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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Absolutely Raging at DSis

619 replies

DroningOn · 23/12/2018 10:45

DSis and her DH were at a wedding yesterday, we had their DD1 and DS3 overnight. We've got a panto today at 1:30 for me, DH and our 2 kids.

DSis knows of our plans and has just text to say that both her and DH had too much to drink last night and can't drive until at least mid afternoon. They're 90 mins away so that's today's plans fucked up. Obvs not an AIBU but I am incandescent with rage at the moment.

AAAARGH! Angry

OP posts:
KeiTeNgeNge · 26/12/2018 00:26

That’s incredibly cheeky behaviour

SubtitlesOn · 26/12/2018 01:06

Did they take their swimming costumes with them for the spa, hot tub, (maybe pool) and sauna?

Or if not, how did they use the facilities without them?

Obviously, hotel provides towels and hopefully robes/slipper combo but swimming costumes doubtful IMHO/IME anyway

Unless it was naturist hotel & spa

If they took costumes etc with them they decided to use facilities before they left home

Doobee · 26/12/2018 01:27

Well she’s completely shot herself in the foot. If she’d been back early and you’d got to your panto, then chances are you’d offer to do it again for them. There’s a motto “don’t shit where you eat” she just shat a whole load of poop. Silly girl.

IggyAce · 26/12/2018 08:14

Good luck for today, stay strong and don’t let her manipulate you.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 26/12/2018 08:15

Place marking for update!

Wateringhole · 26/12/2018 09:34

Good luck today. I hope you tear her a new one!

youarenotkiddingme · 26/12/2018 09:44

Missed this the other day but just had a read.

Shock at your sister. Well done you for calmly dealing with it.

Good luck today!

Lillyringlet · 26/12/2018 09:52

Good luck! And remember that telling your mum she needs to stop enabling her so should be fully unboard with her paying a full family theatre experience for you to get back some of that precious family time and magic. I recommend the lion King for the kids.

Santaisonthesherry · 26/12/2018 10:20

Good point about swimwear.....

FrancisCrawford · 26/12/2018 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PollyFlinderz · 26/12/2018 11:22

If they took costumes etc with them they decided to use facilities before they left home

Perhaps they used them when they arrived?

GlitterStick · 26/12/2018 12:28

If you're hungover and been drinking until 4 and still pissed enough to not be able to drive safely, the last thing you want to do is go swimming etc. You'd be in bed or maybe venturing out for a bacon butty.
Taking the absolute proverbial is what she's doing.
She obviously just wanted to stay longer, which is gobsmacking when she had overnight childcare and you had family plans in the afternoon.

Yamayo · 26/12/2018 13:34

Anyone else wants to hear what happened?

Banana8080 · 26/12/2018 13:56

Have scrolled through all 22 pages of this with jaw wide open, what a cheek! OP keep it up, don’t let them treat you like a door mat ever again (that’s not to say it’s lifelong feud of course) x

OrangeJellySpread · 26/12/2018 14:33

What a pair of arseholes. Please please charge them for your panto tix!

DragonMamma · 26/12/2018 14:40

I was excited when I saw this pop up - I was hoping the OP had updated.

I’d hate to be the sister today Grin

OrgyofSausages · 26/12/2018 15:31

C'mon OP we need an update....

choli · 26/12/2018 15:48

This is the sort of stunt my sister would pull while sniggering at me behind my back for falling for it. I no longer do her favours.

CoraPirbright · 26/12/2018 15:49

What’s the betting that the sister will be outraged and offended at the OP calling her out on her cheeky fuckery?!

YouTheCat · 26/12/2018 16:15

I'm betting the sister doesn't turn up at the parents' today.

mbosnz · 26/12/2018 16:45

I hope you managed to keep it together for boxing day - you sound like the kind of person that would, OP! No point in allowing your sister's appallingly immature and self centred behaviour to ruin yet another family gathering for you and yours, and extended family.

When I make a commitment to look after other peoples' children, I'm making a commitment to look after them until the time that I have said they need to pick them up by - family or otherwise. Any time after that, and they're taking the piss, and there's no excuses. I say that as a person who didn't have a night away from my kids until they were 7 and 9. I didn't have the privilege of family close by who could or would take them for the night. My choice to have kids, my responsibility to look after them. I've had someone do something very similar to me with an older child, leaving that child with me well past the time agreed for collection, and the child was confused and worried - and embarrassed, because it had happened before, and sometimes people are a little overt in their frustration and anger at being put in that situation. (I tried not to be - it wasn't the child's fault).

I really hope, OP, that you very, very, quietly, (that's always even scarier than shouting), make it very clear to your sister just how much her selfishness disrupted your families very carefully made, carefully earned and paid for, and much look forward to very special plans. I hope that you make it very clear to her that her short-sightedness (and cowardice) has cost her a very valuable resource, in terms of support and childcare in the future, because 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me'.

And if she did have the temerity to approach you for childcare for the wedding in Ireland, I hope you'd just look at her, and laugh, and say, 'you're kidding right? Hang on, you're NOT kidding?! OMG, you might have that bloody short a memory sis', but I sure as hell don't - not going to happen, not now, not ever. I did tell you, remember? Actions, consequences m'dear. You need to learn that, so you can teach your kids a little bit earlier in life than you seem to have learned it!'

ktp100 · 26/12/2018 17:50

I do hope you showed your sister this thread today, OP!

DroningOn · 26/12/2018 18:02

Spoke to DSis alone in the dining room out of earshot of everyone else. Apparently she'd forgotten about our panto plans when they decided at 9pm to get hammered and stay longer at the hotel.

She was apologetic but in a not sounding sorry way. "I'm sorry our last minute change of plans didn't suit you" which I don't think is an actual apology - told her as much and got a glazed look.

Told her we love having her kids and enjoy seeing them but I won't ever take them overnight again. Told her I was really annoyed at the apparent premeditation of it all and unless she was smashed already at 9pm there's no way she'd forgotten about our plans, it was one of the last things I'd said to her before she left only 12 hours previously.

Reiterated that were not taking the kids overnight for the Ireland wedding in the summer. "OK I'll just ask John and Sue" (my DBro and SIL *names changed) to which Sue who was listening in from the kitchen wandered in and blankly said you can ask but the answer will be no, you'll not have the chance to take the piss out of us like that"

After a bit of could shouldering and awkwardness it all ended fine, the kids all had a nice day and now that it's all out in the air and we've all had our say I expect it will probably never be mentioned again (in anger at least).

Separately my DH, DBro and BiL were talking about it and BiL was far more apologetic and sincere about it all saying that it was entirely their fault, totally unacceptable and he fully understands our upset and reluctance to be in that position again.

OP posts:
DroningOn · 26/12/2018 18:02

Sorry for the delay in posting an update too!

OP posts:
highheelsandbobblehats · 26/12/2018 18:05

Glad that your BIL at least seems to have taken responsibility for it. Your sister sounds a delight. How entitled to just shrug and say 'I'll ask DBro'. Glad his wife put her in her place.

Also, good on you for having it out with her!!

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