Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my son a potato for Christmas?

425 replies

eefa658 · 22/12/2018 17:38

Have lurked for about a year but finally made an account to ask this as I've had mixed reactions from friends and my DM...

DS 3 is a biter. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. Final straw was the other day when he tried to bite his 3 month old sister (he didn't manage to as I grabbed him) I had warned him last time he bit me that Santa would see and for every time he bit anybody from now on Santa would replace a present with a potato. He didn't listen, and tried to bite DD. I've told him that Santa has seen and one of his presents is now a potato.

I HATE not following through on punishments. I'm inclined just to wrap up a potato and chuck it in his stocking and then when he opens it on Christmas Day remind him that he was warned. I'm not going to throw away any of his presents, so he's not actually going to miss out he will just think he has.

DM and a few friends think I'm horrible. DH, DF and a few other friends think it's a great idea.

WIBU to do this? I'm running out of ideas to get him to stop and I really am losing the will to live over it. Please feel free to also offer tips on how you stopped your child biting...

OP posts:
Lovingbenidorm · 22/12/2018 17:53

Just had lunch with a friend and we were talking about our dc. She told the story of when her dd did something and was told ‘if you ever do that again, you are NOT going to Disney Land with gp’s and your bro next month’
She repeated naughty behaviour.
She didn’t go to Disney.
She is now an adult and has never forgotten it

KittyClaus · 22/12/2018 17:53

I’d do it!

Original poster
eefa658 · 22/12/2018 17:54

Since I told him that one of his presents had already been replaced with a potato, when he has gone to bite somebody I have said 'you're already getting one potato, do you want another?'. He looks all sad and then doesn't bite after that. Usually when I tell him to stop he just looks at me and bites anyway out of defiance.

OP posts:
ButteryParsnips · 22/12/2018 17:55

Given what you've said and that no actual present he's anticipating will be taken away, I would do it.

user1471530109 · 22/12/2018 17:55

I am also in a similar situation. But my dd is 9 and her behaviour is horrendous! To the point I've taken her to the GP and spoken to her school... she is violent, aggressive to her much younger dsis and frankly is making me miserable.

Anyway. She turned around and said she knew that santa would have seen (she is v much still a believer) and that she knows she won't get anything in her stocking. My heart goes out to her. She looked upset. But it hadn't had an effect on changing her behaviour this week (she HAS been better in the run up to Xmas though). I genuinely think she can't control her temper.
I am of course going to give her her stocking. But wondering if I should out one lump of coal (that's what she has read in books) to signify the bad behaviour has been noted. I'm even thinking of writing a note....I love her so much and want her to control her temper. But I can't let kicking and swearing at me in public go. Especially as she herself says she knows Santa knows Sad

Is this a bad idea?
Does it make a difference if they are older?

I am so torn with your ds being 3. Could you tell him Santa has kept the present and said he can have it if he goes 1 week without biting. Maybe give it new year's day? So it still shows that the biting has had a consequence?

This bloody parenting this is so hard. And I'm a teacher! I'm embarrassed! Blush

user1471530109 · 22/12/2018 17:56

Just want to add this behaviour has been put down to hormones by GP. She's always been volatile, but not to this degree.

Thesmallthings · 22/12/2018 17:57

Mine all ways get a potato in their stocking ... for bad behaviour. they are 9 and 13 now and think it's funny.

You know your son, if you think it will eat at him and ruin his day don't do it. If you think he'll take it on the chin then forget about it do it.

I also doubt he'll remember your threat any way he'll be to excited about the day

Merryoldgoat · 22/12/2018 17:57

I have no issue with the potato in principle but wonder if he’s a bit young to
Understand?

With mine at that age the best thing was to deal quickly but if you feel your son gets it then it’s pretty good punishment.

Travisandthemonkey · 22/12/2018 17:58

@user1471530109
I think yours sounds much more complex, I don’t think a coal or potato would work.
It’s almost like she’s proving to everyone that no one gives a shit by telling you she knows Santa won’t have anything for her. Hope she gets better

KingkillerKvothe · 22/12/2018 18:00

I'd give the potato. I've put fake coal in my sons stocking before. It was mostly a joke, because we had gotten rid of an electric fire and there was a loose coal. But obviously we'd done the whole 'if your naughty, you'll get coal'

He actually said 'I love all my presents, even my coal' he was about 4 at the time.

I think it's a great idea.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 22/12/2018 18:01

I would put apples instead of potatoes. Tell him as he likes biting so much he can chomp on those.

MamaDane · 22/12/2018 18:02

Do it!
Consequences are important. There's a reason Santa makes a naughty or nice list after all 😉

ginghamstarfish · 22/12/2018 18:02

So you're not following through with what you said if you ADD a potato to the gifts .... wouldn't it be a good idea to actually do what you promised?

FascinatingCarrot · 22/12/2018 18:03

I think its a great idea

BlueJava · 22/12/2018 18:04

You've got to follow through. Some presents yes, but a couple of spuds wrapped up too. He'll be distraight but hopefully it stops him!

FFSFFSFFS · 22/12/2018 18:06

It will be very hard for him the explain this to his therapist in 20 years. As someone has said - he will remember this FOR EVER. At 3 it could be his first memory. It could be very traumatic which you clearly don't want it to be!!!! He won't remember if you dont follow through!

DO NOT DO THIS!!!!

FenellasRedVelvetDress · 22/12/2018 18:07

This is an utterly brilliant idea.
I’m going to try it on DH.

cdtaylornats · 22/12/2018 18:10

My sister used to say surprise me when asked what she wanted for Christmas then moan to her friends about what I got her.

So one year I got her a box of cheese. She was surprised. She has been a lot more specific since.

ALemonyPea · 22/12/2018 18:10

What is his level of understanding like? If he will remember what you've told him a few days ago, then yes I would. I'm all for following through.

DS2 idolises Santa, he has autism and lives for Christmas. When we was roughly 8 (mental age of 5), he went through a stage of telling really bad lies. We went to his SN group Christmas party where Santa was, and had a little word beforehand about Santa speaking to him about lying. His face when Santa spoke to him about it was that of shock that Santa knew what he was doing, and he did actually stop telling lies for years after that.

Not saying it will be the same for your DS, but certainly worth a shot if he will remember it.

junebirthdaygirl · 22/12/2018 18:10

He is too young to understand. That age need immediate consequences. Its a stage he is going through and he won't make the connection l feel.

MerryMax · 22/12/2018 18:12

We've done this with the kids but not at such a young age. I think I'd deal with the biting separately.

Veganforlife · 22/12/2018 18:14

My son has been bitten twice this year ,both by a girl and a boy aged 8.the bites were bad ,broke the skin ,badly bruised him..I would always of said no ,not a good idea what you are suggesting...but having been on the receiving end ,I might ,in your shoes be very tempted to do as you are suggesting ,to try to nip it in the bud.

GahWhatever · 22/12/2018 18:14

I'd say stick the potato in his stocking along with everything else.

But, he's 3. The chances that he'll make the association between the time he bit someone a week before Christmas and the potato are slim. You need to come up with immediate repercussions to allow him to make a connection.

FascinatingCarrot · 22/12/2018 18:16

Thats massively extreme FFS
The Op is clearly not going to make it into a traumatic moment or she wouldnt be asking if its BU> If it was me it would a cheeky wink and nudge and whisper "ah I guess Santa saw you being a bit naughty but knows you are going to stop now" with a hug
Calm down. Therapist, jesus Hmm

ABCagain · 22/12/2018 18:16

Good idea, do it. It’s far better than when you hear some Mothers saying they bite the biter, that’s just cruel.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.