Wife no libido

[B1ug1f]

Seen a few similar threads but this has a twist.
My wife has no libido. We have sex 3 times a year if that. I love the thought of having a healthy sex life with her. She has gone through the menopause and is dry down below. She has tried various remedies but have not worked. Sex is painful for her so i fully understand she doesn't want it. I am horny for her all the time.i love her. I have asked her if she would pleasure me or give me oral to take away the constant urge and huge frustrations i have. I know i have to be patient and supportive which i am but i get no effection at all from her. Am i being insensitive.my only relief is masterbation. A womans view would be appreciated

Of course he doesn't have to live in a sexless marriage, he absolutely has the option of leaving and imo that is the best option if he really feels that his need for sex is stronger than his need for everything else in the relationship.

He has talked to her and she is not interested in sex. It's one of those things where there is no compromise. He has to accept it or leave.

Such a sad situation. Her refusal to be intimate or affectionate could be interpreted as a passive aggressive move on her part to force an end to the marriage.

Not the menopause but my vagina was badly damaged during childbirth leading to soreness and pain. I didn’t want sex or any type of intimacy for all the reasons people have listed. I tried, but hated it so it was crap for both me and DH. DH sat me down and said that while he loved me and wanted to stay together, he never wanted to have sex again as it was ruining our relationship. I can’t tell you how horrific that felt.

But I was determined not to lose my husband and instead focused on a different ahem sort of sex which has completely reinvigorated our intimacy. I know some people will scoff but it genuinely is something you could explore. It requires lots of foreplay so i find it better and more fulfilling than the sex we had before anyway.

Any one with this issue should get HRT

I can't take HRT because of history of breast, ovarian and womb cancer in my family including my mum.
HRT is not for everyone. People need to stop presuming that HRT is the answer to everything

Without wanting to sound selfish as i am sure some people will jump on this. If a wife loves her husband but does not want sex is other forms of intimacy as the greenlight wrote not the way to go.the last thing kn my eifes mind is any form of intimate contact. I could cry

@B1ug1f

This must be so hard for both of you. I imagine you feel rejected and she feels incredibly guilty.

I imagine there's a lot going on with her head as well as her body. I had issues with sex after my having children and I felt immense guilt and inadequacy. I felt resentful every time my husband tried to initiate sex because it just reminded me I was inadequate. I also shied away from intimacy because I was worried it would turn into sexual contact and I would have to say "no", yet again. I know this was not his fault, and that I had lots of things to work through.

How are other aspects of your relationship? Are you spending quality time together? Is communication good? Are you still doing the little day to day kindnesses for each other? Like making the other a cup of tea when making your own, planning a nice dinner for each other, buying little things that seem insignificant but show you care - e.g. if my husband sees my favourite crisps in a corner shop he well always buy it and vice versa. If everything else is strong except the intimacy/sex side, then maybe some counseling could help? I think some honest communication with no pressure could be cathartic for you both.

For what it's worth, I don't think you are unreasonable/bad/unfair for wanting a physical relationship with your wife, as long as you are not pressuring her.

Thanks. Everything else is great. We spead most of our time togethor. Hold hands when we walk make each other brews .i tell her i love her every day and she looks beautiful but scared of doing that now as i feel its not wanted.even if she was to come upto me and cuddle i would be happy