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Original poster

To think 12 is a bit too old to beleive in father Christmas?

200 replies

nickiredcar · 25/12/2018 08:27

We were playing a game of guess the person and "are they real?" Was something asked. End of the story I got an angry text from SIL about saying to my 12 year old neice as part of a game that father Christmas isnt real. She's going on about "taking her innocence" that they want to keep for as long as possible Hmm

I know it's their parenting choice, but does anyone elses 12 year olds still believe in it?

OP posts:
Pinkblanket · 26/12/2018 16:51

I don't see why Christmas isn't magical just because you don't believe in father Christmas.

drspouse · 26/12/2018 16:56

We do other pretend things, like the Wise Men travelling round the house before 12th Night, that are specific to our family, and the DCs know these are not real, it's the whole of society pretending Father Christmas is real that makes children think he is till an older age.

Saracen · 26/12/2018 17:14

Toga, I have a child like that. It fascinates me that her way of thinking is so different from mine wnd most other people's. It isn't so much that she believes in Santa. I'd say it's more that in some aspects of her life she sees no need to distinguish between fantasy and reality. It isn't a subject which preoccupies her.

I bet if I asked very probingly to consider the question, she would think it through and acknowledge he isn't real. She does have those logical skills, and enough experience of the world, to reach that conclusion. A few weeks later she would again behave as if he is real.

With her it isn't a game or a pretence or humouring her parents. It's a worldview. Perhaps it is a kind of faith. There is no risk she will lose it through having it questioned, any more than religious people lose their faith when logical inconsistencies are pointed out to them.

Pompombears2 · 26/12/2018 17:21

I'm 40! My mother insists I still believe (Hmm). I've not believed since around age 7! I think parents are sometimes incredibly naive and just will their kids to stay younger than they are! At 12 it's safe to assume they know he isn't real (Shock)!! You have done no wrong in my opinion OP! And I doubt v much the 12 yr old still believed!! Just appeasing her parents I assume ... (which you'd want to do by the sounds of it!)

Munchmallow · 26/12/2018 17:28

My daughter's teacher told her class when she was seven! She (and her siblings) worked it out themselves and knew for sure from the age of about five.

Surely no NT twelve year old still believes in Santa? Xmas Confused

kmc1111 · 26/12/2018 17:31

What is this weird obsession with keeping children ‘innocent’? It’s such weird language to use, as it strongly implies that believing keeps you pure and knowing the truth taints you. Which is an absolutely twisted way to think about it.

They’re children, they’re ‘innocent’ whether they believe in Santa or not.

starcrossedseahorse · 26/12/2018 17:37

Quite agree kmc.

Cachailleacha · 26/12/2018 17:49

I agree too kmc. My child never believed in Santa, he was still as 'innocent' as any child who believed.

Topseyt · 26/12/2018 18:27

I can never believe the knots some people tie themselves up in over this.

I never gave a shit whether mine believed in Santa or not, though I know they did for a few years. I never bothered with any serious conversations about it either.

I highly doubt that many secondary school children still believe in Santa. Sure, there may be a few exceptions there, but in general they have worked it out for themselves and are just playing along with it as a bit of fun in the lead up to Christmas.

Philomensapie · 26/12/2018 18:45

starcrossed what can I say? It happened. DF, who isn't usually a git, thought it was hilarious. Xmas Hmm

Philomensapie · 26/12/2018 18:50

And sorry, I missed your next post too! Xmas Grin

CaptainsYuleLog · 26/12/2018 18:56

Most DCs find out from school when they are 7 or 8, if not before. The brightest DCs work it out for themselves because it defies logic.

I'd have been worried if my DSs had believed past 7 or 8.

Batteriesallgone · 26/12/2018 22:06

It’s not like religious faith at all.

I don’t know any religious person who pulls elaborate trickery (like the Santa footprints in the house thing) as proof of ‘Gods hand’ to manipulate their child into believing. I guess maybe they exist but it’s not the norm - generally, adults who say they believe in god do actually believe in god.

Fucket · 27/12/2018 02:00

My 6 year old worked it out, she had wobbles last year. She asked me if he was real, asked me to explain the unexplainable. I had a choice, string it out, tie myself in knots trying to come up with crappy excuses. So I told her all about St Nicholas and how all the parents promised each other that they would become Father Christmas for their children after he died. (For some reason she had worked out he was supposed to be over 100+ years old and “he should be dead by now”). I got her to pinky promise to be Father Christmas for her younger siblings with me and for any children she may go on to have. It seemed kinder to say he was real once instead of never existed. The bit about Rudolph, North Pole etc just got added on over the years to help parents explain why you don’t see him for 11 months of the year.

My kids also wanted an elf, but I’m afraid I explained that was just a toy/a game that families play at Christmas. I’m sorry but that elf thing is not a tradition.

WhiteDust · 27/12/2018 07:43

I don’t know any religious person who pulls elaborate trickery (like the Santa footprints in the house thing) as proof of ‘Gods hand’ to manipulate their child into believing

Bread into body, wine into blood?

WhiteDust · 27/12/2018 07:47

I uess maybe they exist but it’s not the norm
Standard catholic mass.

Oakenbeach · 27/12/2018 07:57

I think the problem is when adults go to ridiculous lengths to “prove” Santa’s real, and flat out lie through their teeth about it.

I know my 11 yo doesn’t believe... he worked it out when he was 7 yo or so. I’m not sure about my 7yo. She engages in the magic of FC but it’s not a major part of Christmas for her, and she hasn’t really questioned it. When she does, I’ll be honest, but in a way that lets her work it out for herself if I can. I definitely won’t be swearing blind that he exists.

MsTSwift · 27/12/2018 08:31

Agree oak. There is a stage when adult insistence and more and more elaborate lies to keep the “innocence” going tips over into being abit weird and an older child actually feeling lied to.

MaisyPops · 27/12/2018 08:35

I agree oak. There comes a point when it's no longer about something a bit fun for the child and it's all about the adult's emotional needs and them not being ready to accept their child isn't a little one any more.

Unusualusernames · 27/12/2018 08:41

My 12 year old , to my huge surprise, genuinely still seems to believe. Either she does or she’s an amazing actor. It makes me feel quite anxious because if she does still believe she’s soon going to find out he’s not real and I’m worried it will be one of the realisations that life is shit (I’m a terrible over thinker). Anyway, i’d be kind of relieved if it came out in that way rather than someone in the school playground mocking her. But thinking about it maybe the mum’s reaction was her worrying what I worry about? Albeit I personally wouldn’t be annoyed with the person who said it.

Batteriesallgone · 27/12/2018 08:53

Are you seriously saying priests don’t believe in transubstantiation? It’s all some elaborate ploy and they’ve given over their whole life to an deception?

I’m going to go with ‘they believe in it’ because anything else sounds like mad conspiracy theory to me.

drspouse · 27/12/2018 09:07

Priests don't set up actual (or even fake) blood to fool people into thinking transubstantiation has taken place.

Frogletmamma · 27/12/2018 09:10

The whole religion thing is one of the reasons we never really did Santa. Didn't want to tell her about Jesus and Santa and for her to decide if one was made up both were.

drspouse · 27/12/2018 10:06

We don't tell the DCs anything "pretend" about God (we only tell them what we believe, or if it's something we don't quite subscribe to, that other people believe that).

icannotremember · 27/12/2018 10:18

Priests don't set up actual (or even fake) blood to fool people into thinking transubstantiation has taken place.

Probably not today but there have been many, many such scams through the centuries