Aibu to take brothers presents back after they open them?

[ThatPeskyElf]

2 brothers.
Neither have their own kids/family/bills (other than mobile bill) etc. One lives with my dad, the other with my mum (neither pay rent so all their income is theirs).
Just found out from my mum that neither have bought my daughter an Xmas gift.

I’m a skint single parent and I have bought them a nice tshirt each from Next. Can’t afford it, but it’s xmas.

My daughter doesn’t see her dad, none of his family bother with her. Only other gifts she gets are from me, my mum and my dad.
I know xmas shouldn’t be about getting gifts but I’m so upset they aren’t buying for my daughter as they’ve overspent on their Xmas do’s etc.
One bro has bought spas days for step
Mother and step sisters (2), other has bought for 3 of his friends kids.
We are close, have a good relationship... so why don’t they love their niece enough to buy for her when they spend so much on others?!!!!

Aibu to give them their tshirts that I’ve already wrapped then take them back after they’ve opened them if they do not produce a gift for my dd?? I would spend the money on taking my dd out somewhere before she goes back to school.

I’d never expect a gift for me from them, I host them here on Xmas day, they’re just cf aren’t they?!

Did you buy them something you can’t afford in the hope that they’d buy something for your dd?

That’s not really how Christmas works.

If you can’t afford it, you tell them seeing as you have apparently a close relationship. They’d understand.

Literally pick up the phone and ask them if they are not buying her a gift and if so wht not? You are basing this ridiculous plan on chinese whispers. Just communicate and make sure you get the facts before you spoil everyones day.

Juells nobody’s said they aren’t shitty?

But you don’t keep the moral high ground if you combat shitty behaviour with public humiliation and stroppiness. In fact, you make the shitty ones look like the victim!

They might be selfish but causing a scene to prove a point upsetting everyone at Christmas is a horrible thing to do. I'd be so uncomfortable if I was made to witness what you are planning.

Why don't you just talk to them about it? Tell them.how you feel?

If you do it today then you can have a nice day tomorrow.

They are in the wrong. They buy for others but not for you or your daughter. It is hurtful.

So tell them, calmly, how it makes you feel.

Juells no one is saying the op shouldn't feel pissed off.

Just that she's going to deal with it in a terrible way and will only end up making herself look bad.

Op I get what you want to happen you give over thoughtfull gifts brothers are impressed they don't give your dd anything so you take shirts back and they both learn the error of thier ways sat there feeling guilty.

What will actually happen is you will demand the shirts back the will either be bewildered or angry and best case scenario look at each other and say what's Pesky on!

They are young with disposable income I'm not trying to belittle what you brought but in that position people don't think anything on my clothes ect it won't have a massive impact on them.

Take the shirts back treat you daughter and stop buying for them!

Once a gift is given, it is not yours to take back. It is theirs. If you want to return it do so before giving. If someone gave me a gift and tried to take it back immediately I would say no, it’s mine.
Just explain why you returned their gift instead of giving it in the first place. Simple and a little more classy.

I love hearing Christmas tales about crazy family members from my work mates. Brightens up January.

Definitely do it.

Purple my dad (who passed away last year, which broke me!) - my only parent as fuck knows where my bitch of a mother live- always avoided me around my birthdays. He'd normally call me all the time wanting help or someone to talk to, around my birthday he'd stop calling and wouldn't answer his phone. Days later I'd mention it and he'd say 'oh it was your birthday?How old are you now?' !! 😂😂 Christmas he'd get a taxi to collect his presents, say thanks and leave, without giving so much as a card. BUT I strangely miss him like crazy

Just don’t give them the shirts. Return them without their knowledge.

Maybe after speaking to them and saying you feel really sad and rejected because they’re not buying a gift for their niece.

Don’t get angry, just tell them.

It would have been much better if your mum had had a word with your brothers instead of telling you. Something along the lines of how shocked and ashamed she was of them accepting your hospitality on Xmas day and gift without giving their niece a gift in return. What did she say to them and how did they respond?

What age is your dd? I would be tempted to give them their gifts as To Uncle X love from dd, and make a big point of saying it is to them from their niece or if old enough get her to give to them.

If they didn't have a gift for her I would mention it calmly after Xmas how disappointed you were that they came to you for Xmas dinner without a gift for their niece, explain how hosting dinner and buying them gifts was a struggle as a single mum and their thoughtlessness took the shine off Xmas day for you. Depending on their reaction then decide on what to do next.

Looks like your threadhelped you to decide that you are definitely NBU, OP.

Why wouldn't you call them and and speak to them about it?

I would just text them and say that you had heard they were short of cash and to be honest you are too. Agree not to do gifts this year.

Return the T-shirt's. Don't spend money you don't have. Dd will be delighted with the presents she has.

Nobody thinks that your brothers are in the right but you risk becoming the bad guy. Your guests will want to leave because it's so awkward and you will look like the bad guy.

Personally I'm surprised that your parents haven't bollocked your brothers and leant then the money to get something. Shops are still open today.

don’t give them anything until something has been produced for your DD, return to the shop if they don’t give her anything.

This ^^

Nobody thinks your brothers are in the right or feels sorry for them, but you’ll just embarrass yourself if you do this. It’s childish.
Just don’t give them the presents. I don’t see why you need to do anything else? If they mention it just say ‘I assumed we weren’t doing presents this year’.
Honestly you’ll embarrass yourself and create an atmosphere.

Pinknike
Just that she's going to deal with it in a terrible way and will only end up making herself look bad.

It's just that I know she doesn't really intend doing that, she's venting and making herself feel better by imagining doing it. She's annoyed, rightly.

Anyway, it may turn out that they hadn't bought presents yet, but were intending to rush out today and do all their shopping.

Understand your point op. How old are these ppl? Perhaps they think they are include in mums present. Not good enough. Definately speak to them. Users idea good too

My Nan always Said ...

"you shouldn't give to receive" ..

Iv'e already been called a doormat and have low self esteem by a CC on here...

BUT ... Believe me...

Your best strategy is to give the gifts you intended to. YOU will feel better, and your bro's MIGHT just feel a little bit like Utter CXnts.

It’s not the fact people are more concerned with adults feelings than a child’s op. You’re all adults, you do not have to act like a child and snatch a present away to teach a lesson. You use your words like an adult and explain you’re disappointed that they have no considered your DD in the Christmas gift giving season so have not bought anything for them.

There's no way I would act petty and childish and potentially put a dampner on my child's Christmas just to make a point OP.

If this is the way you're going to behave then maybe you should stay at home and see your mother on Wednesday to exchange gifts. Send theirs back, god I haven't bothered buying for my siblings for years and they definitely dont buy for my kids.

No one is denying that the brothers not buying presents for their niece is acceptable, they sound like dicks. If you go ahead with your childish plan, you'll look like a bigger dick...if I were there I'd feel embarrassed but for you.

If you feel that strongly then just don't give them their presents

I probably wouldn’t take them back, as I just wouldn’t have the gut too!😂 but I do see where your coming from completely. I would say “oh I forgot your gifts but it’s ok, looks like you forgot niceces gift aswell, pop round and get them when your dropping of her gift”. They are cf and can well afford to get her a gift but just choose not to.