To give my son a potato for Christmas?

[eefa658]

Have lurked for about a year but finally made an account to ask this as I've had mixed reactions from friends and my DM...

DS 3 is a biter. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. Final straw was the other day when he tried to bite his 3 month old sister (he didn't manage to as I grabbed him) I had warned him last time he bit me that Santa would see and for every time he bit anybody from now on Santa would replace a present with a potato. He didn't listen, and tried to bite DD. I've told him that Santa has seen and one of his presents is now a potato.

I HATE not following through on punishments. I'm inclined just to wrap up a potato and chuck it in his stocking and then when he opens it on Christmas Day remind him that he was warned. I'm not going to throw away any of his presents, so he's not actually going to miss out he will just think he has.

DM and a few friends think I'm horrible. DH, DF and a few other friends think it's a great idea.

WIBU to do this? I'm running out of ideas to get him to stop and I really am losing the will to live over it. Please feel free to also offer tips on how you stopped your child biting...

I think your child at 3 is very young to make the connection between the biting and the potato..if he's nearly 4 and understands what you have said ..maybe..if he's nearer 2 and still very much a baby I absolutely wouldn't...the difficulty in my mind is his age .

Fab idea

He isn’t missing out but at the same time he’s getting a consequence for his behaviour

I don’t think it’s terrible or that he will be that upset. I don’t think it will work though at that age punishment needs to be immediate otherwise they won’t link the behaviour with the consequence.

“This is an utterly brilliant idea.
I’m going to try it on DH.”

Does he bite you a lot?

Do it Op, he needs to learn consequences and since corporal punishment is not allowed anymore this is all you have. One of my childhood friends used to bite and she was warned by her father that the next time she bit someone he would bite her and it would hurt. She didn't believe her Dad and bit her baby sister quite hard, and so her Dad bit her, she was shocked and upset, but she didn't ever bite anyone ever again. And no she didn't need therapy, counselling, doesn't have PTSD blah blah blah, she is a perfectly normal rounded human being and bore her father no ill will at all, in fact she thought he did the right thing.

I used to work in a nursery and a parent did this exact thing. It backfired completely, the child came in with the potato and was very fond of it. He felt like it was special because no one else got one.

Well, you've got to do it because you've told him you will and, if you don't, all he will learn is that Father Christmas didn't support you or agree with you and that what you say means nothing. Your parenting efforts will have been undermined by an imaginary being.

So do it but in future, don't hand over responsibility for discipline to Father Christmas or anyone else.

A lot of children are told that a policeman; the Head Teacher; Father Christmas; Jesus (!)... will see and not be happy/punish them somehow.

All you're doing is making them fearful of someone who doesn't know them from Adam/has no idea what they've done wrong/doesn't exist and telling them that you can't manage their behaviour on your own - it disempowers you.

When I was a kid we always used to have potatoes in our stocking if we'd been naughty! The naughtier you'd been, the more potatoes. We had all our other presents too, obviously.

Absolutely give him the potato. He has to learn.

Do it op 👍I agree you need to carry it out

My experience was that trying to get biters of this age not to bite is a waste of energy & encourages a very young child to feel shame & guilt over a very strong, innate impulse/urge that s/he will grow out of but at this early age can't control. However, I found the biting can be directed to inanimate objects. So the rule in my house has always been, "No biting people, animals or other living things. But biting itself is OK, so long as you're biting inanimate objects."

I'd help this child find items that he'll find enjoyable & satisfying to bite when the urge hits & which won't cause any harm to his mouth/teeth. There's a reason there are so many different kinds of chew toys for dogs; let them inspire you.

Your son will outgrow the biting urge, but while it's still with him IMO the best option is to help him redirect his biting to safe, inanimate objects so it causes no harm rather than punishing him for it. I'd nix the potato, but if you insist on following through, I hope you'll let him chomp on it!

Do it. He won't be missing out, he'll just THINK he is.
Of course, you have the challenge of what to do after Christmas if the biting recurs.

Fuck it, I'll wrap the potato. His level of understanding is quite good. He's just naughty. Probably because when DH is looking after him by himself he lets him get away with murder

Could you get 'Santa' to phone him and tell him he hates taking potatoes to naughty children or how sad he is that he isn't listening to Mummy and is hurting people?

It's such a weird threat OP. Now you've done it I suppose you'll have to follow through but why on earth did you threaten to replace a gift with a potato? It's a very complicated concept and he's three, I can't see it providing much of a deterrent.

Biting is very sensory, have you considered giving him something that he's allowed to bite? Then if he goes to bite somebody you can say something like "We don't bite people. If you want to bite, bite your xxx"? Much better to get to the root cause of why he's doing it, especially as he's so young.

I think I’d give him something to bite on, aren’t there things you can get to chew on? Mainly I think the potato thing is unlikely to work, one of mine is a biter when overtired and you can’t reason her out of it so trying to focus it away from people seems the best response for this age.

Why don't you wrap a potato up tonight and then in the morning 'find' it with a note from Santa saying that he'd heard he'd been biting and he's getting a potato present right now to remind him not to do it. That way it's a bit more immediate and you don't ruin Christmas.

@Vegilante I was wondering if he would take to biting the potato! Which to be fair wouldn't be a bad idea.

May also nip to pets at homes and buy him a chew toy. I'm semi joking about that.

I would definitely do it! Sounds like good parenting to me!

@Doje ooooo good idea! Might leave it on his bed for him tonight? I have been worried about tears on Christmas Day

Yeah I would, 100%

I had a biter and the only thing I found worked was soap. Sounds awful but after a child in her class had a huge bite on his hand I was desperate. I explained to her that her teeth got dirty when she bit and so I needed to clean them and that toothpaste wasn't enough. I had a hotel travel sized bar of soap and I only had to do it twice. Just mention it as you sound a bit desperate too. BTW I would follow through now you have threatened perhaps with a note from Santa to say he will watch and if he makes it to new year without biting he'll leave him the present for then as it sounds as if the threat was enough to stop him once so it looks as if it is working.

Has the biting started since you turned his world upside down (by giving him a sibling who no doubt he sees as stealing his time with you)?

I think it’s a good idea, he is still getting his other presents, but the thought of Santa keeping an eye on him might just work if he sees the proof when he unwraps a potato.

I would do it it may just be the one thing that works. He’s not going to go without but getting a potato in his stocking will make him realise there are consequences to his actions?