Putting men before DCs

[Write]

I expect to be flamed but I’m beyond caring at this stage, sorry if that sounds goady!

I know so many women in real life who have jeapordized their children’s quality of life for a new men and sadly I know a few who have endangered their children too. I feel like banging my head against a wall!

A relative of mine has just moved her two DCs away from their schools, family and even got rid of their beloved dog to move halfway across the county with a man who has never worked a day in his life into his tiny filthy flat.
I’ve had friends allow (and be delighted) with brand new boyfriends minding their under 2 year old babies.

I can’t see how these otherwise intelligent women can be so blinded by love!

Some posters will say anything and twist anything to avoid theactualissue the Op and most others are talking about, simply so they can carry on believing that doing whatever they like is perfectly fine

Absolutely.

This thread has obviously hit a nerve with some posters and they are finding a way to circumvent the issue.

See this is the problems with this threads.

People being snidy to anyone who disagree.
Other people being snidy about someone who says they would prefer to be in a relationship.
People snidy about people being happily single

People can disagree with the OP, dispite not having a live in partner.

I agree with pps point. But don't agree this should just be aimed at single mothers. Nor should people be claiming it's not as bad when men do it.

Calling it whataboutry or claiming people only disagree because they have done it, is just trying to shut people down and shows you can't have a decent discussion.

JacquesHammer

I said over the last 5 years I have had opportunity, but hey, what’s reading what I wrote between friends?!

No you didn't, you said "I could have had" meaning a relationship. Quite clear.

The point is this. Assuming you are not celibate then your personal circumstances allow you to at least spend "special" time with a man. Suppose that they did not, and it was you on your own 24/7. Would you be celibate ? Because otherwise you child is going to know about the other adult unless you sneak them in after bed time. Also you would be facing the judgement of people like yourself who don't think strange men should be anywhere near children. A bad mother, desperate for a man.

But don't agree this should just be aimed at single mothers

There are plenty of other threads, and even posts within this thread, discussing people other than single mothers.

It would be near impossible to discuss every single type of person/individual in every single thread.

Why is it so bad to have one thread discussing one type of situation?

Why is it so bad to have one thread discussing one type of situation?

This is what I don’t understand. It’s not a woman bashing or single parent bashing thread as some people are trying to make out. It’s a thread about a certain type of situation.

Why is it so bad to have one thread discussing one type of situation?

This is what I don’t understand. It’s not a woman bashing or single parent bashing thread as some people are trying to make out. It’s a thread about a certain type of situation.

Because conversations evolve 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP: I'm hosting Christmas dinner but my sister won't eat vegetables. She's annoying me because she won't tell me what she'd like instead. AIBU to just give her turkey and gravy?

What about men who don't eat vegetables? Your OP is very misogynistic.

I hosted Christmas last year and my sister ate all the vegetables I made for her. It worked out well for us!

Huggybear16 that's not the same though.

It would be

My sister doesn't eat vegetables, another female friend doesn't. Why do so many women not eat vegetables? Don't they know they have to set a good example to their children?

And you would have to put the friend and sister into a group that is already labelled as a group whose children will already be disadvantaged and that are judged alot anyway.

That would be nearer than your version.

That would be nearer than your version

No. I know what I meant, just like the OP here knew what she meant. We don't need other posters rewording the question for us to make THEM happier about THEIR situation.

I am not in the situation the OP described. So no, I don't disagree with anyone to make myself feel better.

You tried to come up with a similar situation. I disagreed with it. It's that simple.

I am not in the situation the OP described

But other posters are.

But don't agree this should just be aimed at single mothers

It's really not.

Whomever the kids live with post-break up is the one providing the stability (or not). In my case, it was my dad. I judge him, and I judge my mother too.

I fail to see how it's an unfathomable sacrifice, in the context of all the sacrifices that you'll make for your child over your lifetime, to give them a childhood where your romantic life is hidden from their view. Or at the very least, you have the judgement to devote years to vetting a partner before involving your children in any meaningful sort of way.

I haven’t read a sadder thread in a while. Why is it always women expected to sacrifice everything to make it all perfect for everyone else while forgetting about their needs as a person. Because they aren’t human, clearly. Their raison d’etre is a husband/children. They aren’t worth anything in their own right, once the children are there, clearly a woman ceases to exist as she is replaced by this saintly ‘mother’ entity who needs or wants for nothing for herself, ever.

What a load of misogynistic crap this thread. Sad to see women aren’t respected or valued. Throw ‘em under the bus once a baby arrives. A mother is not a person really.

Why is it always women expected to sacrifice everything

How is not allowing a man or woman you barely know to move in with you and your children "sacrificing everything" ?

I knew a lady who moved her partner in with her, he was horrible, she idolised him, she had a teenage daughter he was awful to her, he even said in front of me if you don’t like it you can move out, she was 13 😢 the Mum took his side. It was more the daughters house than his. I couldn’t stay friends with this lady after that. Men are arseholes, they go off and have another life and leave their children without a thought, if women decide to do the same thing what happens to the children 😢

@huggybear16 to be fair, this is very long thread with lots of views. @million is referring to the thread, not the OP. For what it’s worth, I agree, with some of the PP. I’m happily married but if that changed I wouldn’t want to feel I had to stay single until my DS was 18. I would simply want to introduce any long term partner in an appropriate and respectful way. I was single for a significant period before I met my DH, so I don’t have a problem with being single, and I adore my DS, so I also have no issue focusing on him. However, I wouldn’t want to actively avoid meeting someone. And I don’t think ultimately my DS would want that for me either.

I would simply want to introduce any long term partner in an appropriate and respectful way

This is the viewpoint of the majority of posters on the thread, including me.

I AM a single parent. I AM a feminist. I DONT think I should stay single forever because I have a child, BUT I don't think my life is less fulfilling because I don't have a man. I DO think blended families can work, and that in some cases it works BETTER than if the two biological parents stay together "for the sake of the children".

To say the thread is misogynistic and is single parent shaming without specifying which posts in particular you are referring to suggests the poster either hasn't read the whole thread or hasn't understood it.

There are so many first hand accounts and experiences in this thread. These posters deserve to have their opinions heard without being labelled as misogynists/sad/pathetic/whatever else. They have explained the devastating impact this has had on them - if this makes just one woman OR MAN, think twice before introducing their new partner to their children, then it has been worthwhile.

The majority of posters have said that they would feel exactly the same if it was a mother or father doing this. That's not misogynistic, and to label an entire thread as misogynistic and sad shows either lack of understanding or that they haven't read the whole thread.

Sorry wrong thread I've reported it myself