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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely Raging at DSis

619 replies

DroningOn · 23/12/2018 10:45

DSis and her DH were at a wedding yesterday, we had their DD1 and DS3 overnight. We've got a panto today at 1:30 for me, DH and our 2 kids.

DSis knows of our plans and has just text to say that both her and DH had too much to drink last night and can't drive until at least mid afternoon. They're 90 mins away so that's today's plans fucked up. Obvs not an AIBU but I am incandescent with rage at the moment.

AAAARGH! Angry

OP posts:
IDontHaveTimeForFoolishness · 24/12/2018 19:33

Well done OP. Please stick to what you've said and let us know how boxing day goes Flowers

pantyclaws · 24/12/2018 19:39

Unknown did you read the cancel the cheque thread? Your blood pressure must have been through the roof.

I've had zero child free nights with DH. DC1 is 6.

If a friend or relative offered to have mine overnight, no way would I jeopardize that or take it for granted. Your DSis is an epic piss taker.

BeatriceBee · 24/12/2018 19:48

Why do some people think it's acceptable to take family members for granted. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour!

acegod · 24/12/2018 19:58

its xmas you should have expected mess ups.

scaryteacher · 24/12/2018 20:01

its xmas you should have expected mess ups. Why? My mental capacity doesn't decrease because it's Christmas...why should the OP be inconvenienced? It's easy to decide who isn't going to drink, or stop at a reasonable time if you have to drive the next day.

OJZJ · 24/12/2018 20:03

DroningOn could you please update us on Boxing day and again in June-after you have told her at very short notice that you won't be having the kids overnight or at all.
I also hope you have written out or given her a copy of the panto bill so she can reimburse you.

Hodge00079 · 24/12/2018 20:03

It wouldn’t be ok if it just happened. The fact it seems pre planned is terrible. Didn’t even have the bottle to face OP.

Shows no respect for OP, OH or kids. Spoilt Christmas plans.

I would say there is no way looking after kids again. Especially for the wedding. I wouldn’t sink to the level of saying you will but then back out. Just as bad as them and they will be telling everyone you are the bad guys.

Soubriquet · 24/12/2018 20:12

I think you ended up going the right thing OP

Stay firm on the never babysitting again though. Otherwise you may end up giving an each and being taking for 10 miles

coconutpie · 24/12/2018 20:46

Never babysit again, not even for 5 minutes. I would have told one of them to get a taxi over so that they could look after their own DC while you went to the panto. They are a selfish pack of bastards ruining your family plans. Good luck on Boxing Day.

BlackeyedGruesome · 24/12/2018 20:49

looking forward to the post boxing day update.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 24/12/2018 21:05

Don't have their DC in June, they probably won't come back from Ireland until their DC have finished primary school. Grin

Willow2017 · 24/12/2018 21:51

Its xmas you should have expected mess ups.

Wtaf?
Its xmas and op had Xmas plans with her family.
Sis had her night out at a wedding nothing to do with Xmas but decided getting hammered and booking extras for her and bil were more important than .op and her families plans.
Rtt sis has form.for putting herself first its pathetic for grown adults to dump thier kids on someone else and take the piss out of them doing you a favour.

Xmas is no excuse for cferry.

Touchmybum · 24/12/2018 22:08

Am I the only one who would be glad of a free pass not to have to go to the (awful!) panto....?!

RedTulip86 · 24/12/2018 22:38

Over 6 years of having kids and I’ve had one childless night whenMIL babysat and one evening when my friend did it. Zero childfree time for 5 years and the hangover from hell plus kids don’t go well.
I’m afraid parenting comes with responsibilities.
OP, your sister is a cheeky cow, she drliberately sabotaged your family time at panto.
Please give her substantial notice re iIreland wedding in July otherwise brass neck of your sister will dump them on your doorstep as she “needs to go, deserves a break and there’s nobody else to look after the kids”.

Phrase I adopted from MN “ your lack of planning is not my emergency”

Have a nice Christmas :)

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 24/12/2018 22:44

Ok. The melodrama is beyond now.
Yes it's completely flicking annoying being left with other peoples kids because they can't be arsed. Yes it's rude that plans were disrupted.

However.,, they were at a spa hotel for a chuffing wedding, it is not outrageous that they enjoy said spa hotel or having swimming things with them.
My money was on the wedding arrangements being in place before the panto. So maybe a nicer Christmas present would have been for a late pick up anyway so they could have enjoyed a proper night away.
Yes maybe CF's given the restrictions but then the Op now has the luxury of never having to do a babysit again.
Not worth the angst on here surely.

Willow2017 · 24/12/2018 23:01

Shewore
Did you miss the bit where fsis made the conscious decision at 9pm at night to book the spa day and then keep drinking till 4am?

That's not 'enjoying the hotel' tjays taking the p.

Why the fuck should ops family go without thier xmas treat so her sister can get so.pissed she cant drive back for 1pm in the afternoon?

FIunnily enough have never thought a 'proper night out' meant drinking till 4am and letting people down next day who were doing me a massive favour.

Larrythecat · 24/12/2018 23:06

Seriously, sheworevelvet? I don't do anything with the kids during the year, Christmas is the only time when we all have holidays at the same time. I haven't booked panto, but I've booked breakfast with santa and I'd be angry if I had done a favour babysitting the day before and I had to cancel my very special family day, just so my sister can have a drunken night. If my sister was expecting this to happen, she should have arranged a proper overnight sitter or ask someone else who hasn't got plans the following day. It's very inconsiderate and bad manners if the OP didn't have anything planned, but with plans, tickets and a family get-together, it's really beyond CFuckery. Sister should have made OP aware way earlier that they wouldn't go back by pick up, at the very least. Plans could have been made so maybe OP could have booked a sitter/other relative at her house to look after the children for the three hours that might take the panto. The fact that Sis didn't stop drinking and thought about OP missing the panto, means that at some point in the night she thought "oh, well, she will get over it" and continued to drink. If one of them had been ok to drive, they could have arranged to pick up the kids whilst the other slept it off in the car and back home. They completely ignored and overlooked OP's plans. It's not like there are pantomimes all year round, or that kids that age will be interested in going with the parents for much longer, or that there are plenty of tickets available. It is a big inconvenience, in my opinion.

Sexnotgender · 24/12/2018 23:09

Has the sister found the thread...

MadameButterface · 24/12/2018 23:09

“People who don't RTFT and then come on with such a brilliant idea that can't possibly have been mentioned in the days since the situation occurred are arseholes IMO. I'd give 48 it bans for it.”

You are my hero for this comment, i’m so with you.

Lillyringlet · 24/12/2018 23:18

Boxing day the conversation needs to start as follows "why did, we have decided upon the replacement family theatre trip that you ruined with your ''accidental'' over drinking - we want tickets, travel and food to see the west end show of x. The kids are so excited so let's go book it now so that I can confirm the dates and everything as the kids, myself and hubby were so upset about our precious family Christmas time together that can never be returned being destroyed by thoughtless behaviour that I'm sure that this will help in some way to help restore some of it... So where is your credit card? What computer should we book this on? "

She is a cf so keep us posted. Tell your mum that this is what is expected of her too and how enabling her to do this again is just going to make her worse and hurt more people causing future issues rather than just" settling" a current one.

Or get your mum to do this whole thing.

She wants peace after all... She can make it clear that your dsis will be doing this to keep the peace.

Agree that future baby sitting is not an option but get her to buy you the tickets first. And booked in your name but only paid by her so she can't steal them away

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 24/12/2018 23:49

I'm not disagreeing she took the piss.
I disagree with the outrage.
They were invited to a wedding that involved a stay at a spa hotel. They have toddlers. To me, that says " make the most of it".I'm still betting the wedding was booked in before the panto.
They were a bit pissed at 9pm and thought having to leave at 10.00am or whatever was too early. Some hotels are pretty amazing which you only appreciate once there.
Obviously the Op can book the panto for whenever. However booking for the day the day you are babysitting in is always more fraught.than a day with nothing booked in.Lots of stuff apart from CFery might happen. Why not just say " your Christmas present is the overnight stay, knock yourself out".

ThanosSavedMe · 25/12/2018 00:09

They might not have asked the op to do an overnight babysit until after the panto was booked.

itswinetime · 25/12/2018 00:22

SheWoreBlueVelvet. Regardless of what was booked when, the sister agreed to an early pick up. She and husband changed their minds at 9pm the circumstances are irrelevant at this point the least they should of done is warn the op. That way she would have had a chance to see if mum/brother or someone was able to help with the kids. It is very rude to just expect someone else to keep your children beyond the agreed time without asking. You wouldn't do it to a paid sitter so why is it ok when someone is doing you a favour?

I do agree some of the response are extreme but none of them were the op she seems very sensible. Letting her sister know she's upset and refuse overnight baby sitting again that is an appropriate response to me

tablelegs · 25/12/2018 00:25

My sisters a cunt too OP.

Good luck for Boxing Day.

shiningstar2 · 25/12/2018 00:56

Sheworebluevelvet You say that if you have toddlers and you are at a wedding overnight in a hotel without them to you that says 'make the most of it'. Surely on this occasion the only reason the sister and bil could stay over at all was because of her sisters generous offer to babysit.

The op and her husband, who maybe both work and have limited time with their own children, tried to make the most of their Christmas break with their children. To do this they didn't have to put anybody out. They just needed the op's sister to return at the agreed time, grateful to her sister for this rare opportunity to stay out without kids.

You say that maybe the wedding plans were likely first, but even if they were, the sister has no right to ride roughshod over the op's own plans. It is nice to get away and stay longer at a hotel when you have toddlers, but not at the expense of the plans of the person who made it possible for her to get away in the first place. It is equally likely that the op had already made her plans, bought tickets ext, but when confronted with a desperate sister, agreed to have the kids with the proviso that she made sure she was back in time. It's not the desire to stay later at the hotel that most posters find incomprehensible, its the attitude that the plans of the people doing the favour are less important than the sister's desire for a longer break.

It's never cool to be a user.

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