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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is NOT high maintenance

308 replies

Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:09

NC For this...Went out for dinner and drinks last night with friends. And as we’re sitting chatting, friend A asks have I had my lashes done)? Me...yes I got extensions for the Christmas period (as I usually do) , conversation leads on to a full scale what else have you done then??then me saying that I usually get my lashes, hair and nails done at Christmas. Hair I usually get styled 3-4 times a year. Nails I get done quite often (every 3 weeks) and lashes for Christmas, holidays and weddings etc. thought it was fairly normal and that she does the same pretty much?? Friend B states that she hasn’t done it much since kids, friend A agreed and says I must be high maintenance whilst laughing. (I most certainly am not) it’s just something I do at certain times of the year to chivvy myself up. I have two kids so I feel I’m allowed to look after myself. AIBU to think this is not high maintenance??

OP posts:
TimeWoundsAllHeals · 19/12/2018 10:10

Why are you taking some offhand comment so personally?

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 19/12/2018 10:11

It's all relative really. Compared to me and my lack of standards, its very high maintenence. Others won't think so at all. As long as you're happy, who cares.

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:12

I don’t know really I just feel a bit shocked that they would even say it as I don’t think I’m HM at all. Just looking for opinions I suppose?🤣

OP posts:
FrostyMoanyWind · 19/12/2018 10:14

I've never had lashes (what does that even entail?) or nails done. I get my hair cut once a year. So it sounds high maintenance to me!

GhostSauce · 19/12/2018 10:15

I guess it depends on your circle. I don't have any friends that have nails/eyelashes done, so it seems higher maintenance than I am accustomed to.

RangeRider · 19/12/2018 10:15

Friend B doesn't care about that sort of thing enough to find the time now she has kids (or just doesn't have the time & money). Friend A doesn't want Friend B to know that she makes the effort too and decided to laugh it off. It's no biggie. For all you know Friend A is now feeling bad about what she said and Friend B is feeling scruffy by comparison and wishing she had your organisational skills.

TimeWoundsAllHeals · 19/12/2018 10:15

Personally I can go days without even brushing my (bum length) hair. Haven’t had my hair cut since I was 12 and only ever had it styled on my wedding day. I don’t wear makeup or anything obviously. But I’m super lazy and don’t really see the point beautifying myself (ever heard the phrase “lipstick on a pig” lol).

I always thought “high maintenance” referred to a need to emotionally placate someone and walk on eggshells around them though rather than their beauty regime.

UpstartCrow · 19/12/2018 10:16

It's a bitchy thing to say, especially to a mate.

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:17

@frostymoanywind they are extensions on and around you own lashes to make them look fuller and longer. No need for mascara then also 🤣

OP posts:
BusySittingDown · 19/12/2018 10:17

It is normal. I know quite a lot of people who do the same.

I don't - I get my hair highlighted regularly and a trim every so often but the last time I got my nails done was on my wedding day 8 and a half years ago. I don't get anything else done. I sometimes think I will but then I end up spending my money on clothes and I'm rubbish at making appointments.

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/12/2018 10:18

Well, it is relative. But ‘high maintenance’ is a judgey term. Maybe they felt a little threatened about how glam and gorgeous you look and felt the need to undermine you ever so slightly (am sure it was unconscious if so). But it’s more to do with them really.

proseccoaficionado · 19/12/2018 10:19

Your friend should meet me. I only get my hair blowdried at the salon, nails once every 2 weeks, pedi once a month, eyebrows once at 6 weeks, haircut + dye once at 12 weeks and whenever I have the time I'm going to massage too.

GhostSauce · 19/12/2018 10:19

Is this kind of a regional thing? I live in a University town and people dress either very casual or arty/hippie like.

When i've been to cities up north and in Essex everyone seems to have their eyebrows/nails/tan done.

Notnowok · 19/12/2018 10:19

No you're not high maintenance. But so what if anyone thinks you are. It's a compliment in my book. The opposite is you've let yourself go. Which would you rather have said?
I get called it a bit and just laugh. All I do is wash my hair every day and wear minimal makeup always, would never wear leggings, sort of thing.
I 'm just tidy if that's high maintenance to some, that's not my problem. It's just me. Be you!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 19/12/2018 10:20

It’s high maintenance to me and my friendship group.

Elfinablender · 19/12/2018 10:20

It's pretty high maintenance. Not sure why you think that's a bad thing though?

Eliza9917 · 19/12/2018 10:20

I don't think it is but then I don't have kids and get my hair cut roughly quarterly, have my nails done, I self tan at home in the summer, I go for pedicures etc. My gym has a sauna & steam room that I regularly make use of - and i love a spa day!

Tbh I don't even know what high maintenance is even supposed to mean or why its an insult. Surely its about your own personal standards/time etc.

Pandamodium · 19/12/2018 10:21

It's not high maintenance. My younger sister in her friends get all that done and a full face of makeup professionally done for a normal night out.

It depends on your circle I suppose.

GhostSauce · 19/12/2018 10:23

A full face of makeup professionally done for a normal night out???!!! Whaaaaaat?

onalongsabbatical · 19/12/2018 10:24

Well it's maintenance of a particular look, and it takes a lot - compared to someone like me - of time and money, so to me it would qualify as hm but not in a judgey way, just in a measuring way. Were they being bitchy or just gently teasing is the point, and only you can know that OP. And if it makes you happy there's no reason on earth why you should take any notice of anyone's judgements.

LakieLady · 19/12/2018 10:24

It's all relative.

I have a colleague who has a mani/pedi every 3 weeks, hair extensions and highlights every 4-6 weeks, waxing, lashes and fake tan done approx monthly. And she's had her eyebrows microbladed and her teeth veneered.

She moans because she can't afford to leave home though!

Sarahandduck18 · 19/12/2018 10:25

It’s becoming the new normal for young women it seems.

But yes it is ridiculously high maintenance compared to the beauty standards of 20 years ago.

Women looked great in the 90s without fake nails, fake hair, fake lashes, fake tans, fake boobs and fake smooth faces.

If you want to do it do it but do realise that it’s an awful lot more maintenance than was ever previously required of women.

PattiStanger · 19/12/2018 10:28

It totally depends on your friendship circle so there's no definitive answer, amongst people I know you would be high maintenance but with others you might be slacking.

Don't sweat the small stuff

MsTSwift · 19/12/2018 10:30

In my circle that would be massively high maintenance but we are early 40s so this make a massive effort thing has passed us by. That said we were complimented by an elderly lecherous drunk on a recent night out so still got it Grin

KeysHairbandNotepad · 19/12/2018 10:31

I don't have those things done but that's because it's not my thing. You don't sound high maintenance to me.

Also what you do with your time and money isnt really any of their business. Your friends sound rude imo.

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