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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Now out of my mind with worry about drunk, now ex, 'D'H who stormed out at 3am.

165 replies

IcyVeins · 22/12/2018 10:42

I don't know what to do, or even if there is anything I can do. I'm feeling incredibly guilty, which is really pissing me off because that's how he should be feeling.

Long story short I caught my husband 'sexting' a relative, including photos and talks of a vid call.

He has form for this although like an idiot I accepted his excuse of stress the first time. He doesn't work, has seemingly been very happy and affectionate and this has completely blindsided me.

I found out at 3am this morning when a phone pinged in the bedroom. Dh was chatting on the computer upstairs but it was also coming through on the phone.

I confronted him, he got angry and stormed out with no thick coat or anything. He sent a few odd texts then radio silence from about 5am.

I'm concerned because he isn't at his DM's, with his Dsis or with the lovely lady on his messages (in Dh's extended family so DH's mum looked - yes eugh)

So now I'm sitting here worrying about a lying shitty bastard and it's annoying the hell out of me. Is there anything I can do to speed up finding out that he is physically ok so I can start moving on, or do I just wait to see when he pops up?

OP posts:
Paintingtheroseswhite · 22/12/2018 11:16

Does he have his wallet with him? If so, he's probably in a hotel. However, if he has frozen to death on a park bench someone will have found him by now and called the police who would look at his ID and be on your doorstep by now. He's fine

SleeplessInShanklin · 22/12/2018 11:18

Put it this way, his two attempts at cheating have so far had all the success and complexity of a Cunning Plan by Baldrick.

Wordthe · 22/12/2018 11:18

His backup plan will be a turnip 😂

SleeplessInShanklin · 22/12/2018 11:20

That is actually very reassuring Grin (about the park bench and police)

TheQueef · 22/12/2018 11:21

The dirty bastard has just dumped Christmas in your lap too.
You get to be in bits whilest trying to keep the wheels on for the dc.

Don't lie to his family, tell them what he was doing and who with.
Get fucking furious that he's lumbered you with his scummy behaviour and angrier still that he's snuggled up lamenting his bad luck at being caught.
I'm sending you my anger vibes Angry and even Xmas Angry
The selfish tosser.

Wordthe · 22/12/2018 11:24

the message about it being cold and him feeling sleepy I think he wants you to worry that he is going to slip away from hypothermia and you will be so beside yourself that you'll forget about the fact there he is trying to shag a relative 20 years his junior

if he can somehow create a massive drama out of this episode where he goes missing and nearly dies of hypothermia he might just be able to get away with it

Urbanbeetler · 22/12/2018 11:28

If you are genuinely worried for his actual safety, why not text him and say if you don’t hear back that he is safe you will call the police. But that’s it.

He sounds so pathetic - I hope you have a really good life from now on without him.

alansleftfoot · 22/12/2018 11:29

He's trying to play the victim, ignore, ignore, ignore

Urbanbeetler · 22/12/2018 11:29

And you’ll give police that relatives address. That should get a response, put yr mind at ready and let you get on with ignoring that bastard.

Urbanbeetler · 22/12/2018 11:29

At ready = at ease. Sorry

SleeplessInShanklin · 22/12/2018 11:30

Oh I already did that Grin

Took some screen shots of the more filthy messages and sent them to his DM.

I know that seems petty but he always makes out everything is my fault and I'm exaggerating. I wanted them to know the truth for once instead if his heavily edited version.

After watching some videos I can only conclude I have the shittiest taste in men as I recognise all of my ex's (including the newest addition)

MumW · 22/12/2018 11:31

Please don't let him back. Change the locks, do whatever you have to. Talk to Women's Aid and get some RL support.
Good Luck, stay strong, do this for your DC, do this for YOU.

magoria · 22/12/2018 11:32

How old is this relative? Is is something her parents should be made aware of in a creepy older relative grooming their DD sort of thing?

Mulberry72 · 22/12/2018 11:34

Change the locks and ignore the horrible bastard.

Don’t let him back into your life OP, you deserve far, far better xxx

SleeplessInShanklin · 22/12/2018 11:34

I'm in a bit of shock still at the minute, and still coming to terms with a radically different Christmas than tge one me and dc were expecting...but I can hand on heart say I'll be happier. Can't be any lonelier than I already was!

InsomniacAnonymous · 22/12/2018 11:37

Are you posting under 2 different names, OP?

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2018 11:42

@SleeplessInShanklin

Xmas Grin Xmas Grin Xmas Grin

Original poster
IcyVeins · 22/12/2018 11:42

Ahh yes, it was a name change for this thread but it appears I'm as 'cunning' as my ex.

OP posts:
Original poster
IcyVeins · 22/12/2018 11:43

Not quite sure what is going on with posting on my phone at the minute. It seems to be cycling through user names when posting without me realising!

OP posts:
starcrossedseahorse · 22/12/2018 11:45

OP. Change the locks, make sure the whole family know what he has been up to and never look back.

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2018 11:46

Sock puppetry at its finest worst...

Bananalanacake · 22/12/2018 11:47

I am assuming you are ok for money as you don't seem to mind him not working. Therefore it is easier to split as you are not financially dependent on him.

feministfairy · 22/12/2018 11:54

Op. It's remarkably mild at the moment so I would think that hypothermia is fairly unlikely.

Maybe use the time to start thinking about how you will manage and to make sure that you have copies of / access to anything you need to ensure that he doesn't bother you again? If he doesn't work then presumably he's not contributing financially to the household?

If he's done this before then hopefully you can summon up enough outrage to make sure that you get rid this time? Flowers

Skyejuly · 22/12/2018 11:58

He is hoping panic turns to forgiveness. Prick

MyKingdomForBrie · 22/12/2018 12:03

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this and I hope you and the dc can still have a nice Christmas.

Whatever you do, do not let him back in. He is vile.