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Original poster

To give my son a potato for Christmas?

425 replies

eefa658 · 22/12/2018 17:38

Have lurked for about a year but finally made an account to ask this as I've had mixed reactions from friends and my DM...

DS 3 is a biter. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. Final straw was the other day when he tried to bite his 3 month old sister (he didn't manage to as I grabbed him) I had warned him last time he bit me that Santa would see and for every time he bit anybody from now on Santa would replace a present with a potato. He didn't listen, and tried to bite DD. I've told him that Santa has seen and one of his presents is now a potato.

I HATE not following through on punishments. I'm inclined just to wrap up a potato and chuck it in his stocking and then when he opens it on Christmas Day remind him that he was warned. I'm not going to throw away any of his presents, so he's not actually going to miss out he will just think he has.

DM and a few friends think I'm horrible. DH, DF and a few other friends think it's a great idea.

WIBU to do this? I'm running out of ideas to get him to stop and I really am losing the will to live over it. Please feel free to also offer tips on how you stopped your child biting...

OP posts:
Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 18:35

@PoutySprout it's definitely got worse since DD was born but it didn't start when she was born. We have made sure that DS still gets plenty of one on one with both of since she was born, but obviously when DH is at work he doesn't get as much attention which I think is probably a large part of it. I feel like over the last 3 months I have tried everything and I'm just at the end of my tether now

OP posts:
MumW · 22/12/2018 18:36

I think follow through. If he doesn't remember, you can say, oh that must've been the time you bit DSis.

In the future, you'll be able to say "Remember when you were 3 and Santa gave you a potato because you were naughty."

WendyCope · 22/12/2018 18:36

We do it on the continent with coal, always!

Vegilante · 22/12/2018 18:39

OP, my experience is that young kids who bite love chew toys - though their parents might be offended.

Happy holidays!

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 18:39

@WendyCope I would have gone with coal but I couldn't cope with the mess. And if he decided to keep the coal as a pet I would be fucked Grin

OP posts:
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 22/12/2018 18:39

I wouldn't get Santa to do your dirty work tbh
(though I understand the frustrations of trying to get a kid to stop a behaviour)

Could also put a dampener on Xmas for you all. He'll either be upset, or be oblivious, in which case it will either be pointless, or you will feel you have to explain, which will be rotten.

Kismetjayn · 22/12/2018 18:40

Get him the chew toy! Or teething rings better as the plastic in pet ones isn't always safe as not up to child safety standards.

Redirecting his bitey urges probably easier than the abstract concepts about right and wrong.

By all means wrap the potato though

SnapAndFartAllDayLong · 22/12/2018 18:41

Fab idea!! Think I may do the same for my 4 year old Xmas Grin

ShawshanksRedemption · 22/12/2018 18:41

I also think you should look at WHY he is biting @eefa658.

From Mumsnet:

"Experts believe toddlers bite out of fear or frustration. This can coincide with illness or disruption in their lives, anything that alters their routine, and they are also prone to bite if they're missing out on contact time with you. Children might bite when they're over-excited or it could be a way of lashing out, letting another child know they're too close to them.

Some children bite simply because they are teething. Others bite their siblings which can be distressing for you. The birth of another baby is a major upheaval in the life of a child and biting is common among children who suddenly find themselves sharing their parents' attention for the first time."
www.mumsnet.com/toddlers/biting

Touchmybum · 22/12/2018 18:43

I think you're nuts. All kids stop biting in the end without such extreme behaviour on the part of the parents! Poor baby.

KurriKurri · 22/12/2018 18:43

He is only 3 - punishments or consequences removed from the event are not effective, he will be confused as the potato won't be linked to the biting.

Yes biting is very frustrating, but quite common in children this age. A sudden sharp show of disapproval at the moment he does it 'No, you mustn't bite' said firmly and remove him physically from the vicinity.

if you do a potato then on Christmas day you are going to have alittle boy who is going to be confused, so you are going to have to bring up something he did a little while ago and explain a punishment that relates to a past event. Then there will most likely be tears on Christmas Day for a crime he did not commit on Christmas Day.

Discipline as you think fit for biting, but do it at the time. And I think it is always bad to use a one off special occasion like Christmas or birthday for punishment, it is a cop out. Do what you would do if he did his biting in June.

Kittykat93 · 22/12/2018 18:43

Do you really want to see your three year old crying on Christmas Day? Sorry op if he was older I'd say go for it but he's three and won't understand Sad I hope you don't do it.

Bleurgh0 · 22/12/2018 18:43

Why don't you wrap a potato up tonight and then in the morning 'find' it with a note from Santa saying that he'd heard he'd been biting and he's getting a potato present right now to remind him not to do it. That way it's a bit more immediate and you don't ruin Christmas.

This is what I was going to say. It means you've followed through, but you've made it more immediate and you run less risk of him bring upset on Christmas Day.

Notatallobvious · 22/12/2018 18:43

I would put several potatoes in! Then do as a PP suggested and do a star chart for a few weeks...at the end of each week swap a potato for a small inexpensive gift. Maybe after a few weeks the biting habit might be broken!

roundaboutthetown · 22/12/2018 18:44

I'm not seing what is hugely traumatic about getting lots of presents AND a potato.

cestlavielife · 22/12/2018 18:45

Get the potato out now and give to him to bite on every time he bites and immediately.
As was said
deferred punishments are not effective. Consequences need to be immediate

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 18:45

@roundaboutthetown I am having visions of him sobbing to a psychiatrist about the time he got £200 worth of presents and a potato. The TRAUMA!

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 22/12/2018 18:46

@roundaboutthetown

It's not traumatic, but for a three year old it's going to really upset him on Christmas morning and he probably won't remember or understand why he's got it.

Armadillostoes · 22/12/2018 18:47

Actually I don't think that FFS is being extreme. Some of the posters supporting the OP's suggestion either haven't spotted her son's age or haven't got a clue about child development. He is a toddler still and won't make an adequate connection between misbehaviour and consequences days later. It also sends messages that some mistakes are irredeemable ans you will be potentially punished for past mistakes later down the track when you are being good. The adult world can work like that, but it isn't ideal for a 3 year old. The whole thing is vindictive, won't help him to learn and may be really damaging. Don't do it OP.

Starburst8 · 22/12/2018 18:50

@eefa658 I'd do it. Actions have consequences after all. But maybe there's an underlining issue to the biting? For long term I'd try to find out why he's biting but for the short term it's worth showing that biting is wrong and he has been warned. I don't think it'll damage him too much.

Applesandpears23 · 22/12/2018 18:50

You could leave out a potato tomorrow morning as a warning.

Armadillostoes · 22/12/2018 18:51

OP-At three he won't have a clue about the monetary value of presents. He will though get the .message that he hasn't been "good enough". Not a good plan.

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 18:51

@Armadillostoes I don't want him to think that mistakes are irredeemable - hence why I will be giving him the opportunity to earn back the gift after Christmas. He's not just turned three, he is four at the end of January! If I had thought this would leave my son with irreversible psychological scars then of course I wouldn't consider it - he's a very robust child! Knowing him he will either adopt it as a pet or try to eat it. I'm just conscious of him hearing a warning, seeing it not being followed through with and then getting even naughtier.

OP posts:
SnapAndFartAllDayLong · 22/12/2018 18:53

OP if your doing elf on the shelf you could do him with a potato and a letter from Santa as a warning?

Armadillostoes · 22/12/2018 18:57

The earning back part does help. You consider that your son is robust enough-that may or may not be correct. Ultimately, it is your choice. I think that it is a bad idea and may be damaging, I hope that it proves to be fine and that you have a good Christmas. I mean that sincerely rather than passive aggressively! I think that you are misguided but hope things work out for you.

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