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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Now out of my mind with worry about drunk, now ex, 'D'H who stormed out at 3am.

165 replies

IcyVeins · 22/12/2018 10:42

I don't know what to do, or even if there is anything I can do. I'm feeling incredibly guilty, which is really pissing me off because that's how he should be feeling.

Long story short I caught my husband 'sexting' a relative, including photos and talks of a vid call.

He has form for this although like an idiot I accepted his excuse of stress the first time. He doesn't work, has seemingly been very happy and affectionate and this has completely blindsided me.

I found out at 3am this morning when a phone pinged in the bedroom. Dh was chatting on the computer upstairs but it was also coming through on the phone.

I confronted him, he got angry and stormed out with no thick coat or anything. He sent a few odd texts then radio silence from about 5am.

I'm concerned because he isn't at his DM's, with his Dsis or with the lovely lady on his messages (in Dh's extended family so DH's mum looked - yes eugh)

So now I'm sitting here worrying about a lying shitty bastard and it's annoying the hell out of me. Is there anything I can do to speed up finding out that he is physically ok so I can start moving on, or do I just wait to see when he pops up?

OP posts:
HowlsMovingBungalow · 22/12/2018 12:53

Sexting a relative? A new time low on MN.

Wordthe · 22/12/2018 12:53

He will have groomed this young relative, and he will be congratulating himself for winning her over, for owning her etc

Obtaining sexual gratification from a sex worker doesn't offer any of those challenges and is much less rewarding

Original poster
IcyVeins · 22/12/2018 12:53

Haha!

It's lost it's effect on me over the years. No, I 100% he would never do anything to hurt himself. He just likes to say it, coincidentally around the times he's been a monumental dick.

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 22/12/2018 12:54

Wow! Stay strong OP. I don't have experience (as far as I know) of a cheating partner but I do have experience of an emotionally abusive ex who threatened suicide whenever I tried to end the relationship. Please do not be manipulated by such threats, you are not and never will be responsible for his decisions in life. If he continues to insinuate that he will hurt himself, call his family/the police etc... do not be pulled into his drama.

Wordthe · 22/12/2018 12:56

So he has threatened suicide before and you know it's an empty threat and yet he still thinks it's worth trying again

He is pitiful I feel embarrassed for him

HollowTalk · 22/12/2018 12:57

Go back and read your posts in your other username, OP. You'll know what to do then.

MountPheasant · 22/12/2018 13:00

What a champ you are OP! I’m in awe of how strong you’re being.

I would use this time to pack up some clothes and stuff in a case for him and leave it on the doorstep for when he comes back. Have you asked your MIL if he can stay with her?

Queenofthestress · 22/12/2018 13:02

Don't ask your MIL shit, pack up his crap and dump it at hers

Rudgie47 · 22/12/2018 13:04

If he kills himself, then its not your problem.I wouldn't care.
I'd get rid of him as well, you can do better OP.

chocatoo · 22/12/2018 13:07

Walk away, leave him to it and get on with starting the rest of your life without him in it.

MrsTommyBanks · 22/12/2018 13:07

Send him this. What a scummy man. Well done on being so strong Flowers

juneau · 22/12/2018 13:08

Sexting a relative that's 20 years younger? Classy! You're well rid OP.

tablelegs · 22/12/2018 13:09

This is terrible op. A relative?! You're well rid!

Wordthe · 22/12/2018 13:10

He may be a total dick but if he kills himself it will be devastating for lots of people

DeepanKrispanEven · 22/12/2018 13:11

He is now messaging again about wanting to die

Congratulate him on nominating himself for the Darwin Awards

DeepanKrispanEven · 22/12/2018 13:11

Wordthe, he has no intention of killing himself.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 22/12/2018 13:14

Pathetic man. What a carry on. Stay strong, OP.

BottleOfJameson · 22/12/2018 13:15

Bloody hell, he's so stressed from sitting on his arse all day not working that he stays up on his own blind drunk sexting younger relatives? The one gift he has given to you is to make it abundantly 100% that he's a massive useless bell end and you're 1000 times better off without him.

Dollymixture22 · 22/12/2018 13:21

Another vote for handling this to the police. You have no responsibility at all for his foolish threats, but maybe a police welfare check is necessary.

Dollymixture22 · 22/12/2018 13:23

Oops my post took ages - computer froze. Empty suicide threats are unforgivable. What an arse

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 22/12/2018 13:23

I doubt he will actually kill himself, but if he makes a clear threat of suicide I would report it to the police, just in case. That way you'd be covered and if it turns out that he's just being a wanker and trying to manipulate you (most likely explanation but not the only one) then he'd probably get a Very Strong Word about it from an official source. Also, it never hurts to have an official record of this sort of behaviour.

Touchmybum · 22/12/2018 13:23

wouldn't waste another thought on him!

LuluJakey1 · 22/12/2018 13:35

It's all his responsibility - his whole life and the choices he makes. None of it is anyone else's. Do not engage with him at all.

EtVoilaBrexit · 22/12/2018 13:38

Contact the Police.
He has made threads to kill himself. Take him to his word and let him deal it’s the Police when it will become clear it was all bluff.

AnyFucker · 22/12/2018 13:41

for christ's sake, don't the police have enough to deal with than time wasting chumps like him

Op has the measure of him....empty threats.