To give my son a potato for Christmas?

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Have lurked for about a year but finally made an account to ask this as I've had mixed reactions from friends and my DM...

DS 3 is a biter. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. Final straw was the other day when he tried to bite his 3 month old sister (he didn't manage to as I grabbed him) I had warned him last time he bit me that Santa would see and for every time he bit anybody from now on Santa would replace a present with a potato. He didn't listen, and tried to bite DD. I've told him that Santa has seen and one of his presents is now a potato.

I HATE not following through on punishments. I'm inclined just to wrap up a potato and chuck it in his stocking and then when he opens it on Christmas Day remind him that he was warned. I'm not going to throw away any of his presents, so he's not actually going to miss out he will just think he has.

DM and a few friends think I'm horrible. DH, DF and a few other friends think it's a great idea.

WIBU to do this? I'm running out of ideas to get him to stop and I really am losing the will to live over it. Please feel free to also offer tips on how you stopped your child biting...

It’s a great idea - give him the potato 🥔 and nothing else - hopefully he’ll learn his lesson ready for next Christmas, naughty little boy!

Also, whilst I’d generally agree that you should follow through with consequences. If you ever feel you’ve made a threat in anger that you are regretting, admitting your mistake to your DC can be a really postive thing.

E.g. I’m sorry DS but when I said that XYZ I wasn’t telling the truth/etc. I was feeling angry because ABC and I made a poor decision. There are still consequences for what you did, but having thought about it, this is more appropriate...

May not apply here, but good for those of us who sometimes speak in haste and regret it!

We once gave DS some sprouts in his stockings - alongside all his other presents - he was post-knowing about Santa, and likes sprouts anyway, but it was a tongue-in-cheek warning about his behaviour that year. He remembers it, and found it funny at the time. Not sure a 3 year old would remember, or realise the relevance, but then my younger two are ASD so just wouldn't get it, and the older two are so old I can't remember what they were like at 3, really.

If he's anything like my son the potato will turn out to be a massive hit, pulled around by trains and pushed by diggers for weeks then distraught when it goes mouldy and has to be chucked (now bringing back memoiries of the sobbing when das threw his new favourite stick into the river when bad mum told him they were banned in hotels and couldn't be taken to bed!). Just do it. It may not have the desired effect but you know you followed through. Is there anything he really likes he could earn in return for not biting for a set period? My ds1 liked coins so he got 1p a day when we were trying to get him to do something better ( can no longer remember what! ) and then be got to put them in the whizzy thing for lifeboats at the harbour at the end of week as he loved seeing them 'race'

I think now that you've said it you'd better carry through. But in future act immediately - as soon as he bites a favourite toy is taken before his eyes and put away until he is bite free for a week.
Or...bite back.

Three is too little to understand properly. Not a fan of Santa as threat/bribe tbh.

I think this is a great idea! If he was my kid he’d get just potatoes on Xmas day and earn a proper Xmas gift for every few days he manages not to bite, or attempt to bite someone. Good way to get him out of the habit - please follow through. There’s no one less popular than a kid who hurts other kids- you’ll be doing him a favour. Best of luck 😇

Guess you'll have to do this every year now, or you'll be minimizing future bad behaviour.

Terrible idea.

You realise that this potato giving won't actually work though right?
I think that if you are trying to change his biting habit you need to give a relevant & quick punishment.
Does he like to have things in his mouth & is he very tactile? If so encourage him to bite on safe objects & teach him to communicate his feelings - sometimes biting is about not being able to express pent up frustrations. You can buy tubes for children that are safe to chew & bite on.

In terms of punishment when he does succumb to trying to take a chunk out of someone it ought to be something related to the situation & relevant to him.
You could also try reward based learning but rather than saying he 'must not bite' & he will then get a reward, reward him for 'hugging, touching nicely, being kind, telling you or someone when he is upset,' etc make it as specific as possible.

This is outsourcing parenting. What you going to Boxing Day when Santa’s been and gone. Try a different approach.

I'd do it. It's a great idea. At 3 we gave all DD dummies to father Christmas in exchange for an extra present. She understood, it worked, don't doubt the understanding of your child. They all mature at different ages, if you didn't think it was appropriate the words wouldn't have slipped out. It will not ruin Christmas for anyone, it can only reinforce parental authority. And in a gentle way. Happy Christmas you're doing a great job.

I would give him one potato and a note from Santa with the other present for him to earn back with no biting for a week. I don’t think it is humiliating or demeaning him. I think it is teaching him cause and effect. You will need to have something in place to take over from the earning things through good behaviour once he does get his present - like a star chart etc.

The main thing is being consistent once you do start and not being afraid to say no and mean it. Another great tip someone gave me is to offer choices (both with the outcome you want) so that the child feels they have some control eg. If you are going out and they don’t want to wear a hat - shall I put your hat for you or would you like to put it on yourself etc. Worked much better than I was expecting!

Christ go for it! I’ve been tempted this year to replace ALL DS presents with potatoes!

Other people have probably said this but my eldest was a biter and when he but someone,I immediately removed him from the situation, sandpit, playgroup etc. I literally took him out of the situation every single time telling him we do not bite. It only lasted a few weeks (a mortifying few weeks though!). When he bit me. I repeated no biting and walked away from him. He soon learnt but I feel how desperate you must be.
I think the potato thing is too out of context and won't make any sense to him but do whatever you have to.
My eldest is a lovely sensitive boy now so it will pass I promise.

I gave my daughter 3 potatoes as she had bitten her cousin three times in the run up to Xmas and I had warned her this would happen. She was 3, she’s now 7 and doesn’t remember getting those potatoes- but they stopped her biting her cousin anymore.

What about a note from Santa? Along the lines of overall Santa been pleased with his bahaviour but a bit disappointed with the biting and if it continues spud or coal will be coming next year but Santa’s sure that won’t be necessary. I just think 3 is very young for punishments. With biting in general, best advice I had was to focus on the victim of the biting rather than the biter. Make a really big fuss of them and focus your attention on them. Children that age often want attention and aren’t worried if it’s positive or not. So show the biter this won’t get it.

my mother did something similar but with coal if we were naughty father christmas would start swapping out presents for coal.

So she put the presents she would give anyway plus one lump of coal worked for us .

My three year old completely understood “if you hit your sister again I will write to santa to tell him no presents” she has been exceptionally nice to little sister and made me look terrible to everyone by telling them that if she hits her sister santa won’t bring presents because mummy will send a letter. I think the potato idea is excellent. I might pinch it....

Humiliating? Demeaning? Too young for punishment? Ffs. He’s old enough to know he shouldn’t and do it anyway=deliberate naughtiness=normal three year old=needs to learn lesson.

I must have been a biter; although I don’t remember biting anybody I do remember my mum biting the back of my hand. She could be quite dramatic - my sister used to like sitting really close to the coal fire. It had a guard around it, but she was still too close despite being told to move. My mum cut off the end of my sister’s plait and threw it on the fire. The smell and the sizzling was awful, but it did the trick.
I think a week after the incident is too late for a potato OP.

if you go on amazon you can put in autistic bite toy and they are great

please don't do that. that is so mean. he will remember that forever, probably more than anything else, that will be his christmas memory.

Dramatic much😂😂

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving him a potato as a consequence of biting, he's little and that will match his understanding.
What I really dislike is all this, "Santa won't bring....". I hate the Santa myth anyway but that is taking it too far. It's you who is doing the deciding, not a mythical figure.

Give him some presents on Boxing Day and the rest on the next day.

He will outgrow biting, it's horrible while it lasts but doesn't last long.

I think this is a brilliant idea. Like a previous poster said maybe give him the chance of earning it back.