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Original poster

To give my son a potato for Christmas?

425 replies

eefa658 · 22/12/2018 17:38

Have lurked for about a year but finally made an account to ask this as I've had mixed reactions from friends and my DM...

DS 3 is a biter. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. Final straw was the other day when he tried to bite his 3 month old sister (he didn't manage to as I grabbed him) I had warned him last time he bit me that Santa would see and for every time he bit anybody from now on Santa would replace a present with a potato. He didn't listen, and tried to bite DD. I've told him that Santa has seen and one of his presents is now a potato.

I HATE not following through on punishments. I'm inclined just to wrap up a potato and chuck it in his stocking and then when he opens it on Christmas Day remind him that he was warned. I'm not going to throw away any of his presents, so he's not actually going to miss out he will just think he has.

DM and a few friends think I'm horrible. DH, DF and a few other friends think it's a great idea.

WIBU to do this? I'm running out of ideas to get him to stop and I really am losing the will to live over it. Please feel free to also offer tips on how you stopped your child biting...

OP posts:
PollyFlinderz · 23/12/2018 17:52

I find the whole idea of getting a potato upsetting and if you’ve had to resort to it there’s something far wrong with your way of doing things.

cloudspotter · 23/12/2018 17:53

Too young. They don't really understand IMO

Doesntlooklikeanythingtome · 23/12/2018 17:54

I just put a potatoe in my children’s stocking as a joke, not a punishment.

EtVoilaBrexit · 23/12/2018 17:54

Nope this is a very bad idea.
He is only 3yo. If you want him to learn you need to do something WHEN IT HAPPENS. Several days (or even a week later) is too late.

What you will teach him is that Santa can be mean.
And to be frightened he will have th8ngs taken away from him - aka you will are insecure rather than feeling safe.

Not a good idea.

PoutySprout · 23/12/2018 17:56

I’m going to suggest this for disciplinary cases at work. Anyone proved to be misbehaving will get a potato instead of their pay packet. Bosh.

Earthakitty · 23/12/2018 17:57

What kid bites ? ? ?
I'd get him to a child psychiatrist before he injures another kid.
I'm sure you're a very good parent but this is not normal behaviour and I'd be worried.
Re the potato idea.... Worth a try.

Teacher22 · 23/12/2018 17:58

Regarding the potato, good idea. He will get other presents and can ‘earn’ the gift if he doesn’t bite for a while. I would say two whole weeks is a long time but , whatever.

I really posted to ask you how old the DS is and to reassure you that many children go through a biting phase and come out the other end without permanent harm. My DS had a bitey several months when he was about two when I couldn’t take my eye off him for a moment in a play park for fear he would take lumps out of the other children.

He is 29 now and never does it.

Of course, you will need to watch the little one. And, as for him always remembering the potato, he will laugh about it.

Armadillostoes · 23/12/2018 18:01

Cuppycakey your assertion is at odds with currently accepted expert opinion based on academic research. The average neurotypical three year old will not.process and respond well to deferred punishments.

sunshinemode · 23/12/2018 18:07

You've put yourself in a pickle. The problem with the potato is that on Christmas morning you will be focusing on bad behaviour even though he hasn't done any at this stage. With this age group focusing and praising behaviour you do want works better than punishment. Try acknowledging his frustrations before he gets to biting offering alternative ways of dealing with them and then praising him for it.

ABCagain · 23/12/2018 18:09

Again, do it he’s nearly Four. You’re being sensible and it’s for his own good, nobody wants their Kids playing with a Biter it’s really antisocial.

Yved11 · 23/12/2018 18:09

Yes! 100% how else will he learn there are consequences to his actions.
Maybe I'm hard but I have stopped my son having a birthday party because he hurt his sister on purpose.
Parenting doesn't end on one day and in the end. It's your family. If you and your husband both agree and no one is getting hurt then it's up to you. But I do totally agree with you and think it's a GENIUS idea!

Merry Christmas everyone. X

kateryan · 23/12/2018 18:09

Have you asked him why he wants to bite, it obviously an attention seeking thing, even if the result is punishment etc, he is then getting your attention. I have read some of the comments, I recall my grandparents biting a cousin who used to bite, that stopped him. I also agree with following through with punishments along with rewarding good behaviour. at the age of 3 a child should know for every action they take it results in a reaction, be it good or bad. Children are very clever at giving adults choices so it makes sense to use that with them, give him a choice "you can do this or you can do that" and let him know the consequence of the decision he makes. Yes I agree the potato as his initial gift together with a choice of behaviour and the consequences, which you will probably need to re-iterate throughout the day, if he is behaving correctly then a gift appears, you could in fact stretch it out over a few days. Good luck and hope your Christmas is a tuning point for your boy.

rainbowbear10 · 23/12/2018 18:09

I think they have to learn from an early age there are consequences Christmas or not it's bad enough trying bite your baby. I would wrap up a potato as you say as a reminder of what you said to him it will not scar him for life but maybe remind him of what he should not do.

italiancortado · 23/12/2018 18:12

I think they have to learn from an early age there are consequences Christmas or not

That is reasonable. Giving a kid a fucking potato on Christmas Day because he bit almost a WEEK previously is not.

Studentwife · 23/12/2018 18:13

Two of my four were biters and nothing worked with number 1. Someone said with my 1st that I should bite her back and hard! At the time I was horrified until one day she ran into the house from the garden, bit my leg really hard and drew blood. It really was excruciating. At that moment I turned round grabbed her arm and bit her back ( I didn’t draw blood). She screamed at me and I shouted back ‘and that’s how much it hurts when you bite, and don’t ever do it again!’
I felt terrible but I have to say she never ever did bite anyone again.
Luckily my number four only bit inanimate objects so I didn’t have to repeat what I did to my eldest.
I certainly don’t think this is the ideal way but definitely did the trick.
PS I would certainly replace a fair few presents with a potato!!! You can always give them over the next few weeks as rewards for being kind and not biting.
Good luck

Twowilldo50 · 23/12/2018 18:13

Personally I think this is a cruel idea, your son will remember the potato forever, and IMO kids of that age can’t remember consequences when they are in the moment. I think I would find a way of backing out of it, if explaining Father Christmas really wants to give him all his presents. Then think about diverting this behaviour - has he got a sensory need to bite? You can buy heavy duty chewy things or give lots of carrots. Or does he feel pushed out by the baby and feels any attention is better than none?? Be kind xx

user1481793247 · 23/12/2018 18:15

My daughter was a biter and I tried reasoning, cajoling and finally I told her if she did it again, I would bite her to let her know how it feels. I did have to bite her, gently but firmly. She never bit anyone again after that

Scotland32 · 23/12/2018 18:18

Definitely follow through. And remember that you are NOT a horrible person. You are a responsible parent. One potato will do no harm and he is old enough to understand. I have relatives who never follow through and their children are a nightmare as a result!
We’ve had such a terrible day with my eldest that I may not be far behind you!!

masterchef98 · 23/12/2018 18:19

I wouldnt. He will either not care because he has loads of other stuff or he will be distraught even though he has loads of other stuff carefully chosen, bought and wrapped by you. Neither is a good outcome in my opinion and one will ruin the day for you. Maybe a note on xmas eve with a list of 3 fairly vague and easily achievable random act of kindness type tasks would be better and reinforce the kind behaviour that you want. Also my oldest is 10 and it is only recently that threats of punishment have had any effect, he would go a bit red mist, arguments would escalate, punishments would be threatened then enforced because he couldnt calm himself down enough in that state (i wasnt dealing with biting though) and he and i would both end up miserable and feeling really bad about ourselves.at around 5 i started instead sending him with paper and pencil to write / draw about what had happened or how he wanted this situation to turn out. More effective as instead of feeling angry about being punished and thinking about how unfair life is he was thinking about his behaviour and the consequences. 3 is maybe a bit young for that? By contrast threatened punishments are extremely effective on my 5 year old!

Sian1379 · 23/12/2018 18:20

An excellent idea!Yes,go through with it .It's not S if he's really missing out in any way,but it's a lesson that he might really digest.
Good luck!

SockEatingMonster · 23/12/2018 18:22

I don’t think it will work OP but my heart goes out to you as it sounds like you have reached the end of your tether with his biting Sad

I think in your position I’d perhaps have Father Christmas give him a bite/chew necklace or similar with a note saying that he can tell how hard DS is trying not to bite and he understands it’s hard for him, so he’s sent him something to help. Perhaps if Father Christmas believes he can stop, he’ll believe it too.

Good luck Smile

ForAMinuteThere · 23/12/2018 18:22

You have to follow it through!

Foggycannonball · 23/12/2018 18:33

If he's only 3 he's probably just experimenting. He is at a stage where he's still experiencing the world through tactile sensations -particularly his mouth. Children of this age will sometimes hit another child on the head with a heavy object. It's not to hurt them but to see what happens. Yes, keep discouraging the biting behaviour-e.g. big hug "We love (child's name) but we don't like biting" be vigilant and remove from temptation. The potato assumes that he will remember the incidents and connect to the consequence. He'd unlikely to be developmentally ready to understand the connection. Children of 3 are too young to be naughty -it is up to us to keep them safe from doing harm give them tons of love, remind them that they don't want to hurt anyone, create an environment in which you only need to say "No" for danger and by the time they're 5 they will love and respect you and do whatever you want them to do.

Nanalisa60 · 23/12/2018 18:33

I got a bag of coal one year!! Well I thought it was a bag but it turned out just to be coal on top of the pillowcase!! (Pillowcases is what you left out in the 1960/1070 no fancy stockings for us) My dad had been telling me for months that’s all I would be getting at Christmas if I did not start being a better behaved girl!! What a shock I had that Christmas morning!! Still was a horrible little madam for the rest of the next year did not change a thing!!

EdtheBear · 23/12/2018 18:34

Anybody noticed the common theme to the parents who successfully stopped biting?

All were immediately after the event, biting back, grandpa taking out his falsers, etc were all straight after the event not nearly a week later with here's you don't know what your missing out on.

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