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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
abacucat · 23/12/2018 21:28

Peng Nope not at all. This is not about being a "cool wife".

F1ame · 23/12/2018 21:28

Peng - being a stripper may well be what YOU WANT, but it’s disingenuous to try and argue your choice is liberating for women as a social group.

As I said, when there are equal numbers if male and female strip clubs, I will feel differently. But that won’t happen. When women sexually exploit and rape men as much as men do women, I may feel differently. But that won’t happen either.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 21:29

Yep because that is just the same. Hmm

abacucat · 23/12/2018 21:29

sandbox Yes because mannequins are exactly the same as real women. And I would protest if actual women were paid to stand in shop windows in lingerie.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 21:30

The female stripper holds all the power, the man can look but not touch and he has to pay for the privilege and it’s £20+ for 3 minutes.
Or does the stripper having dominance, the choice to say no or stop whenever and charging for it not fit your pseudo feminist bullshit?

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 21:30

I suspect women who dont like their dh/dp's looking at images of naked women have some trust issues they need to work out

Laughable.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 21:31

The pictures of real women are ok then. So men can look at models in lingerie as long as it’s not in real life. Right.

abacucat · 23/12/2018 21:33

Of course the woman holds all the power. She can decide exactly what she wears and does.

And come on, even you know that is shit. The woman wears what is prescribed that women stripping wear, and moves and behaves in prescribed ways. And if she doesn't, she wont get paid.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 21:33

Most strip clubs have ladies night. Male strippers are groped, laughed at and treated like meat.
Female strippers can’t be touched, have security looking out for them and are generally complimented and bought drinks.

abacucat · 23/12/2018 21:34

sandbox Photos of women in lingerie are made for women to choose and buy lingerie, NOT for men to wank over. They are not comparable.

F1ame · 23/12/2018 21:35

Sand - you may feel as if your “dominant” as you say, but in the mind of the man you’re anything but. He’s getting off on the power dynamic and the fact he can “buy” you for however many minutes. This is the mindset you’re feeding. And it’s damaging to women in a wider societal level.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 21:35

That’s how I know you have no experience aba.
Before twelve is long outfit and after twelve can be short if you want.
You dance however you want as long as you don’t touch or grind.
The only rule I’ve ever come across is no glitter in some clubs.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 21:35

But he can’t because I can say no, I can stop the dance and keep the money if he says anything.

starcrossedseahorse · 23/12/2018 21:35

The knots that some women will tie themselves in to justify their vile husbands' use of strippers and porn and maybe even prostitutes.

You set the bar so very low.

Imissgmichael · 23/12/2018 21:36

“Imissmichael - have you tried pole dancing love?!?!?!”

I don’t understand the relevance of your question and I’m not your love.

I wouldnt demean myself by being a wank machine for any amount of money or for any stranger (male, female or couple), to be part of their sexual fantasies.

PengAly · 23/12/2018 21:38

@Sandbox i wouldnt bother with them, they clearly have tunnel vision on only the assumptions they are making. I think you make sime reslly great points, its a shame its wasted on here.

PengAly · 23/12/2018 21:38

Sorry for typos! Meant some really*

abacucat · 23/12/2018 21:39

sandbox Nope I do know this business. And you know yourself that you do not have total free choice over what you wear. Come on be honest. I can't work in a strip club in bovver boots, jeans and a t shirt and not take anything off.
And the truth is that anyone working in a strip club is "interviewed" first.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 21:42

Thanks Peng it was an amazing job and time in my life, I miss it a lot and I know a lot of strippers who feel the same, those I know in porn and prostitution are happy too. It’s a shame that feminism doesn’t mean supporting women and their choices rather than women trying to make other women fit into the box of what they think is ‘right’ screams of 1950s patriarchy of what a woman should be. I think women should make their own choices and respect others choices.

PengAly · 23/12/2018 21:43

@starcrossedseahorse prostitutes are illegal and are not the same as strippers and porn. Sleeping with a proatitue is very obviously cheating. You clearly have a big misunderstanding of these industries

F1ame · 23/12/2018 21:43

No woman wants to feel exploited or like a piece of meat, so the only way to enjoy stripping is when total cognitive dissonance has taken place - that you are the one actually with the power. It’s a survival strategy in that kind if work. You have to force yourself to believe it or how could you do it?

I have no problem with women’s sexuality, nakedness, lingerie or anything. It’s the power dynamic in stripping that I have the issue with.

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 21:44

You could but you wouldn’t make any money. Yes some have interviews, some don’t. If you don’t want to wear a nice dress and dance you don’t want the job anyway so it’s pointless saying that

PengAly · 23/12/2018 21:45

Well said Sandbox, happy to hear your positive experience! Definently quite a few people on here stuck in the 1950s with their boxes that women should fit in. Sadly these people claim to understand feminism

Sandbox · 23/12/2018 21:46

Urgh that’s ridiculous. Honestly you should all get out more and lighten up, go and talk to the many happy, wealthy strippers out there, open your eyes and stop clutching the pearls feeling offended on behalf of women who chose their path and are bloody happy with it

F1ame · 23/12/2018 21:47

Oh give over with the 1950s - yawn!

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