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Original poster

To think 12 is a bit too old to beleive in father Christmas?

200 replies

nickiredcar · 25/12/2018 08:27

We were playing a game of guess the person and "are they real?" Was something asked. End of the story I got an angry text from SIL about saying to my 12 year old neice as part of a game that father Christmas isnt real. She's going on about "taking her innocence" that they want to keep for as long as possible Hmm

I know it's their parenting choice, but does anyone elses 12 year olds still believe in it?

OP posts:
Nodancingshoes · 25/12/2018 15:18

I suspect my 12 year old still (wants to) believe even though he must know deep down... I wouldn't risk it with an11/12 year old

MissEliza · 25/12/2018 15:20

I'm reading this with interest. Dc3 is 10 and still believes. This is lovely as it makes Christmas fun but she goes to secondary school next year and I don't want anyone to take the mickey out of her. Should we tell her (or let her big brothers?)

FlamingoPoet · 25/12/2018 15:59

My 11 year old knows but somehow she's never told us, it's like gradually over the course of this year she's become willingly complicit in the lie for the sake of her younger sister - lots of nods and winks in our direction! Perhaps the 12 year old does know but hasn't said so to her parents to spare their feelings.

^^this. And it happens naturally. I think 12 is about normal, so realise a little later. I find it more weird when people find the need to have a talk and tell them, they’ll work it out soon enough

BottleOfJameson · 25/12/2018 16:18

Interesting I definitely remember finding out around 8. By 9-10 everyone but one girl in my class knew. With a 12 year old I would assume they already knew but obviously if they didn't I certainly wouldn't deliberately tell them.

By the way I only found out at 8 because someone asked me if I believed and I guess the question itself made me realise he didn't exist. It was just before Christmas and I was really upset - I definitely am in no rush to let my two find out.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 25/12/2018 17:10

We had to buy a key so FC could get into the house (we've moved this year, don't have a chimney at new place).

Son is 12.

I could say he's just humouring his daft old parents but I'm not so sure.

MakeAHouseAHome · 25/12/2018 17:21

You are bang out of order and your SIL was well within her right. I believed till year 7/8 whatever age you are then and I certainly don't have a disability... my parents just kept the magic alive, as did the parents of all the kids I went to school with.

It is not for you to decide when is or isn't an appropriate age to believe.

Cachailleacha · 25/12/2018 17:40

I wouldn't expect a NT child to actually believe past the age of 7 or 8, so certainly not 12, though the stories and explanations spun by parents seem to be much more elaborate than when I was a child. Parents seem afraid to slip up and use the same wrapping paper for presents from parents and Father Christmas, and so on, the clues that children would normally use to work out the truth for themselves at an earlier age.

I am autistic myself and I think it is very wrong to not tell an autistic child the truth before secondary school.

Ijumpedtheshark · 25/12/2018 17:42

I still believed at 12.

stayathomer · 25/12/2018 17:49

Whether they know or not or are just pretending/clinging on, I don't think it should be rubbed in a child's face. When I found out I had to keep telling my parents I wanted surprise as they nearly wanted me to walk into shops and buy the stuff with them. And if a 12 year old does what about it?

stayathomer · 25/12/2018 17:51

Cachailleacha, my d's found out at 11 and my d's 9 and all his friends most definitely firmly believe. Telling a 7yo is practically robbing them of their childhood

BikeRunSki · 25/12/2018 17:53

DS is 10. A year ago, i’d have said he’d tumbled Father Christmas, but also knew that he had a vested interested in playing along. This year though- he seems as taken in as a 3 year old!

DD(7) - academically very clever, very confident in many things. Completely naive about Christmas. Still very cute.

I’d say 12 is getting a bit old still to believe.DB is a secondary school Head of Year. He says they still have 1 or 2 children coming into Y7 who still believe, but it’s usually their first Christmas at secondary school that makes them realise.

Cachailleacha · 25/12/2018 18:01

Telling a 7yo is practically robbing them of their childhood
That's not what I said, I said I wouldn't expect a child to believe past 7 or 8, so I would be surprised if a 9 year old still believed. I do think they should be told before secondary school, so at 11, not 7.

My child never believed, he was not robbed of a childhood by the way.

LaPampa · 25/12/2018 18:13

I wouldn’t tell any other child but when faced with my 6 year old asking “tell me the truth mum, is it you and dad” my line about magic and believing wore a bit thin and I of course had to say yes.

To be frank, any older and not displaying any critical thinking would be worrying me far more.

It’s not going to stop us pretending to believe in the magic of Santa every Christmas though. I expect that to continue til grandchildren take their place!

FissionChips · 25/12/2018 18:14

I can’t believe that a 12 year old still believes that an obese man manages to break into several homes around the world in a single night to leave presents. It’s absurd.

Tcga745 · 25/12/2018 18:40

I am sure my 11 year old doesn’t believe, but my 8 year old does. It has never been discussed.
However, I am not sure what my 13 year old thinks... I think she knows it’s not real but wants to believe. She has mentioned that people at school don’t believe and she thinks it’s sad. She is quite bright but has an unusual view of the world .... we had a bizarre conversation a couple of days ago about wombles, which she seems to think are real!

Yura · 25/12/2018 18:41

This kind of reminds me of a thread where a parentvwas outraged that a teacher told their year 3 or so child that unicorns are not real animals...

Anticlockwatcher · 25/12/2018 18:49

He’s not real?! Wtf?

AuntieStella · 25/12/2018 19:02

I would expect NT DC to have cottoned on some time in KS2 (age 7-11)

I would not expect a secondary school pupil to believe, and so would have answered 'not real' when there were no young DC present. That this pre-teens DMum has noticed that this issue is causing social difficulties at school shows how very unwise the pretence is behind primary, no matter how magical before that.

Flobalob · 25/12/2018 19:08

I've told my year 5 autistic child that he stops delivering once children reach secondary school. Then Mum's and Dad's take over.

CarolDanvers · 25/12/2018 19:13

I am autistic myself and I think it is very wrong to not tell an autistic child the truth before secondary school

Well a saying you’ve more than likely heard is when you’ve met one person with autism you’ve met one person with autism so while that might be what would have worked for you as a child with autism, it may not work for others.

saltymofo · 25/12/2018 19:18

My DS12 still believes in Santa. I think it's great. It will be sad when he doesn't any more. He is my youngest.

MajesticWhine · 25/12/2018 19:23

My 8yr old still believes, but it is becoming increasingly uncomfortable to lie to her. I think 11 or 12 is definitely way too old to still believe. But each to their own, obviously.

ChristmassyContessaConSparkles · 25/12/2018 19:30

I will be interested to see when DS1 (7.5yo) really stops believing. He has been muttering "Santa's not REAL" for months now (to which we have responded with noncommittal nodding), but last night he was beside himself with excitement because Santa was coming and he genuinely believed it would happen Smile DS2 has always just seemed to accept it as real too. I think you should keep it going (as in, don't confirm half-hearted questioning) until they are about 10, but I agree that after that it's verging on cruel to let them go on believing. Poor kids will end up being bullied Sad

Batteriesallgone · 25/12/2018 19:32

OP, rookie error.

Never use ‘are they real’ in 20 questions with a child or young person. Even with adults it’s the kind of question people like to ‘interpret’. Better to ask is the person magical / are magical or faith based stories told about this person.

It’s weird that the mum texted you. The child is 12. I assume you’ve sent back a bland apology but I’d be making a mental note that she’s a bit precious and to avoid having conversations with her DC about anything that might be a little tricky or grown up.

Hohocabbage · 25/12/2018 19:32

I think a lot of children who don’t believe in July do believe in Decemeber.