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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely Raging at DSis

619 replies

DroningOn · 23/12/2018 10:45

DSis and her DH were at a wedding yesterday, we had their DD1 and DS3 overnight. We've got a panto today at 1:30 for me, DH and our 2 kids.

DSis knows of our plans and has just text to say that both her and DH had too much to drink last night and can't drive until at least mid afternoon. They're 90 mins away so that's today's plans fucked up. Obvs not an AIBU but I am incandescent with rage at the moment.

AAAARGH! Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
DroningOn · 26/12/2018 19:41

Handprints2018

Nope, as a meter of fact I'm sitting here watching TV in a very nice pair of PJs that were destined for her. Grin

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/12/2018 19:45

Glad you are enjoying her pjs Grin

mbosnz · 26/12/2018 19:47

Nope, as a meter of fact I'm sitting here watching TV in a very nice pair of PJs that were destined for her.

LOL. Sisterly love. I've got three sisters myself. It's actually a good thing if one is taking the proverbial, gets pulled up on it sooner rather than later. Speaking as one who has been both puller upee, and puller upper. . .

FuzzyCustard · 26/12/2018 20:08

PJ procurement...excellent work droning

Handprints2018 · 26/12/2018 20:23

DroningOn Grin excellent. Enjoy the pjs!

momomia · 26/12/2018 21:17

Wow so many people mad at me. I'm not stupid. Some of the suggestions here are ludicrous - put tiny children in a taxi! Call social services! Really?!

Ok I agree it's cheeky to add on the hours without asking but I honestly wouldn't mind. I've looked after my brothers children and they've been late picking them up before - I certainly wasn't unwrapping Christmas presents and planning to go nc Grin I mean come on!

So many 'their children, their problem' attitudes. It takes a village and all that. I like helping out with my family, they help me out at times. Things happen. Would the reaction be the same if they got stuck in bad traffic for a few hours? Would the kids be carted off in a cab of an accident on the motorway meant a later pick up than planned? I'm scared that some of you would say yes to that Shock

I'm not a doormat or stupid but I do remember how hard little ones can be and I just couldn't begrudge my sister a few hours in the pool or relaxing before coming back to 'real life.' I just couldn't. In the early days with mine I took any and all offers of help, didn't mean I was running away from my children, just that I was knackered! It's sad that you missed the panto and I agree that you should be offered the money but ultimately a few extra hours with your nieces is hardly the end of the world in my eyes and definitely not worth the vitriol on this post. It's hardly like some of the cf we see on here

IncyWincyGrownUp · 26/12/2018 21:22

momomia the time matters, because it was time stolen from her own children. If you can’t understand that I suspect you’re the utter cheeky fucker in your family.

myrtleWilson · 26/12/2018 21:23

But monomia - your examples are completely opposite to the situation the OP was in. Of course if the motorway was shut the OP would probably sigh a bit but think there but for the grace of god... and look after the children. But that is a situation outside of the OP's DSis control. That is not what happened at all. This was a situation within the DSis control and she (and her DH) chose to ignore the fact they had an obligation to pick up the children, ignore the fact the OP had reminded her just before departure about the family Christmas panto, but chose at 9pm (when presumably not that drunk) to extend their booking for a late check out and just assume the OP would cope.

If you can't see the difference between those scenarios you really need to give your head a shake

mbosnz · 26/12/2018 21:23

That's really sweet of you that you wouldn't mind, momomia, especially at this time of year, when everyone is so busy, so stressed, and got so much on.

But, and this is the important thing, it's not about you. It's about the OP who DID mind, who, without being asked permission, got HER special time that she had looked so forward to with HER family, that she had worked towards, taken away without so much as a please or thank you by her sister.

Of course the reaction is very different if it's a truly unforeseen emergency - but this wasn't. I totally remember how hard little ones are. Let's face it, very few of the age groups are a bed of sodding roses. But you ASK. You don't just take from other people what they haven't offered, and more than they (and their own family) were prepared to give. Certainly not if you want to go back to that well anytime soon. And not at this time of year when everybody's tank is running on empty.

RCohle · 26/12/2018 21:29

@momomia Why is OP's Sister's nice relaxing time with her DH at Christmas more important than OP's nice relaxing time with her DH and kids at Christmas? Especially when the OP has already done her sister the favour of having her kids overnight?

The "few extra hours" the OP spent with her nieces was at the expense of those hours with her own kids. Can you really not see how unfair that is?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/12/2018 21:33

Have your brother or sister ever ruined a planned family outing - a special trip, not some ordinary outing - by adding on hours to your babysitting without asking, @momomia? Because that is what the OP’s sister did.

She knew about the pantomime trip, but made the conscious decision to prioritise her own pleasure over that of the OP and her family - and, apparently lied to her own husband about it (if I have read correctly, she told her dh that the OP had agreed to the arrangement) - that was selfish and the epitome of cheeky fuckery.

Only a doormat would put up with being treated and undervalued in that way. Only an idiot would carry on babysitting for such a selfish piece of work, and risk being used in the same way again.

Letting yourself be used and taken for granted by someone, even if they are family, doesn’t make you a good person - it makes you someone who doesn’t value themselves. It makes you a mug. I applaud the OP for refusing to be a mug any more.

Molakai · 26/12/2018 21:37

In the early days with mine I took any and all offers of help

Taking offers of help is not the issue momomia Its taking the piss out of the people who gave the help.

momomia · 26/12/2018 21:38

I'm not a doormat or idiot
I have had events ruined
I just don't let it get to me as life happens, shit happens
In my family we all pitch in and help
I'm not a cf
Bowing out now

Molakai · 26/12/2018 21:40

theres a difference between shit happens and someone treating you with a conscious lack of consideration.

mbosnz · 26/12/2018 21:43

In my family we pitch in and help when necessary, when asked, and we don't take the piss.

If we do take the piss, we're very aware that next time we want our family to pitch in and help, they might say, 'well you might want it, you don't need it, last time you took the piss, so this time round you can just piss right off'.

Especially since the ones who are likely to take the piss, are likely to be perennial takers, but awfully absent when it comes around to giving back. . .

Lunde · 26/12/2018 21:47

momomia - well if you are fine with family members deliberately riding roughshod over you own family plans and causing you to cancel a family Christmas outing then I guess none of this is an issue for you.

However many people would take an issue with a family member deliberately sabotaging a Christmas outing because they were too selfish to care. OP had generously babysat overnight with the only proviso that her sister was back to collect i time for OP's own planned family outing. The fact that the sister, took the decision not to abide by the OP's request, and then subsequently arranged the night before to have a late checkout to use the hotel spa makes it clear that they never intended to stick to their side of the bargain and very selfishly didn't care about the consequences for anyone but themselves.

CuriousMama · 26/12/2018 21:47

Grin PJs

dontticklethetoad · 26/12/2018 22:01

RandomMess Teflon Coated CF Grin

Jenniferturkington · 26/12/2018 22:10

I’m inclined to agree with @momomia here. Yes the sister was a bit of a CF, but hardly the crime of the century as many posters are making out. So they took an opportunity to have an extra few hours childfree. With a 1 and 3 year old, who can blame them. Yes they were selfish not considering the panto, but jeez, hardly time to call social services.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/12/2018 22:11

@momomia - yes - shit happens - but there is a huge difference between someone being unavoidably detained by something beyond their control, and someone deliberately getting back late to relieve their babysitter. I think ‘shit happens’ falls into the unavoidable, yonder one’s control category, and what the OP’s sister did falls squarely in the deliberate piss taking category.

And I am sorry, but if you let your family leave their kids with you and, pick them up late, on purpose, sometimes spoiling your own planned events, and taking you for granted, then they ARE treating you like a doormat, even if you don’t feel like one.

NewPapaGuinea · 26/12/2018 22:23

“Pitching in” as you put it comes down to mutual respect. What this CF has done has prioritised a few extra hours being childfree at the expense of fucking up someone’s long awaited and no doubt expensive day out. Anyone who shrugs and thinks that’s acceptable is more than likely a CF themselves.

ReflectentMonatomism · 26/12/2018 22:34

Anyone who shrugs and thinks that’s acceptable is more than likely a CF themselves.

Exactly. Two hours extra in a hotel in exchange for both of your siblings saying they will never sit for you again is (a) stupid and (b) richly deserved. The few people chiming in to say they regard it as acceptable are the very people who take the piss.

GlitterStick · 26/12/2018 23:52

@jenniferturkington erm, nope! You just don't. SS? Nobody's said to call them, some posters might have said threaten them with it to get their arses back seeing as they just kid ditched, but no'ones actually said to seriously do it!
It is shit never really getting out much when they're one and three ( remember from when mine were one and four) you don't get many nights out like you used to.
You do NOT though take the absolute piss with your overnight childcare (a whole night away is great in itself!) knowing that you have to pick your children up by lunchtime but deciding not to as you want to stay even longer.
Do it by all means, but don't expect anyone to babysit for you again if you take that attitude.

GabsAlot · 27/12/2018 00:22

did she get yo9u any presents op?

just wondering has she always been like this-flippant about peoples feelings i mean-she doesnt sound very nice

OccasionallyIncomplet · 27/12/2018 00:45

This is BY FAR my most favourite thread on MN this Christmas. Loving the fact that Dsis has pitched up (@momomia) and tried to defend herself. She is obviously an absolute tool and STILL doesn't get it!

Thanks for all the updates - you made me night reading through all this.

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