Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider going to a strip club cheating?

437 replies

DonaldDucksTowel · 23/12/2018 09:56

DP went out last night and was home much earlier than I was expecting, I asked him why and he said everyone had gone to a strip club so he got his kebab and came home

As the conversation went on he basically expected me to be very grateful that he didn’t go and came home early instead Hmm so I said “I’m supposed to be super grateful that you didn’t cheat on me, pay for the privilege and exploit a load of vulnerable women in the process? Get a fucking grip!” And basically we got into a bit of a ‘stripclubs aren’t cheating, yes they are’ back and forth for a while

I don’t understand how having a naked woman rub herself all over you would ever not be cheating - and even worse in a strip club than if you were just at a party because you’re actually paying for it! If it was a prostitute it’d be cheating so why not a stripper?!

He thinks I’m being dramatic Hmm
Do you consider going to a strip club cheating?

OP posts:
abacucat · 23/12/2018 22:20

And I know many women who have stripped in strip clubs or been prostituted, a number say if anyone asked them in a club they would say it was their choice and they just loved the job. They also say it was lies.

Imissgmichael · 23/12/2018 22:22

Sorry F1ame just read your recent posts. I thought the 1850s post was directed at me and you were supporting stripping. My bad (as my kids would say).

Imissgmichael · 23/12/2018 22:24

1950s not 1850s.

Although women stripping for others sexual gratification has been going on for centuries. Hardly ground breaking and forward thinking is it.

F1ame · 23/12/2018 22:31

I’m sure all the women who enter “Miss World” or who put their daughters forward for child beauty pageants think they’re all so “forward thinking” and liberated as well. Even though most of us have woken up to this bollocks by now and it’s been largely banned.

Imissgmichael · 23/12/2018 22:40

Your right F1ame.

It seems to me that some people think women being sexually exploited is ok and should be something that shouldn’t be stamped out so dress it up as empowering.

Someone on here actually questioned whether I should call myself a feminist and what the hell was their personal pole dancing query about. They’re very sickenly transparent.

abacucat · 23/12/2018 22:52

The truth is NOBODY thinks it is just another job. If they did, they would think it is fine for strip clubs to talk to local schoolgirls at school assemblies about getting a job there for a "career", for school career officers to say it is a suitable career choice for schoolgirls, and for unemployed women to be made to take jobs in strip clubs.
The reason people don't support this is that in their hearts they know it is very different from an acting, banking or local government career.

SezziBaybee · 23/12/2018 23:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

AnonymousAgain · 23/12/2018 23:13

Me and DH agree that visiting a strip club is fine, but private dances or touching would be cheating unless there was prior consent. To be honest, he isn't keen on them, I'm the one who asks to go on occasion.

So YANBU/YABU to me, personally, depending on if it was just a visit with the lads, or having a private dance. One, to me, would be fine. The other would not.

Beautyandthe · 23/12/2018 23:15

Men don't consider it to be cheating. Neither do I , although I do find it quite wrong that these places even exist nowadays. It's natural that men want to see women naked and not just their wife.
Wouldn't be happy with my DH going to a strip club at all. However I do see why they want to go (the boobies) and as long as no extras, it's not cheating. Texts from women on DH phone, such as the thread earlier about the work colleague texting husband inappropriately would upset me much much more !!

Imissgmichael · 23/12/2018 23:21

Sezzi it would be a deal breaker for me.

Fortunately my DH thinks strip clubs have no place in modern society as he understands women aren’t objects. I wouldn’t have married him otherwise if he thought otherwise.

Strongmummy · 23/12/2018 23:22

@imissgmichael - I don’t understand “it doesn’t work”. You’re insulting women who are strippers by obnoxiously calling them wank machines. Ok to not support what they do, but to insult them is awful. At least a Pp made the point that she hated the men paying for dances and was respectful to the women stripping.

abacucat · 23/12/2018 23:28

Except strong she did not do that at all. You are either misreading or being totally disingenuous.

Strongmummy · 23/12/2018 23:30

“I wouldn’t demean myself by becoming a wank machine...” - sorry, how have I misunderstood ?

Jenala · 23/12/2018 23:32

A friend of mine is in a relationship with a stripper. Is she cheating on him every time she goes to work? Or course yabu and doubly so to be so weird with him when all he did was think nope not for me and come home.

Worsethingshappen · 23/12/2018 23:36

But strippers are just paid to arouse men/women and fuel their fantasies. They are essentially wank machines surely? I really can’t see what else they bring to society. Whether they can see it themselves or not, these women are victims. Completely sucked into becoming what “men” want for a primative passing cheap thrill. It’s just so sad.

Strongmummy · 23/12/2018 23:42

They are paid to dance and elicit a response. That response is sexual. You have chosen to degrade and demean THEM by calling them wank machines. I thought you were supposed to support these victims 🙄

pouraglasshalffull · 23/12/2018 23:44

Not cheating.

pouraglasshalffull · 23/12/2018 23:46

I'll be very surprised if your DH didn't go to the strip club. Probably went and lied to you knowing how pissed off you'd be- and therein lies the problem. He's now probably lying because you will kick off over something tiny.

A strip club is not cheating

Strongmummy · 23/12/2018 23:50

@worsethings, also I write erotica and have had many men and women tell me how much they’ve enjoyed my work. Therefore I too am a wank machine

GlitterStick · 24/12/2018 00:21

Come on be honest. I can't work in a strip club in bovver boots, jeans and a t shirt and not take anything off

Well, surely that's down to uniform and standard code of dress that you get at any work place?
Just like you wouldn't turn up on a construction site scantily clad in skimpy knickers and stockings or whatever, you wouldn't turn up at a strip club in bovver boots and and jeans.
You dress for where you work.

abacucat · 24/12/2018 00:24

glitter My comment was in response to being told the women stripping decided everything. That is just so patently untrue.

canigetaliein · 24/12/2018 00:31

I’m not too fussed about DH being in a strip club but I would not be happy about a private dance. I don’t understand how it’s not cheating tbh as in any other situation that didn’t involve money it probably would be classed as cheating? I also don’t buy into the narrative that men are more visual, I very much enjoy looking at attractive men.

Imissgmichael · 24/12/2018 00:46

Strong you are deliberately twisting my words. I have every sympathy for female victims of men who use them as objects to satiate their sexual urges. Does not alter the fact that they are being used as wank machines though does it. Put another way, if they weren’t using vulnerable women as wank machines then those women wouldn't be victims would they.

As for the posters that say they are or have been strippers and find it empowering, or some other BS, well yep you have demeaned yourself even if you don’t accept it.

You can’t have it both ways. Make your mind up.

newmum120 · 24/12/2018 00:53

This is hilarious! This app is meant for women to talk and get advice and opinions on things and on so many of these threads all I see is women bitching, being rude and nasty to other mums/women for the silliest things!

I think if you don't want you man going to a strip club then that's your business
If your happy with it then good for you
Why does it have to be an argument if people have different opinions?

iLoveFoood · 24/12/2018 00:57

You said is visiting a strip club cheating? No, walking into a premises is not cheating.

A naked woman rubbing herself on you yes that is cheating, but that's not what you asked pet, is it? SmileHmm