I read, the OP is the girl's aunt. She for all intents and purposes told her neice Santa does not exist. The mum got upset about it because her daughter was upset. This business about the girl getting in fights with school friends about it is a rumour and sounds like a rumour. Getting into fights?

In any case, I would assume the aunt is an adult in this girl's life and so an authority figure.

Iusedtobecarmen · 27/12/2018 23:54

Is this thread for real?critical reasoning skills?we are still talking about primary age or very early secondary age kids right.
My dc 1 believed to end of primary/start of secondary and is completely normal and now at uni

I've kept the magic going not by lyingas some posters think parents do.
But just by casually answering their questions about Santa. Yea hes real. I believe. Some people and some don't
No big convo.

Just like God
. Yea I believe
Lots don't.
How many believers preach in our town centres telling us there definitely is a God and we must live our life a certain way and treat non believers a certain way.

Yes I keep santa going in my house for 11 or 12 years. Im sure they will grow up just fine and have another 80 years of knowing he's not real.amd not be traumatised by it
Why break the magic when you dont have to?

sj257 · 28/12/2018 00:08

I told my DD in the summer holidays before she started secondary school. I wouldn’t have wanted her to get the mick taken for believing, also didn’t want to tell her in the run up to Christmas and risk spoiling it completely.

poppoppop100 · 28/12/2018 05:11

Surveys show on average children stop believing at about 6 or 7, but parents on average report belief going on for another 2 or 3 years.

Lofari · 28/12/2018 05:24

Depends on the child I think. My son knew at 9, he sort of figured it out and then asked us directly. But he's been a champion at keeping up the pretence for his younger sister. She still makes him put his teeth under the pillow too for the tooth fairy.
I wouldn't have wanted him to still believe going into secondary though. I think sadly that's just asking for them to be taken the piss out of

SenecaFalls · 28/12/2018 14:20

Is this thread for real?critical reasoning skills?we are still talking about primary age or very early secondary age kids right.

Are you suggesting that schools are not or should not be teaching critical reasoning skills at these ages? My children's schools certainly did and we reinforced it at home.