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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate my tight-arsed colleagues?

192 replies

JumperJapes · 21/12/2018 14:34

NC as outing.

AIBU to absolutely despise my colleagues? We had a Christmas Jumper Day last week, £2 suggested donation to local charity. About 60-70 staff on site, about 80% wore jumpers. Charity box in staff room.
We raised £32.
How can people wear the jumpers, join in on the fun but not put a couple of quid in for charity? How mean and tight can you be?

OP posts:
CallMeRachel · 21/12/2018 19:20

If they didn't want to/couldn't afford £2, they should have worn 'normal' clothes

What, and be known as either mean, Grinch-like or no fun?

At the end of the day it's raised £32 for a charity that wouldn't have got anything without the collective effort.

YABU really as you can't police what people wear or how much they should donate. People are genuinely struggling. Some are just cheeky and mean but you get these same people at every collection in the workplace.

malmi · 21/12/2018 19:40

Anyone who didn't want to donate should have been forced to wear an 'I hate Charity' badge. That would have helped up your takings, I'm sure!

Personally I don't carry cash so if I want to donate to these types of thing I usually do so online.

AJPTaylor · 21/12/2018 19:42

We told people of the text to donate number. People more likely to do that. Or walk round with a bucket.

Punto1 · 21/12/2018 19:56

Say for example the chosen charity of the day is MS.
I don't know anything about it. I've heard of it, but I don't know anyone with it, and really don't know anything at all about it.
The person who has chosen the charity may have very close links to someone who suffered or suffers from MS.

However, perhaps I have lived on the streets, so I give to homeless people.
Perhaps I've been in a domestic violence shelter, so I donate to my local one.
Perhaps I've had to use food banks in the past, so I donate food to the local bank. Perhaps I also volunteer there.
Perhaps I have a love for animals, so I donate to a donkey charity.
Perhaps I have empathy for Palestinian children, so I donate to them.

My bugbear is, that it is SO personal what charity you will take to your heart, that this work forced charity to a cause personal to one member of staff, drives me batty. The suggestion is, that if it wasn't for these do-gooders, none of us would give to charity at all.

The reality is, that it might not just be a persons' chosen charity, and shaming them into it, when they may have been charitied out for the year, is a pile of crap.

I hate it.

Punto1 · 21/12/2018 20:06

It's also worth mentioning, if any of you are Christian, that the Pharisees, or some dudes in charge, tried to shame a woman who gave (let's call it a penny as I can't remember the currency), when there were men giving 10 pounds in the collection of alms.
Jesus stood up and said, for Billy Big Balls here, 10 pounds represents 2% of his salary.
For this lady, who only gave a penny, that represented 100% of everything she had. She had nothing to live on after that.
And he questioned the Pharisees or whatever they were, as to who was being the most generous.
Can you tell it's been a while since I've been to church? Lol
But that's the gist of the story.

Sometimes, I will have nothing left to my name, only a roof over my head and my bills paid, but I will see someone, sitting on the ground, begging. And my few coins left, are better in their pocket than in mine. Because to have a roof over your head is a basic need, that some people do not have. They don't worry about locking their door. They worry about whether they will survive the night.

It's just different charities for different people and I think charities should be banned from the workplace.

Punto1 · 21/12/2018 20:10

And if you MUST promote charity in the workplace, maybe have a yearly charity donation day, which lists maybe 100 charities and how to donate, so it might facilitate people in donating to THEIR CHOSEN charity.

Punto1 · 21/12/2018 20:10

Can you tell I feel strongly about this? Grin

MulticolourMophead · 21/12/2018 20:10

It's like when we have collections where I work, for birthdays/weddings/leaving presents/retirement gifts - the envelope comes round and people write on it how much they have given.

Now that's unusual, I've never been un an office where people write down how much they gave. Names on the big envelope, yes, it shows where the card has been. But amounts? No.

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2018 20:21

OP you cannot dictate when your colleagues wear their own darned Christmas jumpers.

tinyme77 · 21/12/2018 20:26

I'm with you OP. If they can afford the jumper they can afford the £2

Livelovebehappy · 21/12/2018 20:33

It depends on the charity tbh. There are some charities I will not donate to, so would direct my money to a charity of my choice. And it shouldn’t exclude you from joining in with works Xmas jumper day just because you don’t like the charity chosen.

Sashkin · 21/12/2018 21:08

Carrot £10pw for six months? So £260 each, for somebody’s retirement present? In an average-sized school that would be more than £10k! 😱😱😱

FFS, what did they buy her, a car?

MarthaArthur · 21/12/2018 21:35

Ffs yabu. Charity giving is private and personal. I despise this bullshit of trying to force and bully people into donating to charities people might not even support.

Mag1cMarket · 21/12/2018 21:37

I've worked a couple of places where lots of charity fund raising takes place for a variety of charities. I've been the person who has made the posters, sent the emails, talked to people, been round with the bucket on multiple occasions. People have been generous, but they get fed up of the continuous requests and I can sympathize. People have also been encouraged to sign up to monthly charity giving that has tax free additional donations. People also donate outside work. This month we have had several requests to donate to charities and to food bank. I do donate. I have been grateful to all donations, but I would never be annoyed at anyone who does not donate, because they have probably donated in the past or outside work. It's not all about money either, sometimes it's about time, effort, being kind to others. Please think about the wider picture. I wear my Xmas jumper for a few weeks, not just one day

BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2018 21:46

Ffs yabu. Charity giving is private and personal. I despise this bullshit of trying to force and bully people into donating to charities people might not even support.

Agreed and the Chugger bullies are always generous with Other People’s Money, never their own, funny that Hmm

Schuyler · 21/12/2018 21:50

I don’t know why you even bothered posting on here, you only think your views are right. You have no idea if people are skint, genuinely had no cash or even donated online.

nickiredcar · 21/12/2018 21:50

Yabu. You should be happy over the 32. Christmas is an expensive time of year and many don't have cash.

Shitmewithyourrhythmstick · 21/12/2018 21:56

I'm left wondering whether you'd have been moaning if the non-payers had elected not to wear the jumpers at all, in a more obviously visible manifestation of their unwillingness to go along with your idea. You will presumably reply that you wouldn't, but nothing you've posted so far makes you sound like you'd gracefully let it go.

delboysskinandblister · 21/12/2018 22:07

@Punto1 - totally with you. Beautiful sentiment. Xmas Smile

Ethel36 · 22/12/2018 16:13

100% agree with @Punto1

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/12/2018 16:35

This idea that charging people to wear their own clothes is somehow reasonable - “good” even - is such a typically controlling, uptight aspect of British culture. As though dress code rules are really important but if you stick a couple of quid in a box they don’t matter. It’s like a super de scaled version of Catholic Indulgences.

Don’t set up an charity fundraising activity that Others those who don’t participate. Let people give what they fuck they like to who the fuck they like. If you want to give or raise money for a particular cause I’m all for supporting you, but don’t try and use some kind of hold on people’s day-to-day lives (like what they can wear) to coerce them into it. At least they took the small step of having an anonymous box instead of making hand over their cash at the door or to some office Christmas jumper monitor so it wasn’t quite the sort of oppressive virtue Olympics you seem to want.

CripsSandwiches · 22/12/2018 18:10

Obviously YANBU, you don't have to wear the christmas jumper, and almost everyone can afford £2. They'll afford much more than in gifts for various different people. I do think those people are more concerned with how they look than what they do. They want to look festive so wear the jumper, they want to look generous so give gifts but don't chuck a few quid in the charity because no one sees - so the prioritise the other stuff. I bet if it was a drinks party they'd find £2 for a glass of wine.

CripsSandwiches · 22/12/2018 18:11

@BoomBoomsCousin
Such a funny attitude. I'm too cheap to donate to your cause but am too ashamed to actually admit it so I join in but just don't pay. If you don't want to donate to a cause then own it by admitting it.

namechangedforanon · 22/12/2018 18:20

Someone should have gone round with a bucket

blueskiesandforests · 22/12/2018 18:21

They wore the jumper because if they didn't people like you JumperJapes would shame them for not "joining in" with the "fun" for charity.

Why have an anonymous collection box but an in your face badge of non participation?

Enjoying dressing informally is not the same as enjoying the semi compulsory wearing of a nylon or itchy wollen "Christmas jumper" .

Perhaps next time go around and collect from those wearing the glaringly obvious badge of participation. The anonymity was fake from the inception of the idea.