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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to take brothers presents back after they open them?

237 replies

ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 10:11

2 brothers.
Neither have their own kids/family/bills (other than mobile bill) etc. One lives with my dad, the other with my mum (neither pay rent so all their income is theirs).
Just found out from my mum that neither have bought my daughter an Xmas gift.

I’m a skint single parent and I have bought them a nice tshirt each from Next. Can’t afford it, but it’s xmas.

My daughter doesn’t see her dad, none of his family bother with her. Only other gifts she gets are from me, my mum and my dad.
I know xmas shouldn’t be about getting gifts but I’m so upset they aren’t buying for my daughter as they’ve overspent on their Xmas do’s etc.
One bro has bought spas days for step
Mother and step sisters (2), other has bought for 3 of his friends kids.
We are close, have a good relationship... so why don’t they love their niece enough to buy for her when they spend so much on others?!!!!

Aibu to give them their tshirts that I’ve already wrapped then take them back after they’ve opened them if they do not produce a gift for my dd?? I would spend the money on taking my dd out somewhere before she goes back to school.

I’d never expect a gift for me from them, I host them here on Xmas day, they’re just cf aren’t they?!

OP posts:
YahBasic · 24/12/2018 14:55

My brother hasn’t bought me a present for years - I’ve been with DH for 9 years and I don’t think he’s ever bought him one.

I buy him something every year, mainly because he is the golden child and my mum gets upset otherwise. I didn’t get him a birthday card or present this year and my mum got upset.

This year is the last year I’m buying for him.

TheLittlestLightOnTheTree · 24/12/2018 14:57

I think you need to update tomorrow

If you are hosting then they won't be turning up empty handed surely!

TheBigBangRocks · 24/12/2018 15:11

Teaching children to expect gifts or to give to receive is wrong. I would be mortified if my children asked someone where their gift was, let alone an adult doing the same. Gifts are not compulsory nor should they be.

Don't host is you begrudge it so much. Quite why people do it then mine is beyond me.

dooko · 24/12/2018 15:21

When it's obvious they haven't bought gifts for the only child in the room, they'll probably realise they've fucked up.

SilverySurfer · 24/12/2018 15:25

Why do people never read the whole thread?

What is it you think we have missed?

Loka123 · 24/12/2018 15:29

Well if they've bought presents for you at the least, you could give them the t-shirts. If they've not bought any presents for your nor your DDs, then maybe you needn't give them a present.

Juells · 24/12/2018 15:32

Teaching children to expect gifts or to give to receive is wrong.

The OP isn't teaching her child to expect a gift, the child doesn't know this is going on. The OP's brothers are being arses.

Original poster
ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 15:48

SIlverysurfer... posters haven’t read that I’d calmed down and have already said that I’m going to hold back giving their gifts unless they hand one to my daughter... that I don’t ever expect them to buy me a gift, I could go on.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 15:49

..... However a bottle of wine from them after feeding and hosting every year would be most appreciated!

OP posts:
LIZS · 24/12/2018 15:55

How does your dm know? Could they perhaps have had their consciences pricked and bring something now?

AuntMarch · 24/12/2018 16:04

I don't understand why your mum would upset you by telling you this, instead of just telling them both to go and get something!
(She shouldn't have to but it would be better than causing upset and/or embarrassment!)

I agree than your new plan is the better one. If they haven't even bought a bottle with them when you are hosting they are so far beyond CFs it's unreal.

ForgotTheBastardElfAgain · 24/12/2018 16:04

You think she will get arrested and taken to court over a t shirt?

Drama lama or what brenda ? That’s a slight exaggeration on what I said isn’t it now. No I don’t think that, but it’s the hight of all rudeness, and all moral high ground would be lost.

SilverySurfer · 24/12/2018 16:06

I agree OP, the very least they should do is bring a bottle or two. I do understand why you are mad at them and feel for your DD. They are either mean or lazy, both horrible traits and they wouldn't be getting an invitation from me next year.

pollyname · 24/12/2018 16:09

If you are close with your brothers I'd call and ask them about it. Explain that it's only ypur side of the family that is there for your daughter. There are things they could buy online - get her a film, tickets to something.

simplepimple · 24/12/2018 16:38

OP - do you actually want to host everyone tomorrow - maybe this is part of why you feel taken advantage of too - especially if you are struggling financially.

Original poster
ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 16:50

I do like everyone coming over, don’t mind the work if I don’t feel taken advantage of and disrespected, and that’s what the lack of dd gift represents.

DM told me as she had asked them and then thought I should be warned so as not to have to absorb the realisation tomorrow morning.
She’s not in a position to buy extra to give to them to give to dd.
Unfortunately the boys have different rules in my family 😤 so she prob wouldn’t have told them they were out of order

OP posts:
cstaff · 24/12/2018 17:35

OP that is really bad form by your mum. Your mum should have at least put them right but it is probably too late to try and change her way of thinking.

I definitely would not give them their present unless they have one for your DD.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 24/12/2018 17:51

They should buy you a bottle of wine !
OP, hold back their gifts, but tell them, as you are supplying the Christmas dinner, they will have to supply their own alcohol !

Original poster
ThatPeskyElf · 25/12/2018 00:14

So I sent a message to everyone confirming times and asking someone to bring sellotape as mine just got chewed to shreds by the dog and they’re prob not coming now.

Brothers have decided to go to our cousins after bumping into him in the pub today and stepdad has decided to drive to see his daughter and her family instead.

So turns out that brothers pressies (or lack of) were the least I had to worry about! Trying to be upset that I’ve bought dinner for 6 and spent the day cleaning and prepping!
Ducking families. Ducking Christmas.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatPeskyElf · 25/12/2018 00:14

*trying not to be

OP posts:
Neolara · 25/12/2018 00:24

That's really terrible behaviour from your brother's and stepdad OP. I'm sorry. I hope you and your dd have lovely Xmas together doing whatever you want.

Yulebealrite · 25/12/2018 00:29

Bless you. That's really awful of them.
Snuggle up with dd and have a lovely day the Two of you.

campbellsmum · 25/12/2018 00:43

That's absolutely shocking! Bad enough about the presents but to just change their plans like that is so bloody rude. When exactly were they planning on telling you! It's not cheap hosting Christmas dinner. Absolute arseholes, do not host for them next year!

notapizzaeater · 25/12/2018 00:50

ThTs horrible. I'd never offer again and wouldn't give them the presents now as they won't be there

Bibijayne · 25/12/2018 06:16

Oh OP, that's really horrible. And they only told you this eve?