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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely Raging at DSis

619 replies

DroningOn · 23/12/2018 10:45

DSis and her DH were at a wedding yesterday, we had their DD1 and DS3 overnight. We've got a panto today at 1:30 for me, DH and our 2 kids.

DSis knows of our plans and has just text to say that both her and DH had too much to drink last night and can't drive until at least mid afternoon. They're 90 mins away so that's today's plans fucked up. Obvs not an AIBU but I am incandescent with rage at the moment.

AAAARGH! Angry

OP posts:
momomia · 26/12/2018 18:05

I really don't see the big deal at all. Children are hard work and a relaxing time with your partner is hard to come by. Ok you missed the panto and they were a bit cheeky but I wouldn't be mad at my sister for this. I'd hope they'd had fun and felt happy. Seems weird to see so many people angry about something which to me seems trivial - a few extra hours of babysitting for my family

BlueSuffragette · 26/12/2018 18:06

Glad you had your say with your sister. Good that she knows you and your SIL won't give her the chance to take the piss again.

RandomMess · 26/12/2018 18:07

Blimey your sister is a Teflon Coates CF indeed with a non-apology!!!

Well done for speaking to her about it.

BreakWindandFire · 26/12/2018 18:09

I take it that reimbursing you for the unused ticket wasn't mentioned?

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2018 18:12

good on you and good on your other SiL.

Santaisonthesherry · 26/12/2018 18:14

Sounds like your dsis will be signing up to a babysitting service in 2019!!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 26/12/2018 18:14

Well done op. To be honest I’d have gone for not looking after the kids full stop (just in case it turns into an overnight thing...) especially after her non apology

And also well done for not losing it. She’s a right charmer isn’t she? Oh you can’t do it - no problem I’ll ask someone else. Talk about entitled!!

Spread the word. Wouldn’t like to be the person they decide is going to have the honour of looking after their little ones.

HardyforTom · 26/12/2018 18:14

I can't believe some people can act so entitled. I love that you SIL put a stop to any idea she might have had of asking them to babysit. I admire your control OP. You've handled this really well.

mbosnz · 26/12/2018 18:15

Yes, children are hard work. Hard work that we voluntarily choose to take on. We don't get to dump and run when we find the going a bit hard or want to not have for a weekend. If you are of that kind of mind, for God's sake, don't get a kitten, let alone have a kid.

I would be very upset if my precious special occasion with my family had been so thoughtlessly and selfishly ruined by my sister not wanting to be a Mum for a few more lazy drunken hours. Let alone the poor wee one year old and three year old - that's a long time for some kids to be away from Mum and Dad, and their home and their routine, even if they are with good, solid, responsible family!

Your BIL obviously has a bit more nowse than your sister. Don't be taken in by it.

LOL, your sister is running through her family's goodwill at the rate of knots. Wonder how things are going with the In-laws?

Original poster
DroningOn · 26/12/2018 18:17

Yeah, think her in-laws will pick up the overnight duties for Ireland.

OP posts:
GlitterStick · 26/12/2018 18:18

@momomia - pantomimes for a family can cost a fortune, depending on which one you go to you're looking at least a hundred quid.
Plus if it's your family treat, it's crap if you suddenly can't go because someone has decided to take advantage of your overnight babysitting.
Was a horrible thing to do, totally selfish especially when Op says that one of the last things she said was don't forget the pantomime tomorrow afternoon and they decided to totally ignore that.

Molakai · 26/12/2018 18:19

Seems weird to see so many people angry about something which to me seems trivial - a few extra hours of babysitting for my family

But momomia the issue is that the sister took those few extra hours babysitting without asking and without consideration for the consequences to the OP.

Just as if the sis had needed some money, but instead of asking, she helped herself to cash from the OP's purse. Would that be ok in your book too? It's only £50 - surely it's no big deal to give family £50 if they need it ....

Knittedfairies · 26/12/2018 18:19

I’m pleased you were able to tell her face-to-face that her selfishness caused you to miss spending time with your own children; too often this sort of thing doesn’t get said and is just bubbling under the surface. Lesson learned OP, lesson learned..

Original poster
DroningOn · 26/12/2018 18:20

Momomia - DSis is that you?

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 26/12/2018 18:20

momomia If you can’t see the problem, when it has been explain numerous times, then I’m afaraid to say you’re an idiot.

Clutterbugsmum · 26/12/2018 18:20

I'm still not convinced that your sister convinced your BIL that you were happy for them to stay longer at the hotel and that is why he is more upset then she is.

I also think she is still convinced that you will change you mind before June and still look after the children, as she will swear black was white that she will be back on time.

Clutterbugsmum · 26/12/2018 18:22

Sorry meant to add perhaps you and your DB can arrange a weekend away for your families that weekend in June.

Original poster
DroningOn · 26/12/2018 18:24

clutterbugsmum

My DH has the same suspicion - that DSis said I'd OK'd the change of plans and he only found out after the fact.

He's nice but a bit of a wet blanket, she definitely wears the trousers in the house.

OP posts:
NewPapaGuinea · 26/12/2018 18:27

Momomia, the people pleasing doormat. Just because you don’t mind being walked over doesn’t mean others should put up with it.

FuzzyCustard · 26/12/2018 18:28

Wasn't there any talk of recompense for your inconvenience and upset? I'd expect BIL at least to be offering something (further panto tickets/day out for your family for example) to attempt to make up.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/12/2018 18:37

Seems weird to see so many people angry about something which to me seems trivial - a few extra hours of babysitting for my family

I looked at this bit of Momomia's post and wonder if she hasn't realised that it could be read to say that her family looks after her children when she takes the piss and should be happy about it.

Maybe its just me.

Cagliostro · 26/12/2018 18:53

Are they not paying for your wasted ticket as an absolute minimum?

thebaronetofcockburn · 26/12/2018 19:00

Your BIL just trying to keep you sweet so they can try to guilt trip you closer to the Ireland wedding. 'But we have no one to leave them with!' 'Now we can't go! Waaa!' You just stick to the plan. 'I told you no back in December. We can't do it. We have other commitments now.' No suggestions of alternatives, they can puzzle that out themselves or backing down to their 'but already both RSVP'd!' 'Wow, that was pretty rude considering you knew you had no childcare. What a pity!'

Don't indulge her anymore. As my father always used to tell us, 'If you want an easy life, don't have kids!'

Subtlecheese · 26/12/2018 19:16

It's not trivial. They made a decision at 9pm to get drunk rather than spend time with their children, knowing that would prevent someone else from doing an activity with their children. They then kept that to themselves until it wasn't possible for them to be forced into looking after their own children.
But then the op mentions a glazed expression during the conversatile and that the sis had to be dropped home. Sounds like the sis has a very real problem. Detached from caring, drinking heavily, making poor decisions, distant etc

Handprints2018 · 26/12/2018 19:37

Good he apologised but her attitude would have me refusing point blank any babysitting.

Did you give them their gifts?

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