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Original poster

To give my son a potato for Christmas?

425 replies

eefa658 · 22/12/2018 17:38

Have lurked for about a year but finally made an account to ask this as I've had mixed reactions from friends and my DM...

DS 3 is a biter. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to stop. Final straw was the other day when he tried to bite his 3 month old sister (he didn't manage to as I grabbed him) I had warned him last time he bit me that Santa would see and for every time he bit anybody from now on Santa would replace a present with a potato. He didn't listen, and tried to bite DD. I've told him that Santa has seen and one of his presents is now a potato.

I HATE not following through on punishments. I'm inclined just to wrap up a potato and chuck it in his stocking and then when he opens it on Christmas Day remind him that he was warned. I'm not going to throw away any of his presents, so he's not actually going to miss out he will just think he has.

DM and a few friends think I'm horrible. DH, DF and a few other friends think it's a great idea.

WIBU to do this? I'm running out of ideas to get him to stop and I really am losing the will to live over it. Please feel free to also offer tips on how you stopped your child biting...

OP posts:
fedup2017 · 23/12/2018 20:31

Our youngest went through a biting phase. It was always when he felt overwhelmed.... so sometimes super excited and happy and couldn't cope with it. We learnt to see the signs in an imminent bite and ask for a big squeeze hug or kiss instead. If he bit he was taken away to calm down. He would have been too young to understand delayed consequences anyway.

Have you worked out why he's biting? Is it an agressive /angry/overwhelmed thing. Is it because he is struggling to verbalise his emotions. If he's mature enough to understand the santa threat he's probably old enough to be able to talk to you about why he does it.

threatmatrix · 23/12/2018 20:32

My kids were told that the elves lived in the chimney In December and every time they heard one of my sons act up they took a present out and replaced it with a potato. I always put about 3 potatoes in their stockings. On Christmas Day I would say “ see that would have been a present if you had behaved” they are now 30 and 23 and we always laugh at Xmas about how they believed that story. Good memories.

threatmatrix · 23/12/2018 20:33

That’s ridiculous, yes my kids remember getting a potato and laugh about it. They now do it with there’s.

wallowinwater · 23/12/2018 20:37

He is 3, he doesn’t have the impulse control that you are expecting of him. This will just be in his mind an unconnected punishment. He might even actually enjoy having a potato. You will be shaming him if he does understand and shame is damaging to kids. I can’t believe so many people think it’s fine. I must be so hard, especially when he’s trying to bight your baby, but he will grow out of it. He needs more connection and love not shaming on Christmas Day.

mycatislickingherpaw · 23/12/2018 20:39

I was told by an educator to show my child a print out Of a nasty germ and tell him that that’s what would get into his mouth if he bit and that he would get sick. To repeat it over and over together with ‘we bite food, not people’

rachelfrost · 23/12/2018 20:40

I used to get coal in my stocking because everyone is a bit bad. Not sure it did much for my self esteem but in Italy Santa’s a little different (he’s a witch called la befana) and, yeah, you get coal. So maybe that makes a potato not so bad? Smile

In my experience the thing stops biting is empathy and lots of attention to the victim. But who knows, maybe potatoes too.

lily2403 · 23/12/2018 20:41

A book that worked with my little one was...teeth are not for biting, worked a treat

Yanbu

Good luck

Ifwisheswereunicorns · 23/12/2018 20:48

PoisonousSmurf oh my good Lord. Wtf!

A potato in the stocking is most definitely not a bad thing if that's what you've warned him about. You have to do it so he knows that actions have consequences; without that lesson people never learn. Please just don't show your dc that video!

Ifwisheswereunicorns · 23/12/2018 20:58

wallowinwater I don't agree; I have a 2.5 year old and he knows all too well what he is doing. He's a thrower and is asked to sit on the time out step each time he throws something; he's now at the point that he sits on the step for a second or two before he says sorry and picks up whatever he's thrown. He does it way less than he used to. He's learning that his actions have consequences. Why should Christmas be a break from learning?

winniestone37 · 23/12/2018 21:00

He's 3? Dear god you're awful. It's a form of shaming him, likely to damage him intensely. Alwsys always focus on the good. This is archaic parenting and I hope someone who knows you reports you.

Bugbabe1970 · 23/12/2018 21:02

This is wrong
If you want to punish a 3 year old you must do it straight away
He won’t understand why he has potatoes in Xmas day
You are being stubborn and silly
If he bites
Tell him off sternly and out him in his room
What you are doing is more for you HE WILL NOT UNDERSTAND

famousfour · 23/12/2018 21:10

Actually in reflection a week is is probably too late and consequences need to be more immediate.

We’ve moved on from potatoes to parsnips in my house.

shirleyschmidt · 23/12/2018 21:15

If the worst thing that happens to him in life is unwrapping a potato with his other gifts, he won't have done at all badly. Good for you following through.

Greensmurf1 · 23/12/2018 21:16

elizabethpantley.com/child-bit-me/
How about some constructive help in dealing with biting.
You can back out of the potato by explaining that you were angry and frustrated and wanted to make him stop biting and hurting. That it’s very scary that he wants to bite the baby because that could be very dangerous. Saying that you will take away presents is mean and you don’t want to be mean. You want him to be kind and do you will model kindness and help him find ways of expressing frustration so that he doesn’t hurt anyone. And when he really wants to bite someone he can practice saying. I’m really mad and I want to bite. And you can say I see that you are getting mad and want to bite. What can you do instead of biting? Can you say you are really mad? Can you take some breaths? Can you clap your hands and stomp your feet instead? Can you count to 5? Help him learn that hurting people doesn’t make things better. Giving him a potato won’t make that connection for him.
www.naeyc.org/our-work/families/understanding-and-responding-children-who-bite

Passenger42 · 23/12/2018 21:23

you sound ridiculous, he is 3. He won't understand and will be upset.

xmb53 · 23/12/2018 21:30

You have to follow through what you say you'd do. Otherwise there is no consequences.

Grilledaubergines · 23/12/2018 21:32

My youngest started to bite. I bit him back, not hard, but enough that he got a shock. I felt dreadful at the time but he never did it again. My kids were never ever smacked, it wasn’t about inflicting pain but how could he know what it felt like for those he bit otherwise.

Potato sounds a good idea OP, but if it doesn’t work, have something else ready.

Theluckynumberthree · 23/12/2018 21:33

I have a 3 year old- course they understand!! A 3 year old is capable of reading, writing, going to the toilet independently etc. Of course he knows biting is wrong and consequences!!

Nothininmenoggin · 23/12/2018 21:35

I know somebody who does this and I think it is a great idea will make him think and as you say still getting his pressies.

Kate0902900908 · 23/12/2018 21:38

I think you are being a fantastic parent and teaching your son! I would give him the potatoe!

I only had a cousin who bit us. It went on for a while... it got that bad my Auntie actually bit him
Very lightly but made sure he got a shock and it hurt him slightly ... He never bit us again.

Children need to be taught what is acceptable, your obviously a caring mother who gives a shit about her child deffinatly give him the potatoe and tell him the present it was swaped for has gone to someone somewhere who has been bitten.

In years to come when he is grown you will look back and laugh about the potatoe in the stocking x

Elkilil · 23/12/2018 21:41

I think you need to follow through.. (Its not like his just getting a potato, and I think the excitement of other presents will overtake it anyway.. if one potato in a bunch of presents is going to cause life long trauma then I think you have bigger things to worry about.) but I do agree with immediate consquences at that age.

Another option would be that if his good today you can tell him Santa might decide to replace that potato back with his gift.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/12/2018 21:43

Give the boy the potato.
If he does remember it forever it will be a funny story for him to tell his kids when he is older Grin

Ifwisheswereunicorns · 23/12/2018 21:46

winniestone37 how bloody ridiculous! Don't be so silly. It is not archaic parenting, it's showing consequences. Human children have more than a 3 second memory. We, as parents have to set boundaries and make our kids learn.

Ifwisheswereunicorns · 23/12/2018 21:51

shirleyschmidt exactly that

SheilaBruce · 23/12/2018 22:15

Some of the pearl clutching is hilarious. It slipped out through frustration, it's not malicious. A potato in amongst other gifts. No trauma induced.

[DS puzzled] "Hmm, a potato? Huh?"

[OP gives gentle reminder about trying to bite DSis and consequences]

[DS, frowning recognition on face] "Oh, yeah, that. Next present..."

At least you followed through and you got to reiterate the message of no biting / consequences etc.

If you allow him to earn the present back, don't forget to hold one back in reserve. I'd make it a proper good present too so the consequence has actual meaning.

But it needs to be a short time frame. Maybe watch how he is on Christmas Day and have it sitting under the tree for Boxing Day?

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