To think this is NOT high maintenance

[Highorlow]

NC For this...Went out for dinner and drinks last night with friends. And as we’re sitting chatting, friend A asks have I had my lashes done)? Me...yes I got extensions for the Christmas period (as I usually do) , conversation leads on to a full scale what else have you done then??then me saying that I usually get my lashes, hair and nails done at Christmas. Hair I usually get styled 3-4 times a year. Nails I get done quite often (every 3 weeks) and lashes for Christmas, holidays and weddings etc. thought it was fairly normal and that she does the same pretty much?? Friend B states that she hasn’t done it much since kids, friend A agreed and says I must be high maintenance whilst laughing. (I most certainly am not) it’s just something I do at certain times of the year to chivvy myself up. I have two kids so I feel I’m allowed to look after myself. AIBU to think this is not high maintenance??

Not at all! Before I had children I used to get expensive highlights every six weeks and gel nails every two. I was deffo the lowest maintenance person I knew!

It’s your body, do what you bloody like. Sounds like jealousy to me

You mix with very shallow people. Who on earth usually asks or talks about such things? I have never asked or been asked about 'beauty' routines, it seems invasive and personal.

I don't think I know anyone who does any of that. Oh hang on, maybe one or two of my younger pals.
However, it's none of my business how other people spend their time and money. Are these friends normally critical of you/others? Or has someone else (or online bullshit) made you feel uneasy about your particular preferences? It could have simply been friendly chat with no hostility; perhaps the one who doesn't have time any more was feeling a bit anxious that people will criticise her for 'letting herself go'.

Because unfortunately women's appearance is still a) the business of the general public, whether their opinions are wanted or not and b) a no-win game. If you spend time and money on it, you're vain, frivolous and princessy; if you don't you're lazy and ugly and 'selfish' (don't quite get that, but have heard it said...)

Sounds like jealousy to me

I must respectfully disagree with this. I am not at all jealous of the look that a lot of women go for.

Different people have different definitions of what is high maintenance.

Also different occasions call for different levels. I will have a spray tan, lashes, brows and hair done for a red carpet event, I’m currently typing this with Uncombed hair, wearing sweat pants and a t shirt as I’m on a break from cleaning my house.

I honestly wouldn’t give them a second thought. I know some people that think having a daily shower is “high maintenance”.

I’ve previously been dumped for being “too high maintenance” yet I don’t consider myself to be that at all, I just like to make the effort when the occasion calls.

Forget about the unkind words from your thoughtless and tactless ‘friend’

Jealous of what lily?

When someone says high maintenance I take it as an insult. It’s demeaning. Yanbu to be offended by a friend insulting you.

I don’t bother with eyelashes, nails etc but can’t see the problem with other people doing it. If it makes you feel good then why not?

Ffs, judgey friends, much.

No, not high maintenance at all, and so what if it was.

Like others have said, its relative. But it sounds like it was said in a bitchy way, so not nice.

I don't think I'm high maintenance. I never wear makeup unless going out (and I very rarely go out) I have a haircut once every six months if I remember. I don't paint my nails.

BUT
in the last month, I've had my lashes done as well (not a fan, but I thought I'd give it a go)
had my toenails gel polished
had my fingernails gel polished
had a facial (courtesy of groupon)

because its Christmas and I'm treating myself. And it sounds like that's what you do too.

My mother had her nails done once in her life on my wedding day. I have once had mine done and hated it. So it just depends on the person. I do dye my hair at home and sometimes trim the ends.

It's your body and assuming state benefits are not paying for it you can spend your own money how you choose.

I get my hair cut and coloured every few months. I have my nails done when I have time, would like to do them more. I get my lashes lifted and tinted. I get laser on spider veins on my face. I buy expensive make up.

No way do I look high maintenance. I look average. I actually generally look really low key.

@Elfinebkender maybe that OP has the time or money to spend on herself? Maybe she looks good! Who knows, just sounded a bit bitchy to me, I’d be sad if my friends labelleled me HM or judged me in anyway
(To be honestly this is something that could never be said of me )

I would say it is HM because I don't have it done myself, but that is my choice and this is yours.

I don't have the time or the money, but pre DC I used to have perfectly painted nails all the time (always done by myself though). Pre DC I used to get my hair highlighted every 6-8 weeks, now it is around twice a year.

I get my eyebrows waxed because a beautician friend does them for free. That's the extent of my beauty regime.

I don't wear makeup except for special occasions. I don't expect people to judge me for that like I don't judge them for wearing it every day.

I doubt that your friends meant to hurt you, but compared to them, they thought that you were HM because they don't get these things done.

@onalongsabbatical they were joking and laughing whilst saying it and yes I suppose they were not being bitchy (but imo why bother saying it then)

I really don’t think it’s HM at all, I don’t colour my hair, I’m not covered in make up or fake tan all then time. I have never had Botox or the likes so I don’t look “fake” as such I suppose it’s just a bit more glam, and my nails look tidier, they are not overly long and I usually get a French manicure so nothing crazy 🤷‍♀️

@GhostSause not you but OPs friends, just seems like a bitchy comment to make toward a friend? Obv could be wrong, I don’t know OPs friends

I think its relatively high maintenance. Just the nails every 3 weeks alone.

I dont think thats high maintenance! But then its all relative isnt it, i get my nails done sometimes, usually for an event like a wedding or christmas, hair done when the grey roots get too much, eyebrows done every 3-5 weeks. I think of that as fairly standard.

A friend of mine has eyelash extensions, nails done every 2 weeks (and toes), facials every few weeks, massages once a month, waxing every 6 weeks. She doesnt see herself as high maintenance but to me thats a lot of money and time - i dont think SHE is high maintenance though!

Another friend does all of the above but also has hair extensions too. Again, more maintenance than I would want to do but doesnt mean SHE is high maintenance.

It may be a slightly regional thing. DS2 works in fashion and lived in Manchester for a while, he really noticed that the girls there had false nails. eyelash and hair extensions and more make up than he usually sees. Now he is in London and says the look there is far more natural.
I work with a couple of younger colleagues who sometimes have eyelash extensions, it really does make a difference to how you look.

For me lash extensions would be sky high maintenance.

But I’m not you, so it’s none of my business.

However if one of my friends said that I was HM, —which would be impossible— I would just shrug it off. You are upset, so it must have struck a chord somewhere

I'd be over the moon if I spent that much time preening to be described as high maintenance. Surely 'high maintenance' is the look you are looking for if you expend that kind of time, money and thought on your looks. Surely it's better than going through the whole rigmarole to be told you look low maintenance?

Or are you meant to jump through the vanity hoops just to look spectacularly average maintenance? Like all the time I spent wrapping presents to perfection and then pretending I just threw it all together at the last minute to gaslight the lazy fuckers who wrap my gifts with all the finesse of a chimp?

Ghost I know, they are all 18 with no massive responsibilities other then exams low stress jobs. It's seems bonkers to me too.

I like my nails done and eyebrows threaded every so often. Some people probably think that is unnecessary. I live in an area where Botox, hair extensions and lip fillers are the norm, that to me is high maintenance.

I wouldn’t call that HM, no - and that’s coming from someone who gets their hair trimmed when she can’t see out anymore & never wears makeup 🤣

I think it’s a shame that so many girls/women feel the need to get lashes, brows, hair, nails, makeup done ALL the time as their ‘normal’ because they feel they have to/should/need to. To me it’s really plastic/fake and I can’t see how it can be any good for your self esteem.

Mind you, having seen the transformation, maybe I should go and get it all done, they MIGHT even mange to make me look glamorous 😂

But the few bits you do occasionally, whilst much more than me, is not ‘high maintenance’ no. Ignore it.

@ilikeknitting that is funny because I am curt sitting in bed (studying 😫) hair is s mess and I’m still in jammies and most days I just throw on jeans and a jumper for the school run. Honestly I laugh because I am really fairly easy going.

The way I see it is that everybody has their 'thing'. I have far too many pairs of trainers and spend a decent amount on products for my curly hair. I don't see the op's spending on her appearance as any different to mine and I don't class myself as high maintenance.