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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to take brothers presents back after they open them?

237 replies

ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 10:11

2 brothers.
Neither have their own kids/family/bills (other than mobile bill) etc. One lives with my dad, the other with my mum (neither pay rent so all their income is theirs).
Just found out from my mum that neither have bought my daughter an Xmas gift.

I’m a skint single parent and I have bought them a nice tshirt each from Next. Can’t afford it, but it’s xmas.

My daughter doesn’t see her dad, none of his family bother with her. Only other gifts she gets are from me, my mum and my dad.
I know xmas shouldn’t be about getting gifts but I’m so upset they aren’t buying for my daughter as they’ve overspent on their Xmas do’s etc.
One bro has bought spas days for step
Mother and step sisters (2), other has bought for 3 of his friends kids.
We are close, have a good relationship... so why don’t they love their niece enough to buy for her when they spend so much on others?!!!!

Aibu to give them their tshirts that I’ve already wrapped then take them back after they’ve opened them if they do not produce a gift for my dd?? I would spend the money on taking my dd out somewhere before she goes back to school.

I’d never expect a gift for me from them, I host them here on Xmas day, they’re just cf aren’t they?!

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 25/12/2018 06:28

Merry Christmas op.
Make this the last Christmas they take the piss out of you.
Make it very clear early next year they aren’t welcome.

LuckyLou7 · 25/12/2018 06:33

What absolute bastards. Make today extra special for your daughter and draw a line under your toxic family
No-one ducks out of a prearranged Christmas dinner the night before, unless they are ill.

Punto1 · 25/12/2018 06:35

What shisters. How can people be so unthinking!

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 25/12/2018 06:39

I hope you let them know how pissed off you are!

Is your mum still coming?

shiveringtimber · 25/12/2018 06:51

Don't cause a row. It's not worth it.

shiveringtimber · 25/12/2018 06:53

Shit! I didn't RTFT... I take it back. What assholes.Xmas Angry

diddl · 25/12/2018 07:42

Hopefully you'll be able to make use of the food on other days.

I think that you're better off without them.

Don't dwell on it-they're not worth the "headspace".

Have a lovely time with your daughter (&mum?)

Gina2012 · 25/12/2018 07:56

Quite surprised people are so concerned about the feelings of 2 fully grown adults. So what if they are embarrassed! They should be! They caused this!

I couldn't give a toss about your brothers

My concern is that you will potentially (if you do what you say you are going to do) reflect appalling behaviour to your daughter

Do you want her growing up thinking this is the way to behave?

Giving gifts and then taking them back reflects someone with zero class and zero compassion. It's simply BAD PARENTING

An eye for an eye is not a lesson your daughter should be learning

Your brothers are twats but you don't need to teach your daughter that it's ok to be a twat

Gina2012 · 25/12/2018 07:59

So turns out that brothers pressies (or lack of) were the least I had to worry about!

They really are twats

Take the gifts back to the shop tomorrow and get your daughter to choose something for herself

And don't organise to do Christmas with the family again

Look after you ThanksThanks

DaphneDiligaf · 25/12/2018 08:12

Oh Sweetheart I am so sorry. X
But at least you know exactly where you stand and you will get your little one some lovely clothes in the Next sale. I think their childrens range this year is as good as Ive ever seen. X

Juells · 25/12/2018 08:19

My concern is that you will potentially (if you do what you say you are going to do) reflect appalling behaviour to your daughter

Seems to me that - as the OP's brothers are free-loading with the OP's mum and dad - she needs to be teaching her own daughter to stand up for herself. Her brothers wouldn't treat her so badly if they hadn't got away with it all their lives.

Have a nice Christmas watching what you want on TV with your daughter cuddled up beside you on sofa. That sounds like heaven to me, rather than being at the bottom of the heap and having your hard work unappreciated all day.

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 25/12/2018 08:25

Wow they are shits. Don’t bother in the future and concentrate on you and your DD.

NoFucksImAQueen · 25/12/2018 09:16

woah are they joking the cheeky bastards!? is your mum still coming? god id be livid, I wouldn't host them ever again

Rainbowqueeen · 25/12/2018 09:20

I get the cousin is estatic to have last minute guests who won’t bring a bottle or contribute!!

How hurtful for you

I really hope that you have a lovely Christmas with your DD and enjoy a few extra days of yummy Christmas food for the two of you and get your DD something nice after returning the twat t shirts

Laureline · 25/12/2018 09:28

Look at the long term gain: you will never have to buy them a present again, nor host them for Christmas! You’re free from these stupid obligations!

You can from now on use the money you were spending on those ungrateful twats on yourself and your child!

diddl · 25/12/2018 09:33

I wonder if the cousin has a female OH who they're expecting to magic up another Christmas dinner?Hmm

MrsAJ27 · 25/12/2018 10:04

Your family have been very disrespectful, don't offer to host Christmas for them again.

I hope you enjoy the day with your daughter Flowers

Kolo · 25/12/2018 10:05

I sympathise OP. I’m in a similar situation. It’s not that I want my children to have loads of presents and ‘things’ at Christmas. I just want my kids to feel that they are loved and valued by their family. Even though I get very angry about it, it’s because I’m really hurt.

Kolo · 25/12/2018 10:07

And to just not turn up for Christmas with you, after all the planning and prep, it’s just disgusting behaviour. Hopefully karma will be a bitch.

Surfskatefamily · 25/12/2018 10:10

I wouldnt, just dont do gifts next year for them and get your kids an extra instead

Veterinari · 25/12/2018 10:13

Your brothers Are entitled arseholes.

I hope that you told them how rude they’d been

Saracen · 25/12/2018 10:38

Re the failure to buy your dd a gift, I would've said they had been a bit unthinking and selfish but that it might have been fixed by you or your mum having a stern word with them.

Backing out of Christmas dinner at such short notice without a REALLY good reason, however, is inexcusable. Tell them so, and don't go to any inconvenience for them ever again.

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 25/12/2018 11:29

Backing out on Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve when you’ve prepped and planned everything is really shitty. No excuse. Is your DM still coming? I’d be fucking fuming.

ThanosSavedMe · 25/12/2018 11:34

What absolutely shits. Are you ok today?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 25/12/2018 12:15

What utter cunts. My Uncle pulled out of Chritmas dinner yesterday but at least had the decency to ask if it would be a problem (he would have come if I said it was).

Is your Mum still coming over?

Look on the bright side. You have a lovely cleaned tidy house for you and your daughter to enjoy. Lots of yummy food that you don't have to share.

And you never ever ever have to invite them again.

(PS if you haven't already taken the shirts back, get them taken back tomorrow and you should be able to get something extra for both you and DD because of the sale).