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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 12 is a bit too old to beleive in father Christmas?

200 replies

nickiredcar · 25/12/2018 08:27

We were playing a game of guess the person and "are they real?" Was something asked. End of the story I got an angry text from SIL about saying to my 12 year old neice as part of a game that father Christmas isnt real. She's going on about "taking her innocence" that they want to keep for as long as possible Hmm

I know it's their parenting choice, but does anyone elses 12 year olds still believe in it?

OP posts:
Sallygoroundthemoon · 25/12/2018 10:58

Unless she has SN I'd be worried about her if this is true. Very bizarre and it suggests she might struggle later with being gullible or intellectually limited.

sashh · 25/12/2018 11:07

Send her the clip of Trump talking to the 7 year old and tell her to think herself lucky.

Yura · 25/12/2018 11:27

my 5 year old is starting to figure it out... 12 is fairly extreme if no special needs

IggyAce · 25/12/2018 11:30

My dd12 has never asked but I’m sure she doesn’t believe, but is happy to go along with the fun and magic especially since ds is 7. But ds is a smart one and since he knows I do the elf I’m sure the questions about Santa will start within the next year.

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 25/12/2018 11:32

My 11 year old still believes (I think, he said something this morning that makes me think he doesn't actually!) but if someone had said something like that it wouldn't bother me. He's old enough to take it. I'm not precious about him still believing, in fact I've been dropping hints all bloody winter!

If he were younger (probably up to 8 or 9) then I'd be slightly miffed. But no more stronger feeling than that.

Weightsandmeasures · 25/12/2018 11:33

What if she firmly believes? What's the problem? Let her be and stop imposing your views on her.

If she is lacking in reasoning skills then it would have shown up in her academic work. Is there a problem with her academic achievement at school? No? Then leave her be. If yes, then maybe there is SEN and in this case, again just leave her alone.

Skyejuly · 25/12/2018 11:35

To old in my opinion.

drspouse · 25/12/2018 11:41

So children must stop believing in Santa by high school but millions of adults continue to believe in God and that's just fine?
The difference being that adults who don't believe in Father Christmas keep up an elaborate pretence for children including props etc.
Adults who do believe in God explain their belief to children, show them symbols and explain that they are symbols. Though I'm guessing in some traditions the Baby Jesus leaves magic footprints as well as presents, generally we tell children "this is a model of the Nativity and here is why it's important" not "at night they come alive".

PotteryLady · 25/12/2018 11:42

I work in a secondary school and some kids do still believe and the ones that don't never tease them. I expect they have younger siblings. I would never say he isn't real.

Cheerbear23 · 25/12/2018 11:46

For her own sake her parents should be telling her the truth before she gets to high school. She will be a laughing stick if she’s talking about Santa aged 12. Not your place to tell her though OP.

gearandloathing · 25/12/2018 11:50

Fuck me, I'd be very concerned if my kids still believed by 12. 7 is known as 'the age of reason' as at this age (most) kids undergo a developmental phase where they can begin to think critically and work things out rather than rely blindly on what grown ups tell them, which is essential in evolutionary psychology terms for early childhood, not so much later.

My son is 7 and hasn't quite worked it out yet but I welcome the day when he does, as I know it means he has engaged his critical thinking cababilities. I certainly wouldn't be proud of having a child who still believed past around 9 or 10.

Philomensapie · 25/12/2018 11:50

DSis still believed at 13. DF thought this was hilarious. Xmas Hmm

Original poster
nickiredcar · 25/12/2018 11:54

Weights if you actually read it you would see I'm not imposing my views nore trying to interfere at all. It came up in a game.

Myself and many do worry about someone so old that still beleives in it all.

OP posts:
importantkath · 25/12/2018 11:55

Whatever your personal beliefs on a cut off age, I would just have skipped this part of the game in front of any children. It isn't your place to go anywhere near the subject.

I can appreciate that it was unintentional, however, your insistence that you are NBU and somehow implying that it is weird that their 12 year old believes (it's not) makes me think YABU.

In your shoes, I would suck it up, apologize, tell your niece it's a stupid game and let them have one more Christmas with the magic of believing.

AnotherPidgey · 25/12/2018 11:55

DS is 8 (just) and has made some critical observations. I'm not sure how much is denial, cognitive disassociation or humouring in his beliefs, but I began to doubt at the cusp of 7-8 too.

I kept it up convincingly for years. My family reached the stage when we were all humouring each other nicely until about 12-13.

Travisandthemonkey · 25/12/2018 11:58

I would be worried about her reaction to it rather than her believing or not.
If you’re 12 and someone tells you something isn’t real you should be able to have some kind of logical/critical thinking about it and not get really upset!

CarolDanvers · 25/12/2018 12:09

Unless the child has some form of serious intellectual disability, that is shocking.

My child has HFA not a “serious intellectual disability”. Stop your offensive turn of phrase around disability.

PoesyCherish · 25/12/2018 12:15

12 is very old to still believe in Santa. I'd be very worried about her tbh and no YADNBU but her Mum is

keenkaren · 25/12/2018 12:27

but millions of adults continue to believe in God and that's just fine?

We know full well that Santa was invented by man but God invented us so it's a bit different

drspouse · 25/12/2018 12:33

OK, so the OP didn't know the child thought FC was real, and the child used it as her own answer. How could the OP have known that?

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 25/12/2018 12:37

DS1 is autistic, 12 in a few weeks and still believes.

In response to a PP he’s not “intellectually challenged”, nor is he gullible. He’s just a boy who still believes.

I think that whatever your own opinion OP, or indeed anyone else’s, it’s not a kind thing to do to burst a child’s bubble about Santa.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 25/12/2018 12:37

CarolDanvers well said!!!!

Hohocabbage · 25/12/2018 13:24

Well my son uses his critical thinking to work out that Santa buys him stuff that there is no way his mum and dad would. And sometimes without even seeing his list.

x2boys · 25/12/2018 14:34

I rgink its really bloody cruel to send a child to high school.still.beleiving in Father.Xmas , special needs aside , my son is 12 tommorow and hasent believed for a couple of years he has a severly autistic brother so he would never tease a child still beleiving but many would its totally different at high school .

Weightsandmeasures · 25/12/2018 15:15

Worried? Worried about what exactly.

You are imposing your views on her and her mother. You think she is too old, fine but don't ridicule her for believing and her mum for letting her believe in Santa. The fact that you are making a big deal out of it here and annoying her mother enough god her to have pulled you up on it, shows you are imposing yourself.

You are overly invested in whether or not she believes in Santa. You're discussing it with other family members, you deliberately brought it up during this game and pretending it was just a game. Your original post shows that it was not just a game. The reason you say her mum was upset with you says it all.

Mind you business and leave the child alone. She will be fine.

What are you worried about? You suppose her own mother isn't wise enough or a good enough mother because she isn't worried about whatever it is you seem so very worried about?