Putting men before DCs

[Write]

I expect to be flamed but I’m beyond caring at this stage, sorry if that sounds goady!

I know so many women in real life who have jeapordized their children’s quality of life for a new men and sadly I know a few who have endangered their children too. I feel like banging my head against a wall!

A relative of mine has just moved her two DCs away from their schools, family and even got rid of their beloved dog to move halfway across the county with a man who has never worked a day in his life into his tiny filthy flat.
I’ve had friends allow (and be delighted) with brand new boyfriends minding their under 2 year old babies.

I can’t see how these otherwise intelligent women can be so blinded by love!

@LuaDipa what a lovely post. X

Not wrong in the fact single mothers can't win and seem to be judged harshly.
I’ve never found this as a single mother. Regardless, this thread is about certain behaviors and not single mothers at all.

I don't see how it is nonsense at all. You judge people who make what you consider to be poor decisions, and you cast aspersions about them. Yet when you had a child with a man you later decide you are happier without, damn sure you'd be fucked off if someone started saying what a fool you were.

Elon that what I was saying before. People are judging single mums for what they view as poor choices, yet they have possibly made poor choices themselves.

Also completely disagree that the RP decisions and relationships affect the children more. My sons father met another woman within weeks of ds being born. He put her before ds, he chose not to bother with ds because it was more fun living it up with his new woman. He even lied and told me he was moving abroad.

His actions have impacted ds massively and will impact his whole life massively, because he's grown up without his real father.

There are probably loads of women like me and yet here's a thread judging that group of women.

It wouldn't be acceptable to target any other group of people in such a negative way.

this thread is about certain behaviors and not single mothers at all.

It's about certain behaviours of some single mothers.

Despite the fact that the behaviours aren't exclusive to single mothers.

You judge people who make what you consider to be poor decisions
I judge people who put their children in danger yes.

Damn sure you’d be fucked off if someone started saying what a fool you were
Not particularly, I’d think them quite peculiar but I can’t say I’d be “fucked off” as I’m satisfied I have always done the best by my child, always made sure her safety and security was paramount.

I don't think it's judging. I believe a child thrives on hav dung at least one secure stable parent. Which means even if another parent is dysfunctional as long as one parent is a rock and puts the child first the outcome is better. Of course they're are always exceptions, remember these children have already endure a break up of some sort. They need more reassurance for their self esteem.

I don't think it's judging. I believe a child thrives on hav dung at least one secure stable parent.

Yeah, well a lot of people believe that a child who only has one RP is at a significant disadvantage compared to one with both, and that women who bring children into the world whilst in a relationship that won't last are irresponsible and selfish and all the rest. Here you have single mums looking down their noses at other single mums for not being single enough

Which means even if another parent is dysfunctional as long as one parent is a rock and puts the child first the outcome is better.

Ah so it's ok if father fuck up and are feckless. As long as their mums are whiter than white and never make a mistake, it's all good.

Fucking he'll women can't win. But it feels worse when it's other women judging.

Here you have single mums looking down their noses at other single mums for not being single enough
Read my OP. It’s literally referring to mothers who 1-endanger their children with reckless decisions 2- jeaopdize their quality of life and stability by uprooting them for a brand new relationship.

You’re seeing things that aren’t there and looking to be offended.

women can't win
Oh please.

1-endanger their children with reckless decisions 2- jeaopdize their quality of life and stability by uprooting them for a brand new relationship

Yeah, and that's what you did by :

1. Having a child with a man you cannot be in a relationship with.

1. Deciding on the child's behalf it was better for them not to have a resident father.. to be on your own.

So ... ?

Ah so it's ok if father fuck up and are feckless. As long as their mums are whiter than white and never make a mistake, it's all good.

That's essentially what people are saying. They might not be saying those exact words, but the message is there.

The behaviours described on this thread are not in any way shape or form exclusive to single mothers. Parents of both sexes, including in homes where both biological parents reside, fuck up there kids lives all the time. Yet here we have a thread targeting single female parents.

Yet the excuse is "oh but I'm not discussing dads/married mums".

If someone started a thread like this about behaviour of any other group of people, then there'd be hell. E.g Aibu to think black people who do this, then said "oh but I'm not here to discuss white people who do it too". Add in "I know loads of black people who do this", or "the woman at he contact centre said it nearly all black people who".

Deciding on the child's behalf it was better for them not to have a resident father.. to be on your own

My ex and I actually decided that together. Expect what we decided was that whilst we still had affection for each other, we wanted to ensure the relationship didn’t deteriorate to the detriment of DD and so we separated.

Elon read your own post and have a think about how ridiculous you sound.

A long term relationship breaking down is not even remotely the same thing as dragging DD across the country, pulling her out of school and away from family to move into the filthy flat of a man I’ve just met. Get a grip.

Write you keep going on about that one particular person as though it's typical behaviour. What you done is used an example of one person you know, and made out that this is something that single mothers have form for doing.

You didn't start a thread about that person, you started a thread about single mums putting men before their children, and used your example to bash everyone who doesn't meet your expectations with.

Elon read your own post and have a think about how ridiculous you sound.

I know how ridiculous it sounds. About the same as all the people saying you must wait at least X months before doing x, y or z.

My ex and I actually decided that together. Expect what we decided was that whilst we still had affection for each other, we wanted to ensure the relationship didn’t deteriorate to the detriment of DD and so we separated

Oh well, that's OK then so people who judge you for bringing a child into an unsustainable relationship, and not giving them the best start with both parents resident and getting to see what a loving relationship looks like etc are wrong.

Hmm, I wonder how many of the women on here who are ready to slate others, can truly, hand on heart say that their relationship and circumstances were perfect and completely secure before they brought a child into that situation.

Oh well, that's OK then so people who judge you for bringing a child into an unsustainable relationship, and not giving them the best start with both parents resident and getting to see what a loving relationship looks like etc are wrong

You’re bizarrely defensive...tell you what you obviously want to judge to make yourself feel better. Knock yourself out champ

I don't think Elon is judging anyone or actually cares what anybody else does.

They are trying to make people see the ridiculousness of judging other people by your own made up set of ideals.

Hmm, I wonder how many of the women on here who are ready to slate others, can truly, hand on heart say that their relationship and circumstances were perfect and completely secure before they brought a child into that situation

Honestly? Yes I would. Unfortunately the stress of years of fertility treatment meant we ended up as friends and housemates but not a married couple. As I said earlier we could have plodded on but we didn’t want to get to a situation that we didn’t like each other and DD was in a negative atmosphere. We separated 8 years after she was born.

They are trying to make people see the ridiculousness of judging other people by your own made up set of ideals

Is it seriously a made up set of ideals to say “you risk harming children if you rush into a new relationship”? I would have though that’s pretty obvious

Jacques I don't feel that is the way this thread has gone unfortunately.

I have been told by at least one poster, that I'm putting my teenage son in danger by leaving him alone with my husband, who I've been married to for several years.

I have been told by at least one poster, that I'm putting my teenage son in danger by leaving him alone with my husband, who I've been married to for several years

Why does one poster determine the way the thread has gone?

I’m one poster. I said earlier I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either a single mother or a single father having a relationship. What is important for me is how that relationship is handled with regards to any children

With regards to your son I would say there’s a big difference between leaving a teenager with someone you’ve been with for several years and leaving a non-verbal child with a new partner. I think that’s a fairly reasonable risk assessment.

Pinknike

Exactly ! I'm glad someone understood.