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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be left out of a boyfriends Christmas event

343 replies

Leftbehind40 · 19/12/2018 10:35

Just that! Boyfriend of six months .. see him once or twice a week as we live half hour away from eachother. Stay over now and again. See him when suits him really as he has busy life but me, not so much. Anyway , he had big gathering of friends .. an annual tradition , at the weekend . All friends and their girlfriends there.. but not me ! I thought it may be a good occasion for me to be introduced to them and get to know them but alas, I was home alone . He said it because it was an hour away and they were staying
Overnight ... but I could have driven separately and would have loved to have gone to meet them. I am beginning to think I am
Not a priority. I was at home alone again over the weekend with nothing to do or nobody to meet while he was with his family, literally ten minutes down the road. He needs a lot of space clearly . We did spend a nice evening late last week( last minute atrangementby him) and he stayed overnight but left straight after breakfast. AIBU???

OP posts:
Holly2017 · 19/12/2018 11:14

Does he call you his girlfriend?

Missingstreetlife · 19/12/2018 11:14

At 6 months it should be quite absorbing, no? He has other priorities.
Get a hobby or move on, you can do and deserve better

HollowTalk · 19/12/2018 11:14

Both of these were occasions where most people would be with someone. I think he was either with someone himself or there was someone he was interested in. Either way, he's not treating you the way that he should be so I'd gracefully withdraw ie dump his arse.

MsLexic · 19/12/2018 11:15

Well, sorry but quite obviously you are seen as a bit on the side and unimportant. I would never forgive him for that and assume that there was another girl at his bash.
He sounds a massive horrible twat. Dump him.
Get a nice boyfriend who shows you respect and kindness, not this 100% fool.

FetchezLaVache · 19/12/2018 11:16

What is it they say - don't make someone a priority if they only treat you as an option? He's very clearly treating you as an option, OP. Time to decide if you're OK with being essentially a booty call or would rather cut your losses and find a more equal relationship.

PaintingOwls · 19/12/2018 11:17

I wasn't invited to my boyfriend's best friend's wedding when we were together for 4 years and he was best man. At the time I was fuming, but the B&G only wanted friends and family there and as I'd only met them once before I didn't make the cut. It's shit, but it doesn't always mean that sinister forces are at play.

Has he met your friends and family?

You say you only see each other when it suits HIM. Do you ever say no to him? Are you ever unavailable or are you there at his beck and call?

trulybadlydeeply · 19/12/2018 11:19

Doesn't sound good OP. Have you met any of his friends at all? Have you met ANY of his family?

When you go out, do you every socialise with other people? Or is it always just the two of you?

After 6 months, i would be expecting to get to know some family and friends a little. I think perhaps you need to ask him how he sees the relationship.

Huskylover1 · 19/12/2018 11:19

So everyone there was with their partners, except him? Nah. That doesn't sound right.

Be less available

oohyoudevilyou · 19/12/2018 11:21

You're not that important to him. Get rid.

SleepySofa · 19/12/2018 11:23

He’s not that into you. Dump him.

hellojason · 19/12/2018 11:23

I smell a rat. The rat might be your boyfriend (sorry) !!

BlingLoving · 19/12/2018 11:23

He was hosting the party? At 6 months I would absolutely expect to be invited to a party organised by my boyfriend. I might have SOME sympathy if it was someone else's party and they only wanted existing members of the "gang" there (although, I would never have dated someone who was part of such a friendship group as I hate that closed offness).

Are you friends on social media? Have you met a single one of his friends/family? If not, I'm afraid he's got a girlfriend or wife already and you're his bit on the side. At best, he doesn't see you as an actual girlfriend just someone to have a good time and a shag when he feels like it. I'm really sorry, you deserve better. Unfortunately, I think some men can spot a woman who is lonely and willing to be available at their convenience a mile away. I'd say he's targeted you.

KatharinaRosalie · 19/12/2018 11:23

Owls but it was the bride ang groom who decided over the guest list, not your DP.

eddielizzard · 19/12/2018 11:26

That's not showing much commitment. I'd be moving on. And I think you need to start broadening your social circle so you're not so dependant on BF's in the future.

JayoftheRed · 19/12/2018 11:26

Oh I had this. My boyfriend (of 4 years by the end, what a waste of time) used to have Christmas get togethers without me. He used to make a fuss about coming to anything I organised, even just drinks with friends but never included me in anything.

I could understand not wanting to meet his family after 6 months, although personally I think that's plenty of time to know whether this relationship has legs, but not being included with his friends is not on.

My ex used to have a great big family meet up every Boxing Day. After the first two years, I used to beg to come. I loved him, I thought the relationship was going places. I wanted to meet his grandparents - I pointed out that if we ever got married, they would be complete strangers at my wedding, and I wouldn't be inviting strangers to my wedding (that was not my best move, admittedly). He simply wouldn't let me. He literally told me that he didn't want me there, I didn't belong. Why the hell it took me another two years to fuck him off I have no idea.

Don't be me. If he isn't including you then he never will.

When my ex told me his grandfather had died (we had split by then but still friends), I callously said that as I'd never been allowed to meet the bloke, it meant nothing to me. It was a nasty dig, and I'm not that sort of person at all. So don't become me, and turn into some nasty bitch. Fuck him off now and find someone who wants you in every corner of his life.

My now DH couldn't introduce me fast enough, and I knew that he was serious.

SushiMonster · 19/12/2018 11:26

C'mon girl, you are worth more than this

SleepySofa · 19/12/2018 11:27

Also, people saying that after 6 months, they’d normally only be seeing a boyfriend once or twice a week, and not thinking about Christmas plans? That’s fine if you’re both on the same page, but it’s also fine, and normal, to see each other a lot more at this stage too. By the time then-DP and I had been together 6 months, we saw each other all weekend and one or two nights mid week. We now own a home together, are married and have a child. Getting involved quickly doesn’t mean it’s not a solid relationship.

Rosehip10 · 19/12/2018 11:28

Is your boyfriend from a more middle class background than you?

fruitbrewhaha · 19/12/2018 11:28

He doesn't sound like he is that keen on you OP.

I too think you need to develop your own friendships and social life. To raise your self esteem so you don't settle for being someone's fallback option. At 6 months you are normally making a boyfriend/girlfriend a priority.

And half an hour away from each other is not far.

MumW · 19/12/2018 11:30

All his friends and their girlfriends were invited but not you, with a lame excuse to boot. You deserve better, sorry but I think it's time to LTB.

Definitely washing your hair next time he calls for a spontaneous night together because he's not had a better offer.

trojanpony · 19/12/2018 11:33

He is not that into you. Sorry Flowers

ScrantonTheElectricCity · 19/12/2018 11:35
  1. There is someone else there that he fancies
  2. He wants to keep his options open in case...
  3. You embarrass him(sorry I hate writing that but it may be true)
  4. He is married
  5. He is a douche bag

If any of those are true then just get rid. You are worth more

chocatoo · 19/12/2018 11:41

Get rid and concentrate on finding someone who treats you better!

Livingoncake · 19/12/2018 11:41

Get rid and don’t even tell him. Why bother? Just don’t reply when he next gets in touch. Better yet, block him. He’s not treating you with respect, don’t give him any back.

Remove him from your life and find some hobbies or groups to join. Focus on filling your life and widening your social circle, and a decent bloke will follow in good time.

Original poster
Leftbehind40 · 19/12/2018 11:42

To
Answer your questions.. I’m late 20’s, he is early 30’s . I have very few friends and those that I have work weekends mostly and over Christmas . I have very minimal
Contact with my family and will be very alone this Christmas . I have met his family once but after much persuasion. It went well although I think one of his family didn’t take a liking to me but they are middle class yes, and I work in retail with little money, rented flat etc with little prospects while they are all professionals with their own homes, cars, regular holidays etc . I pay my bills and have little left over so hard for me to be involved with a man who has a busy social life and the creature comforts of life. I have met his friends a few times. We normally socialise on our own or stay on one of our houses to relax . I won’t see him much over Christmas either as he has a lot happening but he will meet me now and again . He is very attentive when together.. rarely
On his phone, engaging, loving etc . When apart we have contact through texting . He could have brought me to his friends house or I could have travelled alone . These people, his friends are also professionals
And outgoing whereas I am quiet in my personality . Yes I am
Always available

OP posts:
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