Spirited London - how old are you? Have you much life experience?
I'm 46 and I've seen this in real life with appalling long term effects. Friends & family have told me of instances they know of this, and as pp says there's loads of examples on the relationship board on here.
One "family" where the parents who both had residency of their then early teen children, announce on a weekend that they'd sold their respective homes and bought another larger one together and the whole lot were moving in together that Monday - yep 2 days notice! They'd been dating less than a year. They ended up together about 5 years, by then the damage to the parent/child relationships were deeply entrenched. All the children involved, are now adults and have children of their own. I'm still in contact with the woman's side and she bemoans that her children have little time for her and she rarely sees her grandchildren, well you reap what you sow. She's done nothing to try and repair the relationship with her children just expects them to treat her well and not even mention her fuck ups!
Another family I know, mother was cheating on the father, that relationship broke down, affair partner presented as new partner a few months after (but kids knew as they'd seen mum kissing him prior to marital breakdown, at the time too young to completely make sense of it), a couple years later kids in boarding school (I suspect due to him not wanting them around) they came home for a school holiday to discover their mother had married him - without even telling them. Again, relationship between kids and mother permanently wrecked basically.
Single mum who hates being single, stays in same home (and somehow thinks this makes it ok) but every year - 2 years a new guy moves in with them usually less than 6 months of dating in (and that can include mum only knowing them that length of time). Relationship breaks up, swears she's not making same mistake again... Until she meets another and then it's "but he's different" 🙄
Personally I've been single 15 years - as in not lived with or even introduced anyone to dd in that time as nobody I've dated has been worth it or around long enough. But then I'm not entirely sure that's a huge improvement either as it means dd hasn't lived with an example of a good relationship but then my experience is that there's very few good relationships out there. Out of everyone I know - around 200 friends according to Facebook, a few aren't on there - there's less than 12 I would say are good healthy relationships, and of those only 3 don't involve at least one party having been in a previous marriage/long term relationship.
I didn't plan things this way it's just how it's turned out.
My own mother prioritised my dad all our lives. So it's not just single mums/parents that do this. He's a violent, abusive, narcissistic alcoholic. He always comes first with her always has. She denies but there's been times I and my siblings really needed her presence and support but because my dad has made it awkward for her she's prioritised him every time.
Peaksafespace - the first situation disrupts the children's education, friendships, home, support network and even removes a beloved pet and puts them into an unsuitable home! That's in no way shape or form at all arguably in any way positive!
The second - I don't know about you but I've NEVER left dd with anyone I don't know extremely well of either sex and (admittedly due to own experiences) there are fewer than 5 men I have or would ever leave her in their sole care! I think that's largely sensible and normal.
Do you really see nothing wrong with BRAND NEW boyfriends being left being the sole carer of a child at an age when they're most vulnerable and can't even tell anyone if the boyfriend treats them like shit?! That's appallingly poor parenting bordering on neglect/abuse in my opinion!
"Why don't you start a thread about all those households where the parents shout and argue in front of the kids all day long then? I suspect there are a lot more of those than single mums who find another man." Both are bad, entirely possible to have a thread about one without denying the other happens. And I'd argue (see my own background/experience) that often this is just another example of parents prioritising their needs over their children's.
I've also seen single dads rush to introduce their new partners to their children, often affair partners and with no regard to the effects on the children - very common actually.
"Judging by the defensive or deflective posts from some on here, I’m guessing a number of the posters are exactly the ones the OP is referring to!" Quite possible.
"You never know if anyone is safe. Teachers. Mothers. Enhanced DBS. Priests. TV personalities.
Are you that nieve that you think certain people can be trusted because of their position in society?" No you never know, but statistically men are far more likely to be abusive than women, particularly sexually. Also background checks, knowing someone well reduces the risk. Leaving a very vulnerable child with a man you barely know is plain stupid!
Pinknike - op specifically said BRAND NEW boyfriend, not one the mothers known 3 years who likely knows the children well. And with children under 2 who are much less likely to be clearly verbal.
"They care more about their own sexual desires than the wellbeing of their children." Totally agree!
"And overall neediness and inability to be on their own" yep.
I also think 6 months MINIMUM. Before new boyfriends/girlfriends are even introduced to children. Not just the potential for abuse, but to avoid the emotional damage done by children getting attached to someone, the relationship ends and then they lose someone they cared about even maybe loved. You cannot possibly know if a relationship even has potential before then imo. Personally I'd say 9 month to a year even better. And yes posters who admit they introduced their children to new people in 3 months or less are selfish, irresponsible and not prioritising their children appropriately. Absolutely no need for it.
Lonelyandtired - I am just as critical of poor behaviour from fathers too. Perfectly possible to hate both types of shit parenting. The lack of enforcement of maintenance laws, the low level of maintenance, introduction of new gf too soon, prioritising new gf kids over own kids, not seeing own kids - all just as despicable and discussed a lot on mn but not what this particular thread is about. And just because there are shit dads doesn't mean shit mums should escape censure.
Madnstressed - I'd say that was more luck than judgment. 2 months is no time at all to know anyone. I wouldn't houseshare with someone I'd only known that long! Let alone move in a new boyfriend with such a young baby.
"I don't think no maintenance/falling into poverty is the worst thing that can happen to a child after their parents split.
If only it was." So sadly true.
Also - regarding those saying "it worked out for us" you can't really know for sure until the kids involved are adults. Many abuse victims don't disclose until then. Other low level issues may well also not be revealed until then.
I also know of families where step-parents were carefully and gradually introduced, the children adore them, all parents prioritise the children, original children, step and half siblings are all treated equally/fairly. Step and blended families CAN work very well. I have one friend who was walked down the aisle by both her biological father and her stepfather, both men got along very well to the point when one became terminally ill the other was one of the people involved in their care. If adults actually act like adults it can work extremely well.