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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to be left out of a boyfriends Christmas event

343 replies

Leftbehind40 · 19/12/2018 10:35

Just that! Boyfriend of six months .. see him once or twice a week as we live half hour away from eachother. Stay over now and again. See him when suits him really as he has busy life but me, not so much. Anyway , he had big gathering of friends .. an annual tradition , at the weekend . All friends and their girlfriends there.. but not me ! I thought it may be a good occasion for me to be introduced to them and get to know them but alas, I was home alone . He said it because it was an hour away and they were staying
Overnight ... but I could have driven separately and would have loved to have gone to meet them. I am beginning to think I am
Not a priority. I was at home alone again over the weekend with nothing to do or nobody to meet while he was with his family, literally ten minutes down the road. He needs a lot of space clearly . We did spend a nice evening late last week( last minute atrangementby him) and he stayed overnight but left straight after breakfast. AIBU???

OP posts:

BerylStreep · 23/12/2018 13:27

Caitlyn Moran's book, How to Build a Girl has a bit in it which reminds me of your situation. Worth a read. I luffs Caitlyn

Oblomov18 · 23/12/2018 13:32

I'm sad reading this too. He's clearly not that into you. I'm sorry.
Please tell him. Finish it. And go and date someone else.

snoutandab0ut · 23/12/2018 13:38

You’ve done totally the right thing. I think it’s weird that there are people here who think it’s too much to expect to be invited to his party after 6 months! You don’t have to be married to expect to be included in your boyfriend’s social life. I’d invite even a casual date to a social event probably after a few weeks, it would be a snub not to. He sounds horrid and you’re better off without. Better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel like shit

Beeziekn33ze · 23/12/2018 14:13

Leftbehind
You've been brave and faced up to the reality of this man's behaviour. I'm reminded of flatmate saying to me, years later
And every time you started to stand on your own feet he'd come back again.

Sorry, iPad won't let me punctuate properly

Do consider trying new things in the New Year. One first of January, after feeling lonely and rejected, I made two phone calls. I booked classical concert tickets, just for me, and I found out about Buddhist meditation. The concerts gave me something to think about and the Buddhists were non judgemental and a calming, strengthening influence.
I'm not suggesting you necessarily do either but find something you've always wanted to know more about and just give it a go.
Sincerely wishing you good things for the future. 🌟

ferntwist · 23/12/2018 15:07

Sending you massive hugs OP. Spoil yourself this Christmas. After I finally split from my nasty ex I joined loads of Meet Up groups (they have a site and an app now I think) & a volleyball club and it was a great way of feeling better and meeting new people. I was having a great time on a beautiful cycle ride with a load of nice new people when my ex started texting me again. He was still being critical but obviously thought I’d come running at this second chance. Delete!

Tistheseason17 · 23/12/2018 16:00

I am really sorry it has turned out this way, OP. You sound lovely.

When you wrote, "When apart we have contact through texting" it made my blood boil. He does this as he is with someone else when he's texting - someone more important to him than speaking to you. Possible wife or OW.

I had a long distance relationship with my now DH and we spoke on the phone every night - talking is not difficult when you love the person you are speaking to.

Go out on NYW and have a fab time!

Jumbledletters · 23/12/2018 17:09

Well done OP. You are by no means the first to experience this kind of “relationship” and you’ll sadly be far from the last.

You’ve done the right thing - stay strong and ignore, ignore, ignore. I bet he’ll come running back with his tail between his legs but trust me, he will revert to old ways before long.

Sending you best wishes. Here’s to 2019.

BlingLoving · 23/12/2018 21:32

I think you did the right thing, but having said that, if you blocked him, then I'm not really surprised you haven't heard from him?

BumbleBeee69 · 23/12/2018 21:53

Just proves you did the right thing, he was totally using you

daisychain01 · 24/12/2018 03:29

Ok I guess. Haven’t heard anything from him whatsoever . I can’t imagine he will
Turn
Up at my door step
So I have my answer don’t I?

OP, cognitive behavioural therapy 'lite' :-

Turn your perception round.
He hasn't given you any answer
He has proved to you you made the right decision
Of course he won't reply to you, his ego is dented and he's got no response. You got the message through, you're not wasting a second more of your life on him.
A result, I'd have said!

Now picture how you would have been, had you not taken action.
You'd have wasted your Christmas Eve and the following days feeling crap and second rate because of him.

Instead you're free to choose exactly what you want to do, even if it's having a bubble bath with a glass of bubbly and watching a nice film of your choosing.

OldGrinch · 24/12/2018 19:33

Hope your OK OP thinking of you x

Motoko · 24/12/2018 20:28

OP, if you're on Twitter, there's a hashtag tomorrow, for people who are alone at Christmas, to join in and chat. It was started by Sarah Millican, and she usually starts it off. It's quite fun. #joinin

But, however you spend the day, there will be people on MN to chat to. Have a peaceful day and spoil yourself. Here's to a happy 2019, with new friends, hobbies, and maybe a lovely man, who treats you with respect and love.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 25/12/2018 10:24

Hope your ok today OP x

iamthewalrusgoogoogjoob · 25/12/2018 11:02

Op my ex was like this. I took whatever crumbs he threw me. Absolute knob. Made me feel like a loser.

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I didn't have a big family or large friendship circle either. I met my dh six months after ending it with Knobhead and he does have a large family, and very active socially. Now his family are my family and I've met loads of people through work and his work and friends. Changed my life. He was introducing me to people within a few months of dating.

WingsofaDragonfly · 27/12/2018 22:46

Hi op, I’ve been thinking of you, 24 years ago I was in the same position as you but not as brave, I just took the crumbs offered, I hope you’re ok and wish you the best for 2019.. I know it sounds like a cliche but 4 years later, I met my husband and have never been happier, life turns around when we least expect it, don’t get me wrong it’s not a fairytale, my husband irritates me something terrible but he loves and no one ever did before.

Original poster

Leftbehind40 · 28/12/2018 15:31

Thanks for messages. I’ve heard nothing . He didn’t pursue me although he did make half arsed attempts to talk to aquantances of mine about it . There really are ways and means to get me if he wanted to as his family home is near mine . I’ve heatd that he is doing as he said and is out with his family and friends every night so I know i did the right thing I it’s been lonely but strangely peaceful too. Wishing you all a wonderful new year and thank you all.

OP posts:

Honeyroar · 28/12/2018 15:33

He is a fool, he missed out on a good one. You sound a lovely lady who is very strong. Happy New Year to you too.

Coyoacan · 28/12/2018 17:22

Glad you got through this time well, OP. Now time to start on your New Year's Resolutions.

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