To give my son a potato for Christmas?

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Have lurked for about a year but finally made an account to ask this as I've had mixed reactions from friends and my DM...

DS 3 is a biter. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. Final straw was the other day when he tried to bite his 3 month old sister (he didn't manage to as I grabbed him) I had warned him last time he bit me that Santa would see and for every time he bit anybody from now on Santa would replace a present with a potato. He didn't listen, and tried to bite DD. I've told him that Santa has seen and one of his presents is now a potato.

I HATE not following through on punishments. I'm inclined just to wrap up a potato and chuck it in his stocking and then when he opens it on Christmas Day remind him that he was warned. I'm not going to throw away any of his presents, so he's not actually going to miss out he will just think he has.

DM and a few friends think I'm horrible. DH, DF and a few other friends think it's a great idea.

WIBU to do this? I'm running out of ideas to get him to stop and I really am losing the will to live over it. Please feel free to also offer tips on how you stopped your child biting...

Some of the pearl clutching is hilarious
Some of the utter lack of understanding of child development and the negative impact of delayed punishments isn’t.

No Potato. My daughter was a biter we gave her a dummy to chew and the biting stopped, she just needed something to chew on. She is now nearly 12, no sticky out teeth, no biting, happy normal kid. No braces on teeth needed and she was a happy little chewer on that dummy!

You are totally right to do this... follow through with your warning... he thinks he’s lost out you know he hasn’t ... you are kinder than me.... when mine when through the biting stage I bit them back (gently) to show them how it felt.... soon stopped

It’s really hard to get them to stop - one of my sons was a biter - I tried everything - so we tried the sticker chart and he could stick a stick up each day and he earned a small treat at the end of the week. All children love praise - negative reinforcement is hard work.
I have used the I m phoning Santa with the others as they got older.
Good luck I hope he breaks his habit soon - happy Christmas x

My daughter started this and I nipped it in the bud by biting her back, not hard just enough to make her realise actions have consequences, she was about 18 months old and, with another baby on the way I didn't want thst behaviour, it must have work cos she never did it again. Good luck but I think the potato idea is great.

He’s too young to link the ‘punishment’ to his crime. You deal with it in the moment. Also don’t agree with using Santa to discipline your children. You’re the parent. Finally, there is nothing logical or natural about receiving a potato if you bite someone. Tell me what lesson he’s learning in all of this tangled thinking.

Yabu.

nothing wrong with a potato - he is old enough to understand consequence and a two week redemption reinforced by a star chart is a great positive reinforcement. Although I would suggest for a three year old two potatoes ( at a danger of causing outrage here) and two weeks worth of weekly presents and star charts might work better to gratify good behaviour without too long a wait?

I think it’s a mean thing to threaten and an even meaner thing to carry out. Would you want to look forward to a day for months and have someone make you feel upset when it arrived? Put yourself on his position. He’s a tiny child, have a heart, it’s christmas! Save consequences for the day the biting happens. Admit you made that up because you were cross and wanted to make him listen, and apologise like an adult.

What’s interesting about the responses to this thread is how polarised they are.

I think people react based on whether they follow an authoritative or authoritarian parenting style.

I've put a bunch of bananas in a giant box for my 1 yo DS. He will squeal with excitement when he opens it. He loves bananas and boxes 😂.

He has other gifts but tbf I think that'll be the biggest hit.

At this stage they have poor impulse control so even with threats/consequences they can’t help themselves.
Needs to be dealt with in the moment.

I am not a medic but my understanding was that at 3 cognitive development was not at a stage that meant that significantly delayed punishments/ consequences would be understood? So the potato would not be understand for what it symbolises.

Do it, along with your plan if he can earn the present swap later by not biting

Give him the potato.

Tell him it was an XBOX.

That'll learn him!

I would stray away from 'biting back' as some posters are suggesting they have done. You're on dodgy ground here as you can't leave marks even temporarily on children & you can get prosecuted for this.
I can see why people take these extreme measures but its not advisable.
As I said previously positive reinforcement is the way forward. A potato is unlikely to give the outcome you want so maybe stick to the tried & tested methods.

A girl I know had a DD that was always misbehaving. Eventually she gave her a 3 strikes rule. If she misbehaved 3 more times then Santa wouldn’t bring her the bike she wanted for Xmas.

She carried on misbehaving and so at Xmas her mom didn’t buy the bike and instead wrote a “Letter From Santa” which she gave her on Xmas day explaining that because she had been so naughty and not done as she was told she wouldn’t be getting her bike for Christmas.

She was upset but she learnt to behave better after that, so it worked.

People keep harping on that he's 3, but he's 4 in January. That's too old to be biting and old enough to have some impulse control. He clearly is remembering the potato and why it is happening so he will understand. OP I think you're doing the right thing. Would people rather you just bit him back like many on this thread have done? (and I'm not judging them either, it worked!). As for those thinking the potato will traumatise him! Dear god, they have no idea what real abuse is clearly.

Yes definitely do this and film the reaction, hilarious! Have a good one :)

Hmm. hilarious.
And if or when he does bite again as an impulse what next? Threaten the Easter bunny gives him a parsnip?

AnY consequence has to be immediate removing him and ignoring him.as soon as he bites. Not something to tell him he is bad a few days later.

What do you do in May, when Easter and Christmas have gone?

When my sister wouldn't stop biting my Dad bit her. Surprisingly she stopped trying to bite people.

Jesus Christ

Damaging him intensely 😂

My DS was a biter (it seemed his reason was purely that he liked the feel of squishy skin between his teeth as he bit anything with the same texture). Nothing we tried worked but he eventually grew out of it. Didn’t matter how many times we told him that he’d hurt people he just didn’t care. I didn’t try a potato tho. At 3 years old it might be an initial shock for him having a spud instead of presents but when he gets the urge to bite again he’ll probably forget the potato thing.....

I would stray away from 'biting back' as some posters are suggesting they have done. You're on dodgy ground here as you can't leave marks even temporarily on children & you can get prosecuted for this.

Not true. And ridiculous a suggestion.

Ask parents if the biting back worked. Vast majority will confirm it did.