Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to take brothers presents back after they open them?

237 replies

ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 10:11

2 brothers.
Neither have their own kids/family/bills (other than mobile bill) etc. One lives with my dad, the other with my mum (neither pay rent so all their income is theirs).
Just found out from my mum that neither have bought my daughter an Xmas gift.

I’m a skint single parent and I have bought them a nice tshirt each from Next. Can’t afford it, but it’s xmas.

My daughter doesn’t see her dad, none of his family bother with her. Only other gifts she gets are from me, my mum and my dad.
I know xmas shouldn’t be about getting gifts but I’m so upset they aren’t buying for my daughter as they’ve overspent on their Xmas do’s etc.
One bro has bought spas days for step
Mother and step sisters (2), other has bought for 3 of his friends kids.
We are close, have a good relationship... so why don’t they love their niece enough to buy for her when they spend so much on others?!!!!

Aibu to give them their tshirts that I’ve already wrapped then take them back after they’ve opened them if they do not produce a gift for my dd?? I would spend the money on taking my dd out somewhere before she goes back to school.

I’d never expect a gift for me from them, I host them here on Xmas day, they’re just cf aren’t they?!

OP posts:
grumiosmum · 24/12/2018 13:43

So OP you are teaching your daughter she should only give in order to receive?

Not a great message is it ....?

ABoozedMoose · 24/12/2018 13:43

I am glad you've seen sense OP.
I hope you all manage to have a lovely Christmas x

BlueJava · 24/12/2018 13:45

I think YANBU to not give them anything. But if you have already given it you can't take them back, that would be weird and horrible! However, I wouldn't be giving them anything in the first place.

Original poster
ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 13:54

No Grumiosmum, I’m teaching her to have self respect and if others are being an arse, then it’s ok to out them for their shit behaviour. You clearly have no idea what it’s like, so kindly go away.

Don’t know who wrote the thing about “household level” gifts... that’s a load of enabling bs.

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 24/12/2018 14:08

Once you've given the gifts they are no longer your property.

You think she will get arrested and taken to court over a t shirt?

BrendasUmbrella · 24/12/2018 14:09

Instead of being resentful, text both of them and tell them NOW that they won't be welcome if they don't bring a gift for their niece. They have a couple of hours to find something.

BrendasUmbrella · 24/12/2018 14:11

Alternatively, return the shirts to Next and spend the money on a gift "from them" to her.

Gigglebrain · 24/12/2018 14:11

You don’t give to receive.

PolkaDoting · 24/12/2018 14:16

I think that the chances of the op taking the presents and then quietly taking them away again and not saying anything if her DD doesn’t get a gift are zero.

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 24/12/2018 14:17

What I think will happen though, is that the attention will shift from them being the ones in the wrong, to them being the wounded party by your stunt.

This - don't give them the chance to put you in the wrong (which this will do, whether you see it or not)

Keep their gifts aside - if they don't give anything to your DD (and I agree that if they don't they are a pair of twats) don't say ANYTHING.

Just take their gifts back after the holiday. TBH - you are feeding them - that's not a cheap thing to do at Christmas. I'd LOVE someone t make my Christmas meal.

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 24/12/2018 14:19

So OP you are teaching your daughter she should only give in order to receive?

No - she's teaching her DD that she doesn't have to settle for being treated like crap.

NoIAmSpartacus · 24/12/2018 14:22

You sound like hard work

Jenny17 · 24/12/2018 14:22

You should be speaking to your brothers about this. Personally I wouldn't want to receive a gift from someone who couldn't really afford it especially when they have a young child to look after.

Notatallobvious · 24/12/2018 14:24

Used to have this with my sister when my DC were younger. She would buy gifts for her friends and their DC, and turn up with nothing for mine, saying she hadn’t had time to get them or ran out of cash and would buy them something after Christmas. In your shoes I would hang on to their gifts and see if they bring anything, if they don’t just return for a refund. Don’t bother letting them open them.

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 24/12/2018 14:26

Personally I wouldn't want to receive a gift from someone who couldn't really afford it especially when they have a young child to look after.

Nor would I - but I would still buy the child a gift. Especially if I was going to be fed and boozed watered in their home.

HJWT · 24/12/2018 14:28

Why not just say. I bought you a gift but u didn't get DD anything so i took it back and used the money on her... merry christmas ya selfish pigs!

Ethel36 · 24/12/2018 14:33

Just keep their gifts back to one side. If they produce a present them swap. If they don't then return them and spend it on your little girl. Don't cause a scene on Christmas day. You can't make people buy a present..Just remember and do the same back..

Original poster
ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 14:35

I will HJWT

NoIamSpartacus.... you are confused, I am putting on a lovely Christmas for them, I am doing all the hard work... they are CF, THEY are hard work and that’s why I’m pissed off.

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 24/12/2018 14:36

Give or don't give them their gifts. Giving and then taking back will make you look ridiculous, not to mention petty and childish. Of course they should have bought their DN a gift but they haven't so you will know not to buy them anything next year.

winsinbin · 24/12/2018 14:40

It’s fair enough to not give them presents but it would be petty and childish to give them and then take them back. It would undoubtedly cause ill feeling and probably start an argument. You say it’s to teach than a lesson but even that sounds petty. To be honest you don’t even know for sure they won’t give your DD anything and you seem to looking for an argument.

And never buy gifts for people if you can’t afford them.

Chamomileteaplease · 24/12/2018 14:42

What did you think of user1486's idea of taking back the t-shirts to the shop and buying presents for your daughter with that money, "from them".

I thought that was genius. What do you think?

TonTonMacoute · 24/12/2018 14:47

YANBU to want to spend the money on your DCs rather than your brothers.

YABVU to want to do it in such a way as to cause the biggest upset, and make a point.

Original poster
ThatPeskyElf · 24/12/2018 14:50

Why do people never read the whole thread?

OP posts:
HJWT · 24/12/2018 14:53

@ThatPeskyElf I'm actually quite shocked your hosting them and they haven't even got you or DD a small gift! CF CF CF X10...

frugalkitty · 24/12/2018 14:54

Either give them the gifts this year but don't bother from now on, or don't give them the gifts at all. I think it's a bit rude of them not to buy gifts for your DD if they're buying for other family members.

A few years ago my BILs girlfriend made a huge thing about what to buy for our kids, we hadn't really done presents with them before, but she'd made such a fuss I felt I ought to buy presents for their kids.....the night before we travelled up she messsged to say that as BIL was out of work (he was already out of work when she first mentioned presents) they couldn't afford to buy for our kids. So I gave the presents I'd already bought and wrapped, but I've not bothered since. She's a cow though and my BIL is not someone I have anything to do with so it doesn't bother me (they have very little contact with his parents and he only rings DH if he wants something), so I don't feel guilty.